Chutzpah! "Inappropriate Talk"

"Tell the tall buildings in Mahattan, I am a Lubavitcher"
shouted Y at a late night "Farbrengen"/debate mocking the
idea that young idealists can tell the big world anything

This week began with the news of the terrible murder and loss of innocents in Connecticut. May their families find some measure of comfort and their souls find peace.

 

One confronting immediate response to these deaths on social media was to complain about the coverage of a western tragedy and calling attention to the violent or preventable deaths of children in other countries. Was it proper to use the opportunity to make that point at that time? Can there ever be a wrong time and can there ever be considerations of propriety that are more important than the life of a child?

On a far more trivial level, the other morning I had the slight discomfort of being in the same small room as a man I will call B., who won’t talk to me on principle.  He objects to my working together with Muslims or Arabs or Christians as a matter of religious principle. On one level is it hurtful, we have known each other a long time. I think there might also be some ego involved. B has not had the opportunity to study the Torah in depth yet he thinks it is his place to rule me, a Rabbi, out of order. I don’t see myself superior just because of a bit of extra knowledge, yet in this case I had a passing though of indignation. “Is it his place to issue Halachic rulings against what I do?!” It’s not serious but it ties into my topic, Chutzpa, which can be loosely translated as impudence.

As a rule, Chutzpah, which is modern slang is seen as kind of spunky and cute, is traditionally seen as a bad thing. Yet, the other side of the argument is that some notions of propriety and good manners may result in silence in the face of injustice.  Jewish law requires a student to reproach even a teacher if the teacher is doing something wrong ([i]). This past Sunday I was at a book launch about the protest against the Holocaust by Aboriginal leader William Cooper. I learned that the protest was completely ignored at the time, no record of it remains, it was never sent to Berlin, nor does it feature in the diary of the German Consul in Melbourne or his superior in Sydney ([ii]). The Nazis would have seen it as “inappropriate” that black Aborigines would dare tell them what is right. Yet his protest continues to inspire and challenge us today.

In our Torah reading this week we have a touching example of disregarding propriety when the wellbeing of a child is at stake.  Judah approaches ([iii]) the Egyptian viceroy who is threatening to enslave his younger half-brother Benjamin. The body language implied in the approach is, at least according to one commentator, to be one of “war ([iv])”. He disregards the normal conduct of the world which is to ask permission first and only then to enter, Judah approaches first and ask for permission later ([v]). Another commentator has Judah “break down the door and come before Joseph with his brothers ([vi])”.

Judah’ begins by saying “please my master, may your servant speak words in the ears of my master and let my master not be angry with your servant because you are like Pharaoh ([vii])”.  On one level we have the deferential language about servant and master, in fact in this one monologue Judah refers to himself, his father and brothers as Joseph’s slaves eleven times ([viii])! Yet commentators draw many inferences that paint a much more aggressive posture. Asking Joseph not to get angry is taken as proof that he plans to speak harshly ([ix]) that is likely to provoke the ruler. His comparison of Joseph to Pharaoh is interpreted by some, not as flattery but as a suggestion that just Pharaoh lusted after Sarah because of her beauty, Joseph’s interest in Benjamin was also based on desire for Benjamin’s beauty ([x]). Judah takes the view that when the wellbeing and safety of a child is a stake, restraint based on polite protocols must be disregarded.

The theme of disregarding protocol can also be seen earlier in Joseph’s story. After Joseph successfully interprets the king’s dream, he oversteps the boundaries and goes beyond his brief as dream interpreter. Rather than knowing his place and not “speaking before one who is greater than himself” ([xi]) as a slave and recently released prisoner in front of a king he proceeds to offer Pharaoh unsolicited advice about how to manage his economy and save his country. Even more audaciously, Joseph might have been angling for a senior government position as a prospective manager of the Egyptian economy ([xii]). “Now, Pharaoh should see (to find) a man, understanding and wise and put him in charge of the land of Egypt ([xiii])”.  Hint, hint… here Joseph broke with protocol and appropriate conduct, yet this breach saved the country from terrible starvation in a famine with the elevation of Joseph.

In the rich tapestry of views the same situations have alternative interpretations. Rather than Joseph seeking appointment to the position he suggested, he was merely doing his duty as a prophet who cannot keep back the prophecy ([xiv]). This experience of prophecy is described by Jeremiah as if “in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones and I weary myself to hold it but cannot ([xv])”.  We also find Pharaoh repeating his intention to appoint Joseph to the position as if Joseph did not believe it ([xvi]). First Pharaoh tell Joseph: “after God has made all this known to you, there is no one as understanding and wise as you (therefore) you will be (in a position of authority) over my house and according to your mouth will my nation be sustained, only in (occupying) the throne will I be greater than you ([xvii])”.  The story continues with Pharaoh speaking to Joseph again, “look, I have put you over all of the land of Egypt ([xviii])”. No Chutzpa here. Similarly, there are interpretations of Judah’s approach to Joseph that highlight his respect for the ruler and a more pleading and conciliatory stance ([xix]).

I think Chutzpa is a tool for exceptional circumstances. Perhaps the more typical stance is the one taken by Jacob when he blesses Pharaoh when he first meets him and when he leaves him ([xx]) to teach us proper conduct about how a person should enter to see the face of royalty ([xxi])”. So I defend the right of B, to ignore me if he thinks he is standing up for what is right and the “tweeters” to be insensitive to the time of mourning of some people in the sincere hope of saving others.  May we all have the wisdom to know when to be civil, proper and polite and when to scream and break down some doors with chutzpa!

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[i] Talmud Bava Metzia 31a

[ii] Talk by Konrad Kweit and the book launch at the Sydney Jewish Museum 9/12/2012

[iii] Genesis 44:18

[iv] Bereshit Rabba 93 according to the view of Rabbi Judah

[v] Midrash Habiur, from a manuscript cited in Torah Shlaima p.1635

[vi] Sefer Hayashar

[vii] Genesis 44:18

[viii] Genesis 44:18-34

[ix] Rashi

[x] Daat Zkainim Mibaalei Hatosafot, and with variation in Bereshit Rabba 93 and other sources cited in Torah Shlaima p.1636

[xi] Pirkey Avot one of the seven definitions of the wise

[xii] Ramban to Genesis 41:33 

[xiii] Genesis 41:33 

[xiv] Abarbanel, cited in Leibovitz, N. New Studies in Bereshit p.448

[xv] Jeremiah 20:9

[xvi] Midrashei Torah by Anselm Astruc, cited in Leibovitz, N. New Studies in Bereshit p.447

[xvii] Genesis 41:39-40

[xviii] Genesis 41:41

[xix] Rashi, Bchor Shor, others

[xx] Gnesis 47:7 & 10

[xxi] Lekach Tov cited in Torah Shlaima p.1708

Wavering Leader

I am the designated positive guy, the one who is supposed to maintain a positive attitude about “the other” and inspire others, but I don’t always feel inspired or positive. I grapple with the questions about the merits and prospects for success of my work bringing together Jews, Muslims, Christians and others. Of course this is ok, but it is worth thinking about again and draw inspiration from a great wavering leader, Moses.

One evening in the early 90’s in Boston, I was sitting with my family at a New England Lubavitz Yeshiva, fund-raising dinner that is honouring my grandfather Rabbi Joshua T. Kastel. I was in my twenties considering what I wanted to do with my life.

A wealthy donor of the school spoke about the first time my grandfather came to his office to ask for a donation for his school. The speakers father had been a donor and had passed away, now my grandfather was hoping the son would follow his father’s example.

The speaker saw my grandfather through the window. “Rabbi Kastel walked toward the building, then he hesitated, stopped, turned around and walked a few steps away. Then he turned around and walked toward the building again. Stopped again...he was nervous. But he really had nothing to worry about, we all loved him”.  

Photo by
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jpmatth/with/2591817870/

used under general permission see link below

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/deed.en

According to the Midrash, my grandfather’s hesitation echoed the wavering of Moses himself. The Torah tells us that after God charged Moses with demanding freedom for the Israelites, “He was on the road, in the hotel (and God met him and sought to kill him)[i]”. The Midrash[ii] states that “Moses was entering and exiting the hotel to the road and from the road to the hotel, he was ruminating in his mind and saying if he will go to Egypt to redeem Israel or not...[iii]”

One of the first doubts for Moses is when he sees two Israelites fighting each other and is afraid that perhaps they are not deserving of redemption[iv]. When Moses is called to challenge the system in Egypt he doubts his own ability, his speech defect as well as the likelihood of success and tries five times[v] to avoid this frightful responsibility.

Soon after, he is confronted with failure as the situation deteriorates[vi] and a loss of confidence by his own people.  Moses, now has a much greater problem. “Indeed the Israelites did not listen to me, and how will Pharaoh listen to me?[vii]” Moses is understood to be making the point that as a leader he draws his strength from the Israelites, his core constituency, if they are not prepared to back him, how will have the credibility with Pharaoh[viii]?  

There are two messages here. One is for me or any other leader, at times we will find that we don’t have the support of our own side, and this will make it harder to advocate externally. Unlike the suggestion of the speaker about my grandfather, not everyone is going to love a leader who is pursuing a controversial path. Moses went from a childhood in which he was loved, kissed and hugged by the princess and Grandpa Pharaoh[ix], to being ignored by the people he was sent to save. It’s tough. We need to keep at it.  The second message is to us as prospective followers; our leaders are often only as strong as the support we give them. 

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[i]     Exodus 4:24,

[ii]    Midrash is not necessarily understood as factual

[iii]   Midrash Aggada, cited in Torah Shlaima Shemot p.197, it asks the question about the language in the text; "Was he on the road or at the hotel?"

[iv]   Midrash Tanchuma 10, Shemot Rabba 1:35

[v]    1) Exodus 3:11, 2) 3:13, 3) 4:1, 4) 4:10 and 5) 4:13

[vi]   Exodus 5:4-21

[vii]  Exodus 6:12

[viii] Sfas Emes,

[ix]   Shemot Rabba 1:31

Boldness, Reticence and Respectability: Joseph, Tamar and Reuben

Photo By Yaniv G, Permission to use for non-commercial
purposes with attribution

I am thinking about boldness. I am feeling tired of timidly asking advice. I am wondering if I should show more courage to back myself in spite of having gotten it wrong sometimes, or is it wiser to prudently seek advice? There is a part of me that wants to assert myself, throw caution to the wind, just decide by myself and then do it. How does that gel with the need for Humility? Jews have thought of bashfulness as one of our three defining positive characteristics[i] yet, we are also called to boldness[ii] with three biblical figures all displaying this in some form in the reading Vayeshev.

Boldness vs. Timidity and Bashfulness

 A compelling argument is made by Sir Walter Murdoch that human misery is not caused “a gang of scoundrels so depraved that they really wish to keep us all poor… There are not enough scoundrels to go round... The persons we have to face are the dull, the stodgy, the unimaginative, the ancestor-worshippers, too timid to think for themselves…[iii].  To put it another way, if we use both hands to cover our backsides, we have no hands to do anything with.

A young Indigenous young boy in the Northern Territory taught me something about holding back. I remember him as “Just Gamin”, because he gave me a false name before telling me in Territory slang that he was kidding, or “just gamin”. We played a game, in which he excelled by giving things away. His teacher praised him for this, but he immediately put his hand over his face. “Why are you doing that?” asked the teacher. “It’s shame”, he replied. An elder explained to me and to his teacher the next day that shame is a way her people show respect. Not standing out, instead deferring to the elders and the group. This has some similarity to the Jewish concept of מכיר מקומו recognising one’s place[iv]. We are taught that only a fool speaks before one who is greater than himself[v].

Joseph the Bold Dreamer 

As an ostracised younger sibling whose brothers disliked him so intensely they could not even speak to him[vi], Joseph would have been wise to “pull his head in”. His self appointment as monitor of his brothers’ behaviour, reporting all “sins” to their father[vii] alienated his siblings. Yet, Joseph does not lose confidence. Instead he dreams of ruling his brothers[viii]. Perhaps the fantasy was a response to the humiliation he suffered, a sentiment expressed as “the stone the builders scorned, ended up at the top of the corner[ix]”.

In Jewish tradition ‘our dreams at night reflect our thoughts during the day[x]’. This view of dreams suggests an element of choice and responsibility for our dreams and explains why Joseph’s brothers hated him even more on account of his dreams[xi].Remarkably; the hatred does not cause him to stop dreaming. He dreams again, an even more grandiose dream. In the second dream the sun and the moon and the stars are bowing to him. He insists on telling it to his brothers, even as they seek to ignore him, in his desire to make the dream real[xii]. In spite of his father secretly believing in the dream[xiii], he pretends to dismiss it. “What is this dream?!”  he asks, the implication is “how does your heart rise to dream this dream, this is nothing but arrogance and youthfulness[xiv]”.

Of course Joseph’s dreams come true. His leadership qualities keep surfacing. When his brothers sell him into slavery, he rises to become manager of his master’s house[xv]. When thrown into jail, he ends up running the place[xvi] and concerning himself with the needs of his fellow prisoners with sensitivity and awareness of their feelings[xvii]. With the benefit of hindsight we can see that thanks to the realisation of Joseph’s dreams, he eventually saves the family and the entire Egypt from famine. At the time, Joseph would have been described as confident to the point of recklessness. In spite of his brother’s hatred, he readily agrees to visit them in the field, and in the medium term he suffers the consequences.

Reuben, Boldness Lost?

In contrast with the bold Joseph, Reuben seems timid in his defence of his younger brother. Perhaps he had the stuffing knocked out of him when he acted impulsively on his anger[xviii] to defend his mother’s honour.  When Rachel was alive Jacob’s permanent bed was in her tent. When Rachel's died, instead of Jacob putting his bed in the tent of his first wife Leah, he moves it to his concubine Bilhah's tent[xix]. Reuben angrily declares “if my mother’s sister was a rival to my mother, should the maidservant of my mother’s sister now be a rival to my mother?![xx]” He moves his father’s bed from her tent and puts it in his mother's tent[xxi]. For years he carries guilt about the episode[xxii] with Bilhah, even running off to busy himself with fasting at a critical point in the drama of the sale of Joseph[xxiii].

Joseph’s life was in danger when his brothers consider murdering him. The Torah testifies that Reuben intended to save him[xxiv]. From Reuben’s words it is not so obvious. Reuben tells the brothers they should not kill him with their own hands, instead just throw him into a pit. It is suggested that Reuben initially suggested they should not sin at all with the boy. When they refused to listen, he changes his tune and partners with them[xxv]. He tries to make it seem that it is not out of love Joseph that he objects to the act of murder. He implies that his concern is about the difference in the severity of the punishment for outright murder in comparison to the less severe punishment for indirectly causing his death[xxvi]. A lesson from Reuben’s failure is that we must do things with a joyous or full heart, and that if Reuben had done so he would have lifted Joseph on his shoulder and carried him home to his father[xxvii].  On the other hand Reuben is credited for being a trailblazer, being the first person to repent[xxviii] on his own initiative.

Bold Beyond Respectability

Murdoch identifies “respectability” as “something (that) has worked so consistently against the healthy development of the race has been so consistently a clog on all progress towards the bettering of the world…  (it)has many virtues, but they are the meaner virtues, the timid virtues, caution, prudence, docility, tameness, discretion. All the brave, adventurous virtues are regarded by this dingy goddess as silly or dangerous, or both.

Respectability certainly does not constrain another bold character, the exceptionally beautiful[xxix] Tamar, daughter in law of a Judah[xxx]. She seduces her father in law after she sees herself being strung along[xxxi]. She had been promised Judah’s youngest son as a husband when he was old enough, but Judah was not keen as she had already married Judah’s two others sons who both died young. According to one view she had been so modest she would cover her face when she was in her father in-laws house[xxxii].  Yet, she overcame any reservations she had in order to achieve her goal of having a child from the family of Judah[xxxiii]. She times it for when Judah is doing his sheep sharing, “a time of happiness and great feasts and when a person is happy is desire overpowers him[xxxiv]”. She succeeds and gives birth to twins, whose descendants include King David and his descendents.

David himself famously thumbs his nose at respectability when he jumps and dances before God’s holy ark. His aristocratic wife, Michal, disgustedly describes David in his uninhibited dancing as someone “who exposed himself today in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as would expose himself one of the idlers.[xxxv]"  Yet, David himself also asserts that it is the broken and crushed heart that God will not despise^[xxxvi]. This links well with the idea that the ambiguous origins of David’s family were meant to prevent the kings of Judah from arrogance “by remembering their origins they would be of lowly spirit and would conduct their kingship with humility[xxxvii]”.

Conclusion

It all depends on the situation. There are merits in both reticence and boldness. Even shame can be a force for good, just as it can be an unhelpful inhibiting factor. I might feel some shame because a standard had been violated or it might be that an unjustifiable line drawn by others has rightfully been crossed. To achieve anything we will often need to bold and take risks. When we mess up we need to own up and address it, and then try again almost as if we had never fallen.

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[i] Talmud Yevamot 79a

[ii] Pirkey Avot 5:20, quoted in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 1:3, be as bold as a leopard…

[iii] Sir Walter Murdoch, Collected Essays of Walter Murdoch – “On Dull People” http://r3dux.org/2010/07/collected-essays-of-walter-murdoch-%E2%80%93-on-dull-people/

[iv] Yam shel Shlomo 8:58 (Polish rabbi, Shlomo Luria (c.1510-1573) states: "Because, for our sins, the ordained are many but the learned few, and the ignorant are growing numerous; not one of them knows his place and as soon as he is ordained he begins to act like a lord and collect students at great expense, as do the noble officials who hire servants to run ahead of them." Cited by Adam Teller http://www.library.upenn.edu/exhibits/cajs/tradition/toc.html Also found in Tanya 27

[v] Pirkey Avot 5:7

[vi] Genesis 37:4

[vii] Gensis 37:2

[viii] Genesis  37:5-9

[ix] Psalm 118:22

[x] Talmud Brachot 55b, discussed in Nehama Liebovitz, New Studies In Bereshit, p.431

[xi] Bchor Shor

[xii] Lekach Tov, a dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that has not been read

[xiii] Berasheet Rabba 84: “He took a pen and wrote down the date and time and place” of the dream, Rashi: he was waiting for it to come true,  Seforno: “he thought that the dream will come true and he desired and look forward to it being fulfilled, while Sefer Hayashar has Jacob kiss him and bless him when he hears it. Clearly his criticism of Joseph was a show for the brothers to defuse their jealousy

[xiv] Ramban

[xv] Genesis 39:4

[xvi] Genesis 39:22-23

[xvii] The Lubavitcher Rebbe as explained by R. Yosef Y Jacobson

[xviii] Rashi to Genesis 49:4

[xix] Talmud Shabbat 55

[xx] Rashi to Genesis 35:22

[xxi] This is explored more fully in my post http://torahforsociallyawarehasid.blogspot.com/2010/11/shame-pride-striving-case-of-reuben.html

[xxii] The literal meaning of the text is “When his father lived in that land, Reuben went and slept with Bilhah, his father's concubine”. 

[xxiii] Beresheet Rabba 84

[xxiv] Genesis 37:22

[xxv] Bchor Shor

[xxvi] Ramban

[xxvii] Vayikra Rabba 34:9, this would have happened if Reuben realised that the Torah would right about his trying to save his brother

[xxviii] Beresheet Rabba 84

[xxix] Midrash Hagadol cited in Torah Shelaima, p. 1449

[xxx] a brother of both Joseph and Reuben

[xxxi] Genesis 38:6-16

[xxxii] Talmud Sotah 10b

[xxxiii] Rashi to Genesis 38:14

[xxxiv] Bchor Shor, interesting to compare this with the perspective given in Tanya that when a person is depressed he is most vulnerable to his evil inclination as his resistance is down

[xxxv] Samuel II, 6:14-20

[xxxvi] Psalm 51

[xxxvii] Radak