Hard and Compassionate approaches to inter-community and personal improvement

Harsh talk is sometimes needed. Yet, compassionate talk can achieve more in many situations. It creates the safety and space to calmly struggle for improvement if there is the will to improve.

I write these lines on the morning before Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. This morning we had media reports about two police officers stabbed by a “known terror suspect” who was then then killed. The temperature is rising, the infamous image and threats of beheadings have enraged and scared people. Bigots feel emboldened: the daughter of a Muslim woman I worked with, was spat on. Yesterday, I spent hours on the phone with communal leaders, discussing efforts to calm tensions and reservations about these efforts. An important question, relating both to intergroup relations in Australia and my worship on this holy day, is whether to approach issues with harsh or gentle talk. 

Muslim display of Love for Australia
The other Sunday I attended the “Muslims Love Australia BBQ”. I was very warmly welcomed by many of the guests. There was a festive atmosphere. Muslim men and women wore white “Proud Australian” t-shirts. I danced with my friend, an Arabic Muslim school principal, and other men in a circle to Arabic music. At one point I noticed that some of my steps might have been better suited to a Jewish wedding than an Arabic context, but no one seemed to mind!

Australian Love for Muslims
This display of love was partly in response to harsh (implicit) questioning of the loyalty of Muslims by politicians and present, to a significant extent, in the media and the larger community. It was also prompted by a gesture of solidarity that I organised at the Lakemba Mosque in Sydney in collaboration with Pastor Brad Chilcott around a message: “Australian religious leaders say “We will love Muslims 100 years”, countering a newspaper headline that stated “We will fight Islam for 100 years”.

Not happy with the love
Not everyone was happy with the events. There were the suggestions from some critics within the Muslim community that the participants were ”sell outs”, trying too hard to impress the media and non-Muslim Australians rather than representing their own angry youth and their grievances about Australian foreign policy and about being stigmatised by questions about their loyalty.

“The Love 100 years” gesture was both welcomed by some (1) and attacked by others as being the work of ‘Useful Idiots’ (2). One argument is that Muslims need to ‘be persuaded  collectively to tackle extremism and ensure community-wide goodwill toward “the west”’. (Absent from this assertion is the question of how responsive fanatics are to influence? Assuming that the answer is that these radicals are not very open to influence, it begs the question: how can leaders be held responsible for people who refuse to follow?). More relevant is the need for outreach to “disaffected youth” and fostering positive interfaith relations. Another factor is the insinuation by some Muslims and their supporters that anyone who is feeling afraid or angry is guilty of bigotry. While there has been much  generalising and prejudice against Muslims, labelling all expressions of fear or anger as bigotry is not fair or helpful. This is a complex and painful situation with fear and resentment flowing in both directions. There is a reasonable desire on the part of both non-Muslim and Muslim Australians for reassurance. One legitimate response is a robust and honest discussion.    

Better through beating?
Assertiveness and even threats, have their place: so does a compassionate posture. I explore this broader question from a personal and spiritual perspective. “Beat the horses until they will know they are horses”, goes the old Hasidic saying.  It would appear that harshness or self- flagellation is a useful method to advance personal improvement. Indeed, the Torah threatens divine smoking rage and obliteration for the cavalier person, who thinks it ok to indulge his sinful desires (3).  I have tried harsh self-criticism and guilt as a means of self-improvement. It worked for me to some extent some of the time, I think at a basic level to deter me from being my worst. However, when I have overused guilt or fear, I found it can be quite destructive. 

Acceptance combined with Spiritual restlessness and striving 
I propose a different approach. I need to be honest about my short-comings. I need honest criticism from others and myself to recognise what my flaws are. At the same time, I also need to accept myself as the imperfect, flawed but still worthwhile, precious human being that I am.  There is wisdom in the Buddhists’ showed calling for acceptance as a way for joy. Tanya, the classic Chasidic text that guides people in fulfilling the biblical idea that we can easily serve God with our emotions (4), urges us to manage our expectations of ourselves. Beating ourselves up about not achieving unrealistic goals, will only make us depressed; this decreases our motivation to make the changes and choices that ARE realistic for us because we have fallen into despair. Instead, we need to combine our dissatisfaction with our current level of spiritual achievement with an element of self-acceptance and compassion if we are to joyously strive to improve ourselves.
 
I find the sequence of events in the Torah instructive. It is only after the reconciliation between the straying Israelites (5) and God that real growth is possible. God’s mercy and bringing back the exiles is followed by the “circumcision of the hearts (6)”, which is interpreted as developing the capacity to serve out of love instead of fear (7). Meaningful growth is more likely to be the result of compassion than threats.

The organisers of the BBQ were right to make a statement of love to their fellow Australians, regardless of any reservations or grievances some Muslims might have. I think we were right to stand in solidarity with our Muslim neighbours when they were subjected to a barrage of hostility.  Does my compassionate stance mean that I think that all Australian Muslims, a diverse and dispersed community, have had enough success in integrating into Australia or countering extremism? No, it doesn’t. I share the concern of many Muslims I know, about the hostility felt by some young Australian Muslims towards people of other backgrounds.. I also share their concern about the bigotry and abuse faced by Muslims. There is a legitimate role for robust discussion and airing of grievances. Equally, there is a role for support and compassion. The really positive change will result more from the latter than the former.

Notes:   

1) The gesture was warmly welcomed by Muslims who were moved to create a website with the following response - http://www.lovefor100yearsresponse.com/ It was covered in the general media, such as Channel 7, http://youtu.be/KClv9YNeM8M, Channel 10 News:  http://youtu.be/JEbdZggQ7lA and the Australian: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/religious-heads-show-muslim-support/story-fn3dxiwe-1227033604150. Also, specific Muslims sites, such as http://www.amust.com.au/2014/09/interfaith-support-by-religious-leaders-well-love-muslims-100-years/ .
Muslim Village: http://muslimvillage.com/2014/08/24/57197/australia-christian-and-jewish-leaders-rally-in-support-of-muslims/
2) http://www.frontpagemag.com/2014/dgreenfield/well-love-muslims-100-years-say-hamas-useful-idiots/  This website attacks Together for Humanity and our President, Madenia Abdurahman, as well as Pastor Brad Chillcott and me. The website generally seems quite one-sided regarding all matters relating to Muslims or Blacks. See review of this article. http://www.biblesociety.org.au/news/media-watch-will-really-love-muslims-100-years
3) Deuteronomy 29:18-19
4) Tanya by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, Chapter 27
5) Deuteronomy 30:1-5
6) Deuteronomy 30:6
7) Klei Yakar

Film, Fury, Freedom, & Fraternity. Reflections & conversation with Muslims

As an advocate for coexistence between people of diverse faiths, particularly with Muslims, I have been challenged this past week mainly by the reaction to the film. There was the violence in the streets of Sydney, deaths overseas and a short message on facebook last Thursday, by someone I will call “Khaled” that suggested in colourful language that ‘anyone who disrespects the prophet should be beheaded and forget about free speech’. I found that quite disturbing. Here are some of reflections about my conversations and experiences this week, the need for genuine openness in dialogue, including discussing the hurt caused by "the lousy film", the arguments about free speech and redoubling our commitment to coexistence and respect for all, and related themes in the Torah readings.

Betrayed?

In a sermon on Saturday, I reflected on the facebook post. I admitted that I didn’t engage young ‘Khaled’ because I thought it would be a waste of time. His stance infuriated me. Here he was enjoying the benefits of free speech in expressing a view contrary to the dominant one, yet spitting in the face of free speech. This echoed the phrase “he will bless himself in his heart, saying, "I will have peace, ”Shalom Yih-yeh lee” even if I follow my heart's desires, to add the thirsty to the watered[i]". The speaker of this phrase thinks that he can enjoy the benefits of others’ virtues while trampling on those same virtues. Like two adjoining fields, one is watered often while the other is not given any water, the “dry” field will still gain from the water of the other field[ii].

Dialogue

While on Saturday I had no access to news[iii], by evening I became aware of the day’s events involving angry young Muslims demonstrating in Sydney, with a concerned message from a member of the Jewish community. I thought that perhaps I was wrong to assume there was no point in talking with ‘Khaled’. I decided to ask him what he really thinks. Logging on to Facebook, I noticed that his tone had changed; his posts[iv] on facebook have been urging calm.

I asked him about his earlier post about the beheading and free speech. He replied, “I was upset obviously. Freedom of speech is one thing but this (is) freedom of abuse (sic) which is what they're doing. I later put that other status up (about Islamic teachings urging restraint etc see Note ii below.) after I read into the prophet's ways and later changes my mind on this matter, but still outraged."

Free Speech

One of the difficulties here is the sincerity or people on either side of the debate about this film. There are many Muslims who are adamant that such insulting material should not be allowed to be shown, while there are many who believe passionately that free speech is such a sacred principle that it must override other considerations. It is a valid debate. I am leaning toward some restriction of gratuitous disparagement of the beliefs and cherished symbols of others. I think free speech is about people being free to criticise politicians not the freedom to ridicule. The cavalier gross offensiveness of the film at the centre of this hardly deserves protection by the guardians of freedom. I commented to Khaled that I think freedom of speech comes with responsibility. People say "they are just saying what they think", my response is, it would be ok if they actually think. Often what is justified under free speech is knee-jerk prejudice.

Ridicule as a tool in interfaith truth claims
On the other side of the argument, there is a legitimate question about the merit of giving government the power to proscribe robust and offensive debate between competing belief systems. Should the prophet Elijah have been prevented from offending the worshippers of Baal when he mocks their god: “Call with a loud voice, for he is a god. [Perhaps] he is chatting or he is on a chase or he is on a journey; perhaps he is sleeping and will awaken[v]”?

I told Khaled that “I shudder to think what kind of world we would live in if we did not have checks and balances of a free press, eg. my people's holy books were burned repeatedly over the centuries. There is a serious debate about how we can protect freedom of expression which is critical for a just society and also demand respect, tact and consideration for others' beliefs and values. We need to have both Free speech and interfaith respect. How these are balanced is contested”.

Comfort with discomfort

This grappling between competing principles relates to another interpretation of the phrase “"I will have peace, ”Shalom Yih-yeh lee”.  This refers to a person who can see the logic in some demands of our faith but not others. He/she reflects on the fact that “there are many commandments that mystify me and cause me constant struggle and heart-searching…I shall therefore only observe things that appeal to my reason and that my intellect can accept. In this way I shall have peace- and suffer not inner struggle[vi]”.  Yet, we are called on to grapple with perspective that makes us uncomfortable. For both champions of almost completely unrestricted free speech as well as those for whom the honour of the prophet is of utmost importance, there is a need to try to understand what the others are thinking.

Hypocrisy

Ironically, the demonstrators, while wrong in their violence and insensitive in some of their messages have helped me gain some understanding. When I felt outraged about their suggestions that those who disagree with them should be beheaded, I was essentially championing restriction of free speech. I was taking an essentially hypocritical stance that: Yes, people should be allowed to say anything they like, except things that really offend me, eg. expressing a view about beheading people who have offensive beliefs. Of course, the demonstrators can also be accused of hypocrisy “using offensive slogans and signs, while protesting against people's right to offend[vii]”.

Unwilling to hear?

Yesterday, I joined a team of bridge-building educators in a conversation with Muslim teenagers.  The boys were asked how they were feeling about the demonstrations, I think with an expectation that they would focus on the events of Saturday. Yet, in a quiet and dignified way, some expressed a deep anger and sadness about the film and the desecration of their Prophet. For them it was about the film. On reflection, I think I had a limited willingness to talk about the film and how it felt for young Muslims.  It seems to me that one barrier to understanding what is going on is this resistance to acknowledging how some Muslims feel about the film, preferring to focus exclusively on the demonstration or the real concerns about how the actions of a few people tarnished the image of all Muslims.

Repairing relationships in stages

Apart from Police matters, the first step after the violence on Saturday was to separate the violent few from the vast number of people being tarred with the same brush. Muslim leaders have been rightly concerned with the repercussions, as I write there is a threat of a violent counter demonstration being planned against Muslims in Melbourne tomorrow. The next step that some Muslim leaders are beginning to turn their attention to is the long term relationship between Muslims and non-Muslims.

I draw some inspiration for this inter-communal work from some teachings about the relationship between the Jews and God. The Torah states:
“My fury will rage against them on that day (because of their sins), and I will abandon them and hide My face from them, and they will be consumed, and many evils and troubles will befall them, and they will say on that day, 'Is it not because our God is no longer among us, that these evils have befallen us?' And I will hide My face on that day, because of all the evil they have committed, when they turned to other deities.[viii]”
It is puzzling that God would still be hiding his face after the people have come to the realisation that something is wrong by saying “, 'Is it not because our God is no longer among us”. Yet, this could be interpreted as a complaint about being a victim of God’s rejection or hostility from other communities, perhaps even unfairly, rather than acceptance of responsibility for the part people in our own community play in driving people apart[ix]. In both cases, between people and God and between communities there can be a focus on the consequences and symptoms of damaged relationship, rather than the causes at the core of the relationship itself [x]. It is to this great task that we must now turn. Each of us taking responsibility for what we can do to ensure we all learn to respect each other as neighbours, fellow citizens, and as siblings: the children of Adam and Eve.  

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[i] Deuteronomy 29:18

[ii] Akedat Yitzchak, cited in Nehama Leibovitz, Studies in Devarim

[iii] as we don’t listen to the radio or use the computer etc. on the Sabbath

[iv] He wrote, "See I was angry, horrified, filled with rage like many of you out there with the film made against our beloved Prophet (pbuh). The anger was just fuelling the flame and confirming the theories of the non-Muslims, but then I came across this video this brother made... It filled my eyes with tears at the greatness of our Prophet, the kindness of our Prophet, the mercy of our Prophet...He told this story as follows, and my anger just melted away...

He (Muhammad) was a man of truth and a man of justice. A man of humility yet a man of toughness. A man of mercy... Just look at the city of Ta'if, he was pelted and stoned as he preached alone, heartbroken and alone, he had bruised bones and blood soaked shoes, yet he just moved on and prayed to his Lord, "Oh Lord! As long as you're pleased with me, it doesn't matter at all", until the angel Gabriel descended and said to the Prophet, "Give me one word! And I'll flip these homes" and listen to what the Prophet said, he said, "No! Just hold on... Despite everything they did to me, I'm gonna let it go, for the land may one day breed some sweet believing souls..."

[v] Kings I, 18:27

[vi] Haketav Vahakabbalah, cited in Nehama Leibovitz, Studies in Devarim

[vii] Aly, W, http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/the-incredible-muslim-hulk-proves-to-be-no-friend-of-islam-either-20120916-260e8.html#ixzz274NJae00

[viii] Deuteronomy 31:17&18

[ix] Ohr Hachayim,

[x] Ramban, he states, saying: “because God is not with me” is not a complete confession, it is (an initial) thought and regret… and recognition of guilt. See Nachshoni’s adaptation of this.