Frantic to Equanimity? Jacob Renamed Israel

I have set myself a goal for December – to shift from feeling driven in the way I work, to calmer and more accepting ways of being at work. I often feel like I am frantically moving my attention from one urgent task to another, doubting myself, feeling disappointed, and worrying about what might happen next. However, change is risky because we can try to change too much and either fail to change very much at all –  or, worse, succeed in overbalancing from too anxious to become too relaxed and passive. This is an exploration of the challenges of equanimity and personal change, and draws on the example of the patriarch Jacob. 

Equanimity

Jewish tradition extolls the virtue of השתוות – Hishtavut, equanimity. This quality is illustrated by the story of the man who sought to join a group of Kabbalists as an initiate. The admission test, which he failed, was whether he felt the same when people praised or insulted him (1). I remember, as a child, being in awe of my father when something went wrong in his work and his reaction was of one of utter calm.  However, equanimity is an ideal that eluded the patriarch Jacob.

Jacob – the name means the crooked blocker

Jacob’s name and identity was inherently about trying to stop the inevitable. When Jacob was born, his hand held on to his brother's heel, which is interpreted as him trying to prevent the inevitable fact of his brother being the first born (2). This act earned him the name Jacob (3), which has connotations of thwarting someone and trickery. As a teenager he again tried to change the facts of the birth order by offering his brother a bowl of lentils in exchange for the birth-right (4). Despite Jacob’s scheme for advancing his status, his dying blind father still chose to bless Jacob’s older brother. In response Jacob, disregarding his deep ethical reservations, impersonated Esau and was blessed instead (5). This deception enraged Esau, which led Jacob to flee to another country. When he arrived there, he boasted that he could be devious if someone tried to trick him (6). Yet, despite his boast, he was repeatedly deceived (7), and resorted to strange tricks with sticks in a never-ending fight for his rights (8). 

Frantic approach to a brother

Two decades after the bitter falling out with his brother, Esau, Jacob returned to his homeland.  Anticipating a confrontation with Esau, Jacob prepared frantically with gifts, flattery, and preparation for war (9). He cried out to God with a heartfelt prayer, “Save me, please, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he come and strike me, (and my family too) a mother and children” (10). Yet, it turned out that his brother kissed him when they met rather than sought to attack him as Jacob had expected (11). Esau even reassured Jacob about the disputed blessings (12), with the statement: “let what is yours, be yours” (13).

Jacob was criticized for not simply letting things be (14). Jacob’s anxious approach is linked to an interpretation to the verse in the psalm, may “goodness and kindness pursue me” (15). We can be too anxious or unaware of blessings that are sent to us, so we run away. In this psalm we request that the blessings pursue us despite our difficulty in receiving them (16). 

Personal Rebranding

In the middle of all the frantic preparation, Jacob stopped. It was the middle of the night, and he was alone (17). Jacob entered a heightened state of consciousness and inner struggle,   separating himself from his material self and his external identity and his name Jacob (18). Perhaps he had enough of being “Jacob”, was tired of hustling, of the ethical ambiguities and the anxiety and stress. We read that Jacob wrestled with a “man” while he was alone. The man was “the guardian angel of his brother Esau” (19) – or perhaps it was how Jacob would imagine his brother’s angel (20).  

At the end of this epiphany or spiritual encounter, Jacob emerged with a new name, Israel; he was not to be called Jacob anymore. This new name symbolises strength and ability to confidently negotiate with humans or divine beings (21). This experience was intense and left Jacob scarred in his thigh (22). Perhaps the thigh represents walking and movement (23), and it being injured was symbolic of reducing Jacob's hectic pace. According to the mystics, the thigh represents the drive to victory or competitiveness (24), and it being hit represented shifting to a calmer approach.  

Balance

When I studied this transformation of identity, I was drawn to it and thought I might model my personal growth on Jacob-Israel's dramatic change. As I read more and reflected on this, it started to become disturbing. Despite Jacob’s new identity as Israel, a new man filled with confidence and strength, a new crisis arose with the abduction of Jacob-Israel’s daughter Dina (25). The old frenetic Jack-in-the-box Jacob was silent and missing in action, but so was the new Israel identity. New ways of being taking practice and time to develop, and can’t always be manifest. Yet, it seems like Jacob did not fall back on his old ways either, to save his daughter through desperate measures or tricks.

My conclusion is to aim for equanimity, but also to embrace my New York-Chabad forged drive and hustle as tools in my toolbox and aspects of my personality. Like Jacob, I can become an Israel, but I am not aiming for a negation of my earlier way of being or identity. Equanimity begins for me with being ok with being a little stressed. I anticipate that I will learn how to work more calmly, but I am trying to be ready for the times when “I don’t, because sometimes I won’t” (26). And when that happens, I hope to be ok with that too.    

Notes

1)  Gates of Holiness, 4^th chapter, Third Gate, section 5- By Rabbi Chaim Vital; translated and adapted by Zechariah Goldman https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380555/jewish/Equanimity.htm
2)     Rashi
3)     Genesis 25:26
4)     Genesis 25:29-31
5)     Genesis 27:11-14, the sin of his deception was considered so serious that the in the Talmud, Sanhedrin 92a Jacob’s behaviour is compared to idol worship.
6)     Genesis 29:12 Jacob states that he is Laban’s sister’s brother which is understood by Talmud Megila 13b to state that he “is his brother in deception”
7)     Genesis 29:18-23 and 31:7
8)     Genesis 30:31-41
9)     Genesis 32:4-21, see Jonathan Sacks, in Covenant and Conversation p. 230
10)   Genesis 32:12
11)   Genesis 33:4, See Midrash Rabba 78:9 (33:4), p. 773, it was sincere and with his whole heart. 
12)   Rashi to Genesis 33:9, see Baal Haturim:  the Gematriya, the numerical value of the letters in the words אחי יהי לך אשר לך (my brother let what is yours be yours) is the same as זה הברכות they both equal the number 645.
13)   Genesis 33:9
14)   Midrash Rabba Midrash Rabba 32:4
15)   Psalm 23:6
16)   Baal Shem Tov, in Shimon Menachem Mendel of Gavaratchov (ed).  on the Torah, p. 271, 9
17)   Genesis 32:25
18)   Malbim on 32:25 p.319, his being alone relates to his preparation for prophecy, in a state of התבודדות
19)   Beresheet Rabba 77
20)   Ralbag, p 202 & 204, The Midrash Aggada, cited in Kasher, Torah Shlaima, p. 1282, 146 tells us that Jacob pleaded with his brother’s angel for forgiveness for the blessings from his father, but the angel representing Esau, seemed to have moved on as he responded with the question “who is complaining about you [about this]?
21)   Genesis 32:29
22)   Genesis 32:26
23)   Netziv, in Lamm, N. A commentary for the ages- Genesis, p. 176, it is associated with the hip that is linked to walking and it represents movement.
24)   Derech Mitzbotecha, Mitzvat Gid Hanasheh
25)   Genesis 34:1-5
26)   Dr. Seuss, Oh, the places you’ll go.

 

 

Shame: Personal and Regarding People Seeking Asylum - Ki Teitzei

Shame is sometimes a wonderful thing but, when inappropriate, can be very destructive to human dignity, 1 spirit and motivation. 2 This may explain the tendency to regard shame as something to be avoided. Despite the problems with shame, we are rightly indignant about people who are “shameless”. In an “aha!” moment this week I realised that I may feel angry with someone because I feel some shame that I am not doing the right thing by them. If I am able to embrace shame as a gift and use it as an (imperfect) “values violation detector”, I can respond to it either by making a choice to do better or by clarifying for myself that I am satisfied with the choices I have been making.

There are different types of shame. The Torah discusses a woman who intervenes when her husband is fighting with another man, and uses the word “shameful parts” when it refers to her grabbing his genitals. 3 When Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden “they were naked and they were not ashamed”.4 It is only after eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil that they feel shame, perhaps because they then recognise their vulnerability to inconsiderately selfish and even exploitative sexuality. There is something healthy about Adam and Eve initially not being ashamed of their bodies. Shame is more appropriate in respect of moral failure, with reference to actions, words or attitudes, than in respect of natural imperfection. Shame is often unhelpfully felt, e.g. for being “fat”, or disorganised. Inappropriate or excessive feelings of shame have made some people reluctant to embrace shame where it is useful and needed.  

I wonder if shame avoidance is part of the explanation for the way people seeking asylum are being treated. Perhaps there is an underlying sense of shame, which is covered up by denigrating those whom we know deep down deserve our compassion. 5

It is tempting when refusing to assist vulnerable people to portray them as undeserving. The Torah states: “Beware, lest… your eyes will look in an evil way on your needy brother and not give him”. 6 This is interpreted to mean that, in our reluctance to help a needy person, we must not ascribe evil characteristics to the person seeking our help to justify our refusal. An example of this is the inhabitants of the wealthy city of Sodom; they were concerned about diluting their wealth if they accepted outsiders, so instead they denigrated the visitors as evil, 7 not unlike governments in Australia and Israel that use words like “Illegals” or “infiltrators” in relation to people lawfully seeking asylum. 8

In a discussion in a Sydney synagogue last week, one man asserted that not one of the Africans seeking asylum in Israel was a genuine refugee. He also expressed anger about criminal acts that have been perpetrated by African asylum seekers in South Tel Aviv. He can’t possibly know what the circumstances of the asylum seekers were in their home countries and surely he must know that blaming all members of a group for the acts of some is wrong. Could it be that his assertion that the asylum seekers are not genuine is covering up his discomfort with holding a prejudiced position?

The Torah calls for justice for the stranger 9 and particularly for a compassionate response to and protection of people fleeing oppression. “You shall not deliver a slave to his master if he seeks refuge with you from his master. He shall reside among you, wherever he chooses within any of your cities, where it is good for him. You shall not oppress him”. 10 Many of the refugees who have reached Israel are from Eritrea, where they were slaves in all but name before their escape. According to Israeli NGO, The Hotline for Refugees and Migrants, “citizens of Eritrea flee a country with no civilian judiciary… and whose citizens are obligated to perform endless ‘national service’. This service is unlike the service performed in other armies and includes performing various forms of hard labour for the benefit of the regime, including: mining, paving roads and agricultural work. Eritreans who defect from national service are considered traitors and if they are caught, they are tortured and sometimes executed or tortured to death”. 11

In Australia and Israel, there are restrictions preventing asylum seekers from enjoying the benefits and dignity of work. Their conditions do not justify the choice to commit criminal acts; however we should not sit in judgement of those whose circumstances 12 are conducive to increasing crime. Instead, we should work at changing the situation. The verse mentioned above commands that former slaves should be housed “among you”. This is interpreted as cautioning against creating a separate city for the former slaves as this might lead to social unrest or “rebellion”. Instead, the former slaves should be integrated among the people. 13

It is a shame that people who have suffered so much are having doors slammed in their faces by governments. We should not accept this. We are not shameless.

Notes
1.    Dignity is regarded as so important that, in our Torah reading, there is a requirement to ensure that, if someone is hanged for a capital offence, the corpse does not remain hanging overnight. Deuteronomy 21:22-23. Dignity in punishment is also emphasised in relating to flogging, where the Torah warns that excess lashes might lead to your brother becoming cheapened in your eyes. Deuteronomy 25:1-3
Dignity is also hinted at when the Torah states: “You shall not see your brother's ox or sheep straying, and you would ignore them. [Rather,] you shall return them to your brother”. The words:  וְהִתְעַלַּמְתָּ מֵהֶם “you would ignore them” are creatively interpreted in the Talmud as referring to an elder who is unaccustomed to carrying large parcels in public so it would not be dignified for him to do so. In this case the words “you shall ignore them” are taken to mean the exact opposite of the plain in the meaning in the text: he should in fact ignore the lost object, rather than compromise his dignity. Talmud Bava Metzia 30. It comes up again in the command that Israelite soldiers have a designated place outside their camp to relieve themselves and that they carry a spike to dig a hole to cover up their excrement. Deuteronomy 23:13-14 , see Targum Unkelus to 13.
In the case of a debtor, the lender is forbidden from entering the home of the borrower to take a security, but must stand outside. If the borrower is poor and gives his night garments as security, the lender must return the night clothes every evening at sunset so that the poor person can sleep in his garments in dignity. This would be an act of kindness that the Torah predicts would lead the poor borrower to bless the lender. Deuteronomy 24:10-13. 
2.    Tanya Chapter 1 alludes to the problem of being depressed if one sees oneself as wicked
3.    Deuteronomy 25:11
4.    Genesis 2:25
5.    This principle is articulated strongly in our reading this week relating to an escaped slave, discussed in the next paragraph. It is also reflected in the criticism of Amon and Moab whose male members are never to be allowed to join the Jewish people, even to the tenth generation, because they did not welcome the Israelites with bread and water on the road when we left Egypt. Instead they related to us as a threat.  Deuteronomy 23:4-5, compassion for the stranger is also the subject of several commandments relating to sharing one’s crops such as not gleaning and leaving a forgotten sheaf of wheat etc. Deuteronomy 24:19-22
6.    Deuteronomy 15:9
7.    R. Shmelkeh of Nikolsburg. A variation of this in Yalkut Hagershuni creatively reinterprets the last words of the following verse in Genesis 18:20 about the city of Sodom: “Since the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah has become great, and since their sin has become very grave,”. Literally, the verse is understood as the words of G-d about the inhabitants of Sodom. But it could also be interpreted as the words the Sodomites themselves used about poor visitors to their city, to justify their inhospitable practices - “their sin” – like the sin of the “illegals” , the “economic migrants”, “queue jumpers” or “infiltrators” is very great and this alleged sin is seen as justifying their cruel treatment. Both cited in Nachshoni, Y., (1989) Studies in the Weekly Parshah, Mesorah Publications, Brooklyn New York,  p.1280. This citation is from my previous article relating to these themes: http://torahforsociallyawarehasid.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/curbing-compassion-for-asylum-seekers.html August 2012
8.    My friend, KL, insists that the term “asylum seekers” is unhelpful and that we should speak instead of “people seeking asylum”.
9.    Deuteronomy 24:17
10.    Deuteronomy 23:16-17
11.    http://hotline.org.il/en/about-us/
12.    Tanya, Chapter 30
13.    Abarbanel and Ralbag on these verses