Humans relate better to those we categorise as friends or kin, and we can develop such connections as much – or even more- by being together than by talking. On Tuesday night, a large number of Catholic bishops and Jewish leaders had a meal together. I found it inspiring and challenging.
Bishop Greg Homeming, an older man with glasses, dressed in a very
simple brown monk’s robe and sandals, spoke to us about his experiences of friendship
and breaking bread with Jewish people. In his anecdotes and sincerity, he
demonstrated the importance of being together.
The bishop shared his experience of having Shabbat dinner with a
Jewish family. After the meal, they all began shouting at each other. His own
cultural heritage is Chinese, and the lively arguing that was normal for this
family of Jewish-Lithuanian culture was new and interesting for him. I have
developed a friendship with this bishop, but there was another rabbi there with
whom he had developed a close bond over many years. I observed them from a
distance during dinner. They were in animated conversation like old friends. This
was a man who walked his talk.
The bishop’s hospitality was outstanding. They organised kosher
catering for us. Delicious salmon, purple and orange carrots, roast potatoes,
salad, humous, fruit and two types of cake for dessert. The company was lovely,
chatting about various experiences, including how bishops are appointed and
visiting people in prison among other matters. As I was leaving, a bishop who
had had breakfast with my son and me in July 2024 at a kosher café remembered
my son’s name and asked how he was. It was an outstanding evening.
Yet, I felt a bit restless. I believe passionately in the
importance of “being”, as in being present and being the best version of
ourselves, as opposed to just doing important tasks. Yet, I am a product of
three cultures that emphasise activity. Judaism teaches us that “action is the
main thing” (1); Chabad Hasidism, under the leadership of its last Rebbe, urged
relentless and urgent activism and I am a child of New York, a city that never
sleep or stops hustling. I was in a room full of leaders who were responsible
for the education of hundreds of thousands of children, teachers and believers
and it was such an opportunity to work, yet we sat like a bunch of people
without a care in the world. This was because the dialogue of being was very
important for all of us. There is also something Christian (or Catholic) about
the experience I had that night, that moved me even if I can’t fully articulate
it.
The intersection between being, doing and
hospitality plays out in the story of Abraham who was “being” inspired and elevated
by a divine revelation (2). Despite the loftiness of this experience, Abraham intentionally
(3) shifted his attention from the divine visitation to an opportunity to offer
hospitality to passing travellers (4). This
choice is justified in the Talmud as a principle that welcoming guests is
greater than receiving the divine presence, the Shechina (5).
The prioritisation of hospitality over spiritual
ecstasy could be understood as prioritising doing over being. This missed the
idea that for Abraham being hospitable was a deeply moving and joyful (6)
experience. Abraham’s enthusiasm can be seen in the way his whole family was
enlisted in feeding the travellers and the five references to speed, rushing
and running in describing the preparation (7). It helps to contrast the
hospitality of Abraham’s nephew Lot (8) with that of Abraham. While both men
insisted that their reluctant guests join them, in Lot’s case, there was no
reference to speed or any member of his family joining in (9).
As I reflect on the hospitality, fellowship,
friendship and food offered to me last night by new and old friends, I acknowledge
a precious gift and I recommit to the value of being, and the practice of the
dialogue of being. Not all dialogue involves words. This is beautifully put in a psalm: “There is
no talking, without their voices being heard. [Yet], in all of the earth, their
message goes forth, their ‘words’ to the very edges of the world.” (10)
1)
Ethics of the Fathers 1:17
2) Genesis 18:1
3) Rabbi Simcha Zisl of Kelm
4) Genesis 18:2
5) Talmud, Shavuot 35b.
6) The Baal Shem Tov comment relating to Genesis 18:19
7) Genesis 18:6-8
8) Genesis 19:1-3
9) Hattin, M., Vayera | Life's Concentric Circles, https://etzion.org.il/en/tanakh/torah/sefer-bereishit/parashat-vayera/vayera-lifes-concentric-circles
10)
Psalm 19:4-5
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