It is 4 am and I can't sleep. Thoughts and worries rob me of much needed sleep.
Some of the flood of thoughts are personal and internal, combining with the troubles of others.
Yesterday I learned about the death of a 60 year old spouse of someone in Western Sydney that I have known through work for many years. He died of COVID.
According to a tweet by BBC reporter (of Afghan heritage) Yalda Hakim, the 5th of October was “Day 17 of Taliban ban on girls returning to secondary school in Afghanistan. Millions of girls across the country continue to be confined to their homes, deprived of an education” . An assistant principal in Kabul told Yalda "Today most of our teachers were crying for their students, when are they going to start studying above grade 6?”
I have been thinking about the idea that there is an alternative reality to the ordered world many of us spend time in. There is something beyond experiences of delicious, sufficient food, prioritised to do lists, walking in nature and spending time with people we love or like.“In the beginning of God’s creation of heaven and earth, [He first created] chaos and void, and darkness upon the face of the deep (1)”.
This chaos is not an event of the past but of the present. The energies of chaos and void, negation and destruction continue to lurk in the netherworld of reality and in the deep shadows of individual human hearts and subconscious minds (2). These forces pose an ongoing threat to burst out and submerge the world and our minds in a flood of destruction or upheaval (3). One role of the human being is to hold this chaos at bay and to actively work on creating all that is good, beautiful and nourishing (4).
Humans have often failed to contain the destructive forces. Many women continue to suffer sexual harassment. This is an ancient problem: “the sons of the powerful ones saw the daughters of man that they were good, so they took women from all that they chose” (5), including by force (6). The world was corrupted and filled with robbery (7). This ethical collapse was followed by a flood arising from the deep (as well as rain from above) and destroying everything (8).
Yet, as terrifying as the deep chaos is, we must resist the temptation to gather bricks and make towers (9) of false security. Police states preserve “order” with evil and harsh measures. Some of their rulers also create extra “security” for themselves in massive off-shore accumulations of wealth or other kinds of ‘towers’ to feed illusions of greatness and immortality (10).
Punitive self-talk mimics the tactics of the KGB by shaming and berating us every time a chaotic thought of self-doubt surfaces, arising from our dark shadowed subconscious. To overcompensate for the gnawing self-doubt and even loathing, some will display arrogant or narcissistic “bigness”, or hyper busyness.
But the chaos and “the deep” is not a fault but a design feature of creation and what makes us human. When we overcome or redirect misdirected desires or lusts this brings delight to our creator (11).
The floodwaters from the deep that brought destruction in the time Noah, represent the constant worries that threaten to overwhelm us. But as in the story of the flood, for those who responded appropriately with an “ark”, - wise or prayerful words for example- the waters raise the ark to a higher level representing the growth we can ultimately achieve prompted by the worries we might not have otherwise attained (12). Let us accept the chaos and shadows in ourselves and the inherent nature and realities of the world as the arena we are invited to play in and contribute to. Let’s add as much light, love, and learning as we can.
Notes
1)
Genesis
1:1-2, my translation paraphrases the interpretation of Rashi.
2)
Soloveitchik,
J.B. (1983) Halakhic Man, the Jewish Publications Society, p. 102
3)
Talmud
Succa 53a-b
4)
Soloveitchik,
J.B., p. 105
5)
Genesis
6:2
6)
R.
Bachaya
7)
Genesis
6:11
8)
Genesis
7:11
9)
Genesis
11:3-4
10)
Leibowitz,
Nehama (undated), New Studies in Bereshit- Genesis, Production Zion Ezra, p.
103
11)
R.
Levi Yitchak of Berditchev in the name of his father in Kedushas Levi, Noach,
p. 18
12)
The
Chabad - Lubavitcher Rebbes, see for example this adaptation by Loshak, A. https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/5258597/jewish/When-Times-Are-Tough-Be-Like-Noah.htm
