A Moment in Anger, A Lifetime in Goodwill. Rosh Hashana

I recently delivered a keynote at the MacKillop Institute’s “Lead the Way” conference about how I cared for myself and supported members of my Australian Jewish community. I reflected on the middle ground between anger and absence of anger, between ignoring danger and debilitating anxiety and between shamelessness and persistent shame. This is the path I have walked since the mass murder of 15 people at Bondi Beach on 14 December 2025. The multiple emotions that I have navigated have been heavy.

 

The feelings of loss and hurt are varied and I make no judgement on how others deal with their pain. However, we can still explore different ways of striving for emotional wellbeing to get to as good a place as possible.  After all, however difficult it may be to receive emotional support, the cost of not getting relief is high.

Limited Duration Emotions

In Genesis (1), Cain felt angry and his “face fell” after his offering of fruit was rejected by God. The fallen face is a classic shame response. God challenged Cain with two questions. The first was; why was Cain angry? The second question was, “Why has your face fallen?” While Cain had failed to please God with his offering, and an initial feeling of shame was understandable, ruminating on rejection that led to persistent shame was not helping Cain.

One of the Chasidic masters compared a person in a low mood to a wrestler who is feeling down and can be easily defeated by a weaker but positive opponent (2). If we allow our negative emotions to drag us down, we won’t have the energy we need to prevail over our inner struggles. 

Trying to deny or squash one’s emotions does not work because they, especially fear and anger, are like alarm clocks, natural alerts telling us that a response is needed.  If I feel anger because something is wrong, and it leads me to have an adrenaline spike and I use this emotion as fuel to motivate myself and others to change something specific, then the anger is clearly beneficial.

However, we can regulate our emotions to feel them for shorter amounts of time. Emotions are like an alarm clock - anger, fear, etc are a response to a situation to alert us that a response might be needed. Once our alarm clock rings, we need to switch it off. For those of us who are in the habit of scrolling social media, we have ongoing stimuli that trigger ongoing emotions. It is like spending the whole day with an alarm clock ringing at top volume.

When strong emotions such as fear, anger or despair become more pervasive and semi-permanent, they start to eat away at our well-being, with diminishing returns in terms of righting any wrongs or solving any problems.

Another argument for shortened anger can be made based on a psalm referring to divine anger. “For one moment, I find myself in His anger, a lifetime in His goodwill” (3) The Talmud states that God’s anger lasts for one 16^th of a second, every day! (4)

A values Star

Another factor is inner coherence. My clarity about my principles and my work with Muslims and others was strong enough to dismiss an angry outburst at a cemetery at the end of the funeral of a friend killed at Bondi, on 16 December, just two days after the murders. A man yelled at me that “my Muslims” did this and included some profanities.  The reason this rant did not hurt me was, first, that his accusation was absurd. But second, I have been on a journey toward what I call having a settled soul that comes from internal clarity.  

The Together for Humanity team was working recently with some 13-year-old girls at a Jewish school. Out of a menu of 18 values, we asked the girls to prioritise five or six values and paint a wooden star to depict their choses top values. The purpose of this exercise was to give the students representations of their values to help them navigate life and be less thrown by strong emotions.

The process for selecting the values drew on the Schwartz theory of basic human values, which encompasses hedonism or fun and the desire for power and control as well as care for others, universalism and tradition. We hope that a clearer sense of their most important values would make the girls less vulnerable to the judgement of others; when we know who we are, others’ representation of us matters less.

Ruminating after Bondi

One form of fear I have noticed recently in the Jewish community is a persistent anxiety or heaviness – which of course is completely understandable. The anxiety is made worse for some people in the community by ruminating on everything that is wrong and terrible, fed by doom-scrolling and endless circular conversations in person and on WhatsApp. Being more intentional about our attention might help some people, at least some of the time. My reduced use of social media in general – at least a lot of the time – has been very helpful to me.

Hope

Despite all the concerns, I remain hopeful – at least some of the time - and I have spoken to Jewish communities around Australia, arguing against voices of despair.

When I spoke to a Jewish community in Perth, some in the audience said that all hope was lost for Jewish people in Australia and that we need to move to other countries. They argued that our time is similar to what they experienced in the former Soviet Union or what happened with the Nazis in the lead-up to the Holocaust.

I acknowledged that there are legitimate safety concerns, that there are people who wish to do us harm and are prepared to put such wishes into action. On the other hand, there are important differences between what is happening now and what happened in the past, and the future is still up for grabs. The future has not happened yet. There are decisions being made now that can take our country in a good direction. We can improve education in schools to encourage intercultural curiosity and wellbeing for all; we can have leadership in the public sphere that pushes back on narratives that represent people as less than others or collectively deserving of hatred. 

The same group of Jewish girls I mentioned earlier met a Muslim woman in a hijab whom I will call Fatima. Fatima talked to the girls about her experience at their age of attending a government school in regional Australia and craving to fit in and blend in. Despite this desire, she kept her scarf on because this was important to her as a young person of faith. The Jewish girls applauded her choice. In doing so, they not only showed care and respect for another, but also normalised their own place in multi-faith Australia. The warmth and love shown by those girls gives me hope.

We can be furious and fearful about specific behaviours and harm and take ethically considered action to respond to those emotions in ways that address the problem without causing unjustified harm. Then we can be intentional about directing our attention to thoughts and stimuli and self-care practices that enable us to be calm in ourselves and caring toward our neighbours. Renewing our social contract and flourishing together requires nothing less.

Notes

1)       Genesis, 4:5

2)       Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, in Tanya chapter 26

3)       Psalm 30:6

4)       Talmud, Brachot, 7a 

Embrace the pain

Embrace the pain

I felt quite uncomfortable as I observed a five-year-old girl erupt in frustration and rage when he was rejected by his peers as he tried to join them in an activity. At times, in the quest for scarce means of sustenance, status or companionship, there is plenty of pain to go around. 

One strategy is to escape into fantasy. In my late teens, as a somewhat insecure young man, I was chosen to be a ‘lieutenant general’ in a summer camp ’colour war’ activity.  As part of this role, I was carried on someone’s shoulders dressed in a camouflage army uniform. At the time I thought I looked glorious and once told a friend that I liked “that [inflated] Zalman” better than the real one.

That memory came to me while studying this week’s Torah reading about Pharaoh dreaming of standing on the water of the Nile River[i].  Pharoah dreamed of cows and grain, hinting at catastrophic famine for his nation and people in the region. But first, Pharaoh noticed his own position in the dream: ְbehold he was standing on the Nile River, like a god walking on water. His dream reflected the fact that he made himself into a god who controlled the Nile[ii]. “My Nile is my own; I made it myself[iii]”. While this delusion served Pharaoh’s political interests[iv], it might have also served an emotional need to overcompensate for any insecurities.

This blog post is an argument for not running away from pain, before or after it occurs. In the Torah reading, the Pharoah’s nightmare-induced funk was relieved when a prisoner with a talent for dream interpretation, Joseph, was brought before the king. Joseph had been imprisoned for two years (in the final phase of his jail time), yet it felt like a few days for him. This was because “afflictions are treasured by the righteous”, and these two years [of imprisonment] were [for Joseph] like two days[v]. He saw the problem as something to accept rather than resist.

Joseph’s father was not so accepting of the troubles in his life. He craved tranquility as he ‘settled’ in the land of Canaan[vi]. Not long after Jacob had ’settled’, a terrible event occurred. His favourite son Joseph disappeared. Joseph’s own brothers sold him into slavery then misled their father about what happened. While the loss of a son is a terrible tragedy, Jewish tradition suggests that Jacob’s suffering was related to his seeking to be ‘settled into tranquility’ in his life on earth, rather leaving such aspirations for the afterlife in heaven. We are encouraged to feel like foreigners passing through this life, to expect and accept hardships in this foreign place rather than resisting the inevitable disappointments with false hopes of a trouble-free life[vii]. 

One challenging form of pain many people seek to avoid is the shame and guilt that arises from causing harm. For Joseph’s brothers, many years passed and still they failed to confront the cruel robbing of their young brother’s freedom until they found themselves the victims of false imprisonment. This predicament caused the penny to drop. The brothers reflected on what they did to Joseph and proclaimed; “but we are guilty about our brother, that we saw the distress of his soul, when he pleaded with us but we did not listen”[viii].

Joseph’s brothers felt a mixture of shame and guilt about their sin. Yet, the eldest brother Reuben chose not to ease his brothers’ discomfort; instead, he seemed to rub it in. “Did I not tell you, do not sin with the boy, but you did not listen, and also his blood is now demanded of us[ix]”. Reuben gave his brothers a master class in repentance. It is not enough to say ‘sorry’ as a response to being punished. He invited his brothers to make a deep personal commitment to now take responsibility for the choice they made to commit an injustice and sin against an innocent child all those years ago. He urged them to put aside any excuses, and own up to their choice[x].

The rejected five-year-old girl got a ‘sorry’ from the other girls. It did little to change how she felt. Sitting with the harm caused to, and by us is a slow and painful but useful path to healing.

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[i] Genesis 41:1

[ii] R. Bchaye, on Gensis 41:1

[iii] Ezekiel 29:3

[iv] Chemdas Yamim manuscript in Torah Shlaima, p. 1530, tell us more about this. Pharoah was constantly ruminating about the matter of the Nile. He would say to himself, “if the Nile will not rise this year then there will be a great famine, or if he add a lot of water then it might ruin the crops and I told the Egyptians that I made the Nile and now I will be [considered] a liar to them”. He saw his dream in a way that was similar to his ruminations… In the end he recognised that his dream will require him to tell the people that he in in fact not God, and he admitted this to Joseph when he said that after God made all this known to you, he acknowledged that there is a God other than himself. 

[v] Midrash Habiur, a manuscript, cited in Torah Shleima, p. 1529, 8. The midrash is based on the fact that the verse states it was two years – days. If it was two “years”, why does it say “days”?

[vi] Midrash Rabba on Genesis 37:1

[vii] Rabbi Yitzchak Ben Aramaa, in Akedat Yitzchak, Genesis Shaar 30, p. 257

[viii] Genesis 42:21

[ix] Genesis 42:22

[x] Rabbi MM Schneerson, The Lubavitcher Rebbe in Likutei Sichot, Vol 16, Miketz

 

Escape the Inner Noise

I am reading, in a book by Christine Jackman, about the problem of the stream of troubling thoughts or chatter in our minds [i] and the virtue of achieving quiet and stillness.  Such thoughts are sometimes self-recriminating: “Why was I such a fool?” They can be stewing about other people’s faults: “She is so horrible.” Or fearful thoughts. All these thoughts can flood us with negativity, outrage, envy, anxiety, and stress. What is to be done?

Shame

Jackman is searingly honest about the self-critical thoughts that would sometimes torment her. She is not alone in being afflicted by the stream of thoughts in her mind. “Studies have revealed that most people find it hard to tolerate being alone with their thoughts, even for relatively short periods of time.” “Simply being alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes was apparently so aversive that it drove many participants to self-administer an electric shock…[ii]” just to avoid the discomfort of facing themselves. I understand this as some of us feeling ashamed of our own inadequacies and afraid of being confronted with these.

It doesn’t make sense because most of us are not really so shame-worthy. Yet, such thoughts persist.

Fear and Worry

Sometimes we ruminate not on our self-worth but on what we should do, especially relating to earning a livelihood. “The many thoughts in the heart of man, that hassle the person by raising many doubts about every matter…being pulled this way and that way…[iii]”. More ominous, are undefined fears that are not related to a clear danger. This is explained by the sages as a fear that “although he does not see it, his guardian angel [iv]  his soul [v] or perhaps his subconscious - sees the danger [vi]”. This could be very unsettling.  

Don’t run

Rumi wrote, “Your old life was a frantic running from silence [vii]”. Jackman quotes Rumi as a way of reflecting on the fact that her ruminating thoughts were a way to avoid confronting her deeper self, hidden beneath the noisy, repetitive, and meaningless thoughts. Instead, she encourages us to stop the flow of ruminating thoughts and be still – primarily through meditation or walking mindfully in a forest [viii]. This is not a quick fix, but this capacity can be built over time. Like Jackman, Carl Jung called us to look at the “shadow” part of ourselves, those parts of ourselves that might otherwise remain hidden, but still influence our thoughts and life.

At the right time

I agree with Jung and Jackman that it is better to confront ourselves, than to escape, at least sometimes. On the other hand, I think escape can sometimes be a good thing as well. Chasidic writings suggest that, if ruminating thoughts about sins we’ve committed, or not being good enough, pop into our head, “this is what one should take to his heart, this is not a good time… [to effectively deal with such concerns and for introspection], this requires specially scheduled sessions, at an appropriate moment, with a settled mind [ix]”. I have tried this technique and it worked for me. After telling myself that now is not a good time for ruminating on my faults and past shortcomings, I was able to park that thought for another time and refocus on what was in front of me at that time.

Silence in Conflict

One of the great men of the Talmud stated, “I grew up among the wise and I have not found anything better for the body than silence [x].”  One virtue of silence is when one, for example, hears him/herself being denigrated, and is silent [xi]. A lot of the “noise” in our heads consists of rehearsed or rehashed conversations we might have with other people in response to their hurtful words. It would be much better for us if we could stop those thoughts and shift to equanimity. A beautiful phrase in a Jewish prayer expresses this aspiration: “To those who curse me, may my soul be silent [xii]”. Alternatively, another prayer states, “I forgive anyone who sinned against me… [including] sins against my honour [xiii].”

Jackman cautions against expecting a complete and quick transformation. Instead, she urges the reader to keep at it. The Torah would certainly agree.

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[i] Jackman, C (2020), Turning Down The Noise: The quiet power of silence in a busy world, Murdoch Books, Sydney, London

[ii] Wilson, T.D. et al, In Jackman, C (2020), p. 146

[iii] The Rebbe, Rabbi Shmuel, known as the Maharash, in Toras Shmuel, Maamar Mayim Rabbim, p, 1

[iv] Rashi commentary on Talmud, Megila 3a

[v] Steinzaltz commentary on Talmud, Megila 3a

[vi] Talmud, Megila 3a, cited in Rabbi Chayim Yosef David Azulai, Toras Hachida , Devarim, p 11

[vii] Jackman, C, (2020), p. 73

[viii] Michelle Brenner has introduced me to the concept of forest bathing and walking meditation – which can be achieved, at least partially, by walking in nature and being very mindful of one’s surroundings. Jackman also writes about walking in nature.

[ix] Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi in Tanya chapter 26, as adapted by Miller, C. (2016), the Practical Tanya, part 1, p. 305

[x] Pirkey Avot 1:17

[xi] Ovadia Bartenura on Pirkey Avot 1:17

[xii] The end of the Amida, Elohai Netzor

[xiii] The prayer before going to sleep

Ashamed of one’s child

6 May 2019. As I write these lines, my third oldest son is in the air. He is flying to return to study Torah in Kiryat Gat, Israel, which is only twenty kilometres from Gaza. I was unsure about him getting on the plane yesterday. I am worried about him and all the people who live in that area, both the Israelis in Southern Israel and the Palestinians in Gaza. But, the choice is his, because I do not “own” my son.

I wonder about the independence of children from their parents. I worry about parents feeling ashamed of their children’s failures or shortcomings based on the view that these failures reflect on the parents. It is hard on both parents and their children.

The following verse in the Torah reading this week jumped out at me and got me thinking about all this. “And, if a kohen's (a priest’s) daughter defiles herself through harlotry, it is her father that she desecrates; she shall be burned in fire” (1).

Let us put aside the terrible punishment which I have previously explored (2), except to make clear that these kinds of punishments have not been administered for over two thousand years. Let us also not address the worthwhile questions of why it is the father that we are concerned about but not the mother (3), and why we focus on the sins of the daughters but not those committed by the sons (4). Instead, let us focus on the question of the parent-child enmeshment.  

The verse begins with the word “and”, which implies a continuation of the content of the preceding verses. These verses are focused on priests being “holy”, which also includes a prohibition against the priest marrying a prostitute or a divorcee (an odd combination). One can infer from this that a man’s status is tied up with “his” women, as discussed last year (5).

The Talmud suggests that people will curse the father instead of honoring him (6). To put it another way: the daughter’s behaviour "causes her father to become belittled in the eyes of his friends, who 'know' that he failed miserably in the way he raised his daughter” (7).  This really makes me cringe. It is the equivalent of ‘what will the neighbors say?’. The focus here appears to be on the reputational risk to parents in positions of religious authority. As one man put it, “I wonder if any “clergy kids” have any trouble understanding the [painful] logic behind this verse? …they are raised in an environment of “don’t do anything to embarrass me” [the clergyman] or diminish my reputation” (8).

I feel confronted by the idea that a person would not be free to live their life as they see fit just because someone else needs them to preserve a certain image for someone else. Perhaps, it could be argued that this loss of respect for the dad by his community is improper (9), but it is an unfortunate aspect of human nature. However, according to one authority (10), the loss of respect from peers has even been formalized into law. According to this view, a Cohen-father, whose daughter has changed her faith to worship idols or committed adultery, would not be accorded the honors he would normally get as a Cohen (such as being the first to be called up for the Torah reading). Thankfully, this particular practice of implied shaming and blaming is certainly not practiced today (11).

There are authoritative interpretations that explain this matter as being about the daughter herself, rather than about her father. In these interpretations it is the daughter, not the father, who is desecrated by an act of adultery (12).  

As I reflect on these teachings, I am left with the following thoughts. On the one hand, as parents, we are the guardians of our children, entrusted with their wellbeing and education; we are not their owners. We need to support them in achieving success, but with our motivation being primarily to look after their best interests, and our pride being a secondary consideration. The principle of individual freedom is sacred to me. No one should be pressured to live their lives just to conform to another person’s vanity, opinions or dreams (13). On the other hand, however, as much as I don’t like it, parents' self-esteem is often tied up with their children’s achievements or failures. We dream for our children, we put our heart into facilitating their success, and it is hard to then be philosophical if they seem to be underachieving. It is appropriate for children to take into account the impact of their choices on their parents and other members of their families. We are all interconnected.  

Notes
1)     Leviticus, 21:9, translation based on Ibn Ezra and  https://www.sefaria.org/Leviticus.21?lang=bi&aliyot=0
2)     Cohen’s daughter… blog post
3)     The Chida, in Torat Hachida, Vol 3, p. 96, 16
4)     Abarbanel, on the Sidra, question 5
5)     http://torahforsociallyawarehasid.blogspot.com/2018/05/cohen-forbidden-to-marry-divorcee-emor.html
6)     Sanhedrin 52?, cited in Rashi
7)     Chizkuni
8)     Myron Chaitovsky, in a Facebook discussion. 7.05.2019
9)     Haamek Davar
10)  Mordechai, Chapter 6, Sanhedrin, cited in Torah Temima to this verse, also cited in Rema to Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim, 128:41),  
11)  See commentaries to Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim, 128:41, Taz, who cites 128:39 as proof, Magen Avraham, שיירי כנסת הגדולה and and Teshuvos Shvus Yaakov, cited in Be’er Haitev.
12)  Targum Unkelus, particularly as explained by Meshech Chochma, interprets this as her losing the holiness that she had previously received from her father that she desecrates within herself rather than desecrating her father, Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel, he interprets the reference to the father as a technical condition of the law, that it only applies in a case where she is married, or betrothed, but still living in her father’s house.
13)  Rabbi Mendel of Kotzk’s teachings on this resonate strongly for me. Including the following, cited in Dr. Twersky’s writing:  If I am I, simply because I am I, and you are you, simply because you are you; then I am I and you are you. But if I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you, this particular version is cited in The Rift in Israel: Religious Authority and Secular Democracy (1971) by Samuel Clement Leslie, p. 145, https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Menachem_Mendel_of_Kotzk

Shame: the case of Old David & Abishag the pretty virgin

This week I spent a day with a group of mostly Muslim high school students, and restorative justice leader Terry O’Connell. We heard about a 14 year old boy, “Garry” who knocked Terry down to the ground with a punch when Terry was a young police officer. Terry found out that the teenager was stuck in a cycle of shame and lashing out at others. We learned about “the compass of shame” that leads people to attack others and/or self, withdrawal and avoidance (1). I wonder if shame and self loathing on the part of some men plays some role in the disregarding of the dignity and rights of women in their lives. To understand the mind and heart of offenders is not to condone their choices (2) but might help prevent them reoffending.   

These thoughts were on my mind as I tried to make sense of a Biblical story that was recited last Saturday in my Synagogue about King David as an old man. David was very cold and being covered by clothing failed to warm him. Avishag, a very beautiful girl, was found and brought to the king, because his servants thought having a beautiful virgin lie in his lap would warm him. Although Avishag served David, and perhaps did lie in his lap (3) “the king did not know her” (4).  

In one elaboration of the story (5) Avishag said to King David, “‘Let us marry,’ but he [David] said, ‘You are forbidden to me.’ ‘When courage fails the thief, he becomes virtuous,’ she mocked”. She was obviously resentful of the proposed arrangement. This version of the story implies that Avishag was not ok with the arrangement of being the king’s body warmer if she wasn't going to be his wife and appears to legitimize the objectification of women. However this ancient story would generally not be taken as license by Jewish religious male readers, as it violates relevant Jewish laws (6). It is likely that the moral messages of the story (7) would be the one that are received by most readers, rather than what comes up for readers viewing it from a critical literary lens.

One interpretation of the story brings us back to the “compass of shame”. David’s “weakness and his exceptional coldness was due to the “many troubles and wars that never left him all the days of his life, sleep was driven from his eyes in the ways of the warriors...His sin with Bathsheba [who he saw bathing and lusted after] and Uria [her soldier husband whose death David hastened] was always on his mind (8) and he would cry about his sins and worry about them a lot all day and all night” (9). His unresolved shame appeared to lead him to attack himself constantly in his mind and combined with possible post traumatic stress, and grief (10) profoundly unbalanced his mind .  

David's response to shame is further highlighted in a contemporary analysis of our story (11). In contrast to the bold, decisive, even impulsive younger king, we see a withdrawn, avoidant, passive man paralysed by his guilt about Bathsheba. He said and did nothing when his son raped his daughter (12) and when her full brother killed his half-brother rapist. Even when his advisers suggested the young virgin he said nothing, he just allowed them to proceed without permission or protest.  He was also oblivious to one of his sons, Adonija, presumptively, claiming that he will succeed David as king (13).  

Shame might also explain what has been described as a far fetched (14) explanation of story in the Talmud that the reason for David's predicament in which his clothes didn't warm him was a punishment for his cutting off the corner of King Saul’s robe (15) many years earlier. This was deemed as a “sin against clothing” (16). David had little respect for clothing and the dignity they confer on the wearer. At another time in his life, David danced wildly before God, allowing parts of his body to be uncovered (17). The symbolism of clothing is quite linked to shame, in fact clothing is first introduced as a means of dealing with shame (18). David doesn't manage shame well.

 

In the end David's shame was overcome. Avishag’s role in the palace had been hidden, she was ostensibly the king’s treasurer (19). However, in a dramatic moment, Bathsheba walked in on David and Avishag in bed together, as Avishag warmed the old King (20).  Bathsheba confronted the king with the subject of his shame; his sin with her. She reminded him that he and she had been so overwhelmed by shame and fear of stigma after their first born son died that she didn't want to be with David anymore. But they had overcome their feelings when David made an oath that their next son together would succeed him as king (21). When he heard Bathsheba, he came alive again. He decisively directed the coronation of the wise Solomon as king as he had promised. This doesn't make everything ok, but by dealing with his shame he is able to function and net his obligations.

Returning to 14 year old Gary. Terry, the caring cop, met with him and his mother. There were tears running down his mother's cheeks and healthy shame for this young man about his mistakes. He dealt with it and broke the cycle, he sat up a little straighter and was given opportunities to make things right. Shame is powerful, it can be terribly destructive but it can also redeem.

1. Nathanson, D. L. (1992), Shame and Pride: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self, cited by O’Connell, T, in resources prepared by Real Justice.
2. An argument I first heard being made by UK prime minister John Major
3. This is the view of Radak, Metzudas David and Rashi commentaries to 1 Kings 1:4 and 1:15, Abarbanel wrote:  While by nature King David loved women and was driven to sexual relations, [at this point of his old age] he was already so deficient in his powers that he had no intimacy with her [Avishag] and did not draw close to her to lie with her…
4. 1 Kings 1:1-4
5. Talmud, Sanhedrin 22a, the Talmud goes on to relate David’s response to her mockery “Then he said to them [his servants], ‘Call me Bathsheba [his wife]’”. He had intercourse with his wife numerous times to demonstrate that he was still virile”. This raises a further objection as the old King proving his sexual prowess by summoning his wife also doesn't come across as being infused with love and equality between two people.
6. Jewish laws does not allow a man and woman who are not of the same nuclear family to touch each other or being in a room alone with the door locked unless it is a medical situation for example.
7. See Siegelbaum, C. B, quoting her teacher Rav Carmel, http://rebbetzinchanabracha.blogspot.com.au/2010/10/developing-our-feminine-attribute-of.html that takes an approach articulated by Rabbi Shmuel Yerushalmi in Yalkut Me’am Loez Moznaim, p7, citing Ralbag (although I can’t find it in Ralbag). They argued that this incident was a way for David to demonstrate that he had repented from the incident with Bathsheba in which he succumbed to his lust. The highest expression of repentance involves “overcoming the desire to sin despite being in the exact same situation with equally powerful temptations as when originally committing the transgression (Maimonides, laws of Teshuva, 1:1). This anecdote shows that David had indeed repented in the very highest way, and that it was not because he was too old that he held himself back from taking Avishag”
8. Psalm 51:5
9. Abarbanel
10. Abarbanel also mentioned David's “troubles with his son Amnon [who raped his sister and David's daughter] Tamar, and Abshalom who rebelled against David weakened his heart and spirit.”
11. Israel, A. http://www.hatanakh.com/sites/herzog/files/herzog/1_4.pdf
12. 2 Samuel 13
13. 1 Kings 1
14. Radak commentary to 1 Kings 1:1
15. Talmud Berakhot 62b
16. Yalkut Me’am Loez, p. 5
17. II Samuel 6:16-22, metzudat David commentary to 6:20
18. Genesis, see another interpretation http://www.hatanakh.com/en/content/adoniyahus-insurrection-and-kings-clothing
19. Ralbag
20. Radak to 1 Kings 1:15
21. Radak, to 1 Kings 1:13
    

    

Dignity, Dialogue and Donald Trump

Human dignity is greatly emphasized in Judaism. The threat that Trump’s election poses to the dignity of women and minorities is very serious. As one Trump supporter put it: “the effect of Trump is that everything becomes permissible” (1). The risk is that Trump will normalise bigotry and hate-speech to the extent that we are less aware and less questioning of hurtful and humiliating behaviour in the future. However, our solidarity with minorities does not require dismissing the indignities of those doing it tough, including rural white voters who voted for Trump in overwhelming numbers. . Furthermore, I suggest we even take a moment to think about Trump’s own indignity. I know, I ask for a lot from many who are outraged about this election, but there is a time for everything, (2) and now more than ever is a time for dialogue and exploration rather than building walls.  

My call for dialogue does not preclude howling in indignation. On the contrary, it might well be a time “to hurl (assertive but civil and strictly verbal) stones”. To speak of Trump without condemnation is, in most cases, to condone his sins. His rhetoric against Mexicans and Muslims recalls the cruelty of the city of Sodom to outsiders in a xenophobic effort to preserve the wealth of its fertile valley (3). Condemnation counters the normalization of deplorable views, but of course calling people deplorable based on their likely voting intentions is unwise, and it is also wrong.

As Jews we need to emulate Abraham, who welcomed all travelers into his homes even if their beliefs (5) and values were diametrically opposed to his own. On social media, I have noticed a ‘trend to unfriend’ those who support trump by those opposed to him. The research shows that engaging people with prejudices can be effective (6) (see the article referred to in this footnote for one touching example of successfully canvassing for Trans rights through non-judgemental conversation and empathy). In such conversations it is important to listen more than we talk.

I tried some respectful engagement myself this morning in a Jewish Whatsapp group that includes some Trump supporters, where someone posted a racist comment. Instead of moralising, I appealed to self interest by pointing out that the racists who despise Muslims, Mexicans and Blacks also hate Jews. My comments on the Whatsapp chat emboldened other members of the group to also speak out against racism within the group chat.

Some have argued, and I think correctly, that one factor that contributed to Trump’s support was an anger by white rural voters toward  sophisticated city people who talked down to them. This perceived disrespect is part of what drove the anger toward elitism that pervaded American society, that was exploited, by Donald Trump to drive passion and energy into his supporters. This anger doesn’t justify degradation of any group, but we should not ignore the manifest anger that exists. This anger is borne of passion and stems from stories and backgrounds that we cannot always comprehend - but we should try to understand it and address any genuine injustices and needs. The distinction between condoning specific expressions of anger and understanding their sources can be applied when thinking about Trumps relationship with the media.

One of the most powerful articles I read about Trump was by a journalist who observed Trump rile up his rural poor audiences against the “elite” journalists. He recounts: “I was huddled in the media pen with the traveling press, awaiting the moment Trump would point at us and incite his 5,000 minions to jeer... (but) it only now dawned on me, in the final week of the campaign, to my great horror, that the real reason they put us in the pen was so they could turn us into props...He never once failed to invite his crowds to heckle us. He was placing us on display like captured animals. Behold, Trump said to his fans, I’ve rounded up a passel of those elites you detest. And I’ve caged them for you! Allow me to belittle them for your delight. Here, now you take a turn—go ahead, have at it! Do it again, don’t be shy!”.

However, an incident in 2011 suggests there might have been reveal a more personal l reason for Trumps enthusiasm for humiliating journalists, one which exemplifies the cycle of hurt and hate that Donald Trump was once a victim to, but is now perpetuating and leading. During that the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner, Trump was repeatedly humiliated by President Obama and another comedian with cutting jokes. “Mr. Trump at first offered a drawn smile, then a game wave of the hand. But as the president’s mocking of him continued and people at other tables craned their necks to gauge his reaction, Mr. Trump hunched forward with a frozen grimace. After the dinner ended, Mr. Trump quickly left, appearing bruised” (7). He had been humiliated by 1000 laughing journalists. His revenge demonstrated that “hurt people, hurt people (8)”. We must break the cycle of hurt and take great care with our words (9). It is a time to heal!

Herein lies one lesson of hope from an otherwise draining election: We must employ a radical empathy and understanding to all those who we encounter, regardless of divergent ideologies. Indeed, Leviticus instructs that “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinsfolk.” Thus, despite the hate-filled rhetoric from Donald Trump and his supporters, that has served to embolden hate, and the hostility from city folk toward rural people, now is the time to move past that mood and embrace dialogue over division.

As Martin Luther King said “We’ve got some difficult days ahead..”, however “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice”, for all people regardless of their skin color, gender, sexuality or faith. It our task, with patience, listening, compassion and curiosity as well as assertiveness to make sure that it does.

First published on At the Well. http://www.atthewell.com.au/article/dignity-dialogue-and-donald-trump

Notes:

1. Milo Yiannopoulos, http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/2016-election-day/elite-got-it-wrong-trump-s-supporters-want-you-know-n681121
2. Ecclesiastes - Chapter 3
3. Genesis 19, Talmud, Sanhedrin 109
4. http://www.vox.com/identities/2016/11/15/13595508/racism-trump-research-study
5. Rashi to Genesis 18:4
6. Stevenson, S. http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2016/11/on_the_trail_for_the_final_week_of_the_trump_campaign.html
7. http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/13/us/politics/donald-trump-campaign.html?_r=0,
8. Will Bowen
9. Jacobson, Y.Y., Rabbi, in a recorded talk shared on whatapp, note the great sensitivity that God showed toward Abraham and Sarah in the Torah reading Vayera, Genesis 18:13 in which He doesn't repeat Sarah's words verbatim about Abraham being old, as she stated in verse 18:12.
10. Martin Luther King Jn. in The Mountaintop speech. http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkivebeentothemountaintop.htm