Shame
Jackman
is searingly honest about the self-critical thoughts that would sometimes
torment her. She is not alone in being afflicted by the stream of thoughts in
her mind. “Studies have revealed that most people find it hard to tolerate
being alone with their thoughts, even for relatively short periods of time.” “Simply
being alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes was apparently so aversive that
it drove many participants to self-administer an electric shock…[ii]”
just to avoid the discomfort of facing themselves. I understand this as some of
us feeling ashamed of our own inadequacies and afraid of being confronted with
these.
It
doesn’t make sense because most of us are not really so shame-worthy. Yet, such
thoughts persist.
Fear
and Worry
Sometimes
we ruminate not on our self-worth but on what we should do, especially relating
to earning a livelihood. “The many thoughts in the heart of man, that hassle
the person by raising many doubts about every matter…being pulled this way and
that way…[iii]”.
More ominous, are undefined fears that are not related to a clear danger. This
is explained by the sages as a fear that “although he does not see it, his guardian
angel [iv] his soul [v] or
perhaps his subconscious - sees the danger [vi]”.
This could be very unsettling.
Don’t
run
Rumi
wrote, “Your old life was a frantic running from silence [vii]”. Jackman quotes Rumi as a way of reflecting on the fact that her ruminating
thoughts were a way to avoid confronting her deeper self, hidden beneath the
noisy, repetitive, and meaningless thoughts. Instead, she encourages us to stop the
flow of ruminating thoughts and be still – primarily through meditation or
walking mindfully in a forest [viii].
This is not a quick fix, but this capacity can be built over time. Like
Jackman, Carl Jung called us to look at the “shadow” part of ourselves, those
parts of ourselves that might otherwise remain hidden, but still influence our
thoughts and life.
At
the right time
I
agree with Jung and Jackman that it is better to confront ourselves, than to
escape, at least sometimes. On the other hand, I think escape can sometimes be
a good thing as well. Chasidic writings suggest that, if ruminating thoughts
about sins we’ve committed, or not being good enough, pop into our head, “this
is what one should take to his heart, this is not a good time… [to effectively
deal with such concerns and for introspection], this requires specially
scheduled sessions, at an appropriate moment, with a settled mind [ix]”.
I have tried this technique and it worked for me. After telling myself that now
is not a good time for ruminating on my faults and past shortcomings, I was
able to park that thought for another time and refocus on what was in front of
me at that time.
Silence in Conflict
One
of the great men of the Talmud stated, “I grew up among the wise and I have not
found anything better for the body than silence [x].” One virtue of silence is when one, for
example, hears him/herself being denigrated, and is silent [xi].
A lot of the “noise” in our heads consists of rehearsed or rehashed
conversations we might have with other people in response to their hurtful
words. It would be much better for us if we could stop those thoughts and shift
to equanimity. A beautiful phrase in a Jewish prayer expresses this aspiration:
“To those who curse me, may my soul be silent [xii]”. Alternatively, another prayer states, “I forgive anyone who sinned against me…
[including] sins against my honour [xiii].”
Jackman
cautions against expecting a complete and quick transformation. Instead, she
urges the reader to keep at it. The Torah would certainly agree.
[i]
Jackman, C (2020), Turning Down The Noise: The quiet power of silence in a busy
world, Murdoch Books, Sydney, London
[ii] Wilson,
T.D. et al, In Jackman, C (2020), p. 146
[iii]
The Rebbe, Rabbi Shmuel, known as the Maharash, in Toras Shmuel, Maamar Mayim
Rabbim, p, 1
[iv]
Rashi commentary on Talmud, Megila 3a
[v]
Steinzaltz commentary on Talmud, Megila 3a
[vi] Talmud,
Megila 3a, cited in Rabbi Chayim Yosef David Azulai, Toras Hachida , Devarim, p
11
[vii]
Jackman, C, (2020), p. 73
[viii]
Michelle Brenner has introduced me to the concept of forest bathing and
walking meditation – which can be achieved, at least partially, by walking in
nature and being very mindful of one’s surroundings. Jackman also writes about
walking in nature.
[ix]
Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi in Tanya chapter 26, as adapted by Miller, C.
(2016), the Practical Tanya, part 1, p. 305
[x]
Pirkey Avot 1:17
[xi]
Ovadia Bartenura on Pirkey Avot 1:17
[xii]
The end of the Amida, Elohai Netzor
[xiii]
The prayer before going to sleep
