Spiritual Striving, a Rich Litvak, a Chechen Warrior: An Inclusive 47th Birthday Farbrengen

The “Rich Litvak and the Merchants” parable was discussed at a ‘farbrengen’ at my house this week celebrating my 47th birthday.  A farbrengen is traditionally a time for Chasidic men to sit together, sing, eat and talk about the challenges and emotions of living and service. My farbrengen also featured men, but it included two Christian clergy, and an assortment of Jews with a range of identities; gay and straight, Buddhist, Rabbis and non-religious. Unfortunately, none of my Muslim male friends that attended in the past joined us this year.

We talked about the vastness of some of the challenges we encounter, how to have such a strong centre as not to lose heart.

I reflected that there were others whose lives did not endure for 47 years including a young man who recently died, aged 23, whose brother I visited the previous night. Life is fragile. Aside from whatever we do or don’t achieve in our lives, I give thanks that I am alive! I am grateful for my heart that has been pumping blood and the rest of my body that has worked for 47 years. I give thanks for the huge amount of food that has been produced and provided to me over all that time. And still, despite all the blessings I have received, I am unsure how to manage the anxieties that I and others grapple with.

So I talked about the parable (1) of the rich Litvak (Lithuanian) and the Polish businessmen who lodged in the same inn. The Litvak put his backpack down on the ground and fell asleep instantly. The merchants fussed with pillows and bedding but found sleep elusive. The Litvak explained to them in the morning that he could fall asleep because his bag was his own while their bedding belonged to others. In addition, the merchants were focused on whatever pleasure they could have on the road. There was no pleasure waiting for them at home, only aggressive creditors that would tear at them to retrieve their money. But the Litvak’s pleasure focus was ‘at home’ so what happened on the road was just a means to an end and didn’t stress him out. The purpose driven person can be less impacted by troubles along the way. “He who has a ‘why’ to live for, can bear almost any how.” (2)

I burst into some Chasidic songs of longing and spiritual striving, some words, one in yiddish. Those who didn’t know the songs just experienced the vibe of the songs.

A few of the participants talked about striving to do good boldly but facing great obstacles. I repeated a story I heard at a conference in Indonesia from a Muslim man from Dagestan about a great Chechen warrior of the mountains named Shamil (3). Shamil had been leading the war for independence against the Russians but now found himself a prisoner in a wagon. As the wagon travelled for days, Shamil kept asking his captors ‘where are we?’ The answer every day was the same: Russia. When Shamil finally realised how vast Russia was he said that if he had known how big it was he would not have tried to fight it. Sometimes the darkness seems too formidable. Jock, one of the Christian Farbrengen participants suggested that the story might relate to the way God leads us to do great things without allowing us to see the vastness of the challenge beforehand so we don’t give up before we start.

As I start my 48th year I am determined to do what I can to bring people together despite the challenges to that task. The Farbrengen was a delightful experience of people from different walks of life, exploring the common experience of seeking to be great human beings at the same time as being only human.

1. R. Yaakov Yosef of Polnoy, in Toldot Yaakov Yosef Vayechi.
2. Friedrich Nietzsche, in Frankl, V. Man's Search for Meaning
3. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Shamil

Bigger than that! Jacob mode vs interfaith embrace and the inner Jihad of Yisrael

An edited version of my speech at the Together For Humanity Interfaith dinner, 30 Nov 2014. 

Jacob, the grandson of Abraham, was afraid of his own brother Esau (1). It is the same today: Australians fear their fellow Australians. 

Jacob offered a heartfelt prayer, “Save me, please, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he come and strike me, (and my family too) a mother and children”.

The dreaded moment arrived. Jacob met his brother Esau, who, because of an event in another time and another place, hated him.  Jacob bowed respectfully to his brother seven times (2).

“Esau ran toward him and embraced him, and he fell on his neck and kissed him, and they cried”.  We, Australians, need to meet our fellow Australian brothers and sisters respectfully to address the fear and embrace one another.

Before Jacob was to meet his brother, there was some internal work he needed to do, late at night, when he was “alone” (3). This is illustrated in an encounter he had with a “man”, who is said to be the guardian angel of his brother Esau (4). Jacob intended to run away from the encounter with his brother, but the angel was sent to prevent this. Jacob needed to show up and see that he would not be harmed (5).  With his escape cut off, Jacob wrestled with the angel. He asked his brother’s guardian angel to agree with his side of the argument (6). “Bless me,” (7) he pleaded, as if to say ‘tell me that I am right and my brother is wrong’.

The angel asked Jacob, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he replied.
The angel declared, “No more will your name be said as Jacob!” (8) The name Jacob means the one who holds others back, who plays a petty game, trying to prove that his/her group “are really the good ones”. “No!” the angel insisted, as if to say ‘it is time for you to embrace a bigger vision about who you are. Your new name, your new identity, is now Yisrael, the one who strives with God, who succeeds in an inner struggle/jihad in matters of the spirit and with men. You have a great purpose as the father of the Bnai Yisrael, (Banei Yisrael), to spread belief in God and promote righteousness.

Greg Barton, an Anglican Professor and expert on radicalisation, told me recently that, as he reads the story, Jacob had a cognitive opening. His thinking expanded. This is exactly what Australians of many backgrounds need. We need our thinking expanded. We need to be bigger - not allow our fears or the failings of some to define us or one another. We need to get to know the other as the other truly is and can potentially be, by stretching out a hand of friendship and showing respect. This has been the work of Together For Humanity, with over 75,000 children across Australia, many of whom had never met a Muslim or a Jew before. These children have participated in Together For Humanity programs facilitated by a Christian, a Muslim, a Jew and sometimes others.

Of course, there are reasons for hate, fear or avoiding embracing each other. Things have happened, thousands of miles from here that are unjust. There are legitimate concerns for many of us. It is not racist to say so. Things also happen in Australia that worry us - words spoken and prejudice. People wonder and worry about what people “here” think about what is happening “there”. Do they condemn it? Do they agree with it? How strong is the commitment to coexistence “on the other side”? Are they sincere?

Mistrust has deep roots. Esau’s embrace, kiss and weeping with Jacob have also been questioned. Some commentary suggests that Esau intended to bite Jacob’s neck (9). Esau is portrayed as telling himself, “I will not kill Jacob, my brother, with arrows and a bow, but I will kill him with my mouth and suck his blood!” (10). However there are other traditions that teach that, in that moment, Esau kissed Jacob sincerely “with his whole heart” (11).

The debate rages on in the Torah. The next verse tells us that “Esau lifted up his eyes, saw the women and the children and asked who they were” (12). The words “he saw the women” are interpreted to have sexual connotations - “Cursed are the wicked, that even during a time of trouble, their (evil) desires rules them” (13). Commentary ascribes this kind of thinking to Jacob as well. His daughter, Dina, is completely absent from the narrative. Even when it explicitly lists Jacob's wives and his eleven sons (14), there is no mention of his daughter, Dina. According to the Midrash (commentary), “Jacob put Dina in a box and locked it”, to protect her from Esau. However, this fear is met with divine disapproval and given as a “reason” for Dina’s eventually ending up in a “forbidden marriage” (15) with Shchem, the local prince, who abducted and abused her (16).  The ambivalence lingers on, thousands of years later.

What I take from all of this, are three lessons: 1) Conflict transformation is possible. 2) It is not easy to overcome fear and suspicion. 3) There are often ambiguities and judgement calls, such as, ‘do we ignore the elephant in the room, Israel/Palestine, for example?’ ‘do we feed it and allow the problems half a world away to take over and destroy the bridges we have so carefully built here?’  

At the dinner, Sheikh Ahmed Abdo suggested that “it is time that we stopped building bridges and started walking across the bridges we have already built”. Together For Humanity in its thirteenth years is attempting to walk across these bridges. Our vision is to ensure that every child and every teacher experiences an opening of their mind and expanding of their spirit, so that no-one needs to be afraid, no-one will choose to hate any group and we all have a sense of belonging together.

וַיָּרָץ עֵשָׂו לִקְרָאתוֹ וַיְחַבְּקֵהוּ וַיִּפֹּל עַל צַוָּארָיו וַֹיִֹשָֹׁקֵֹהֹוֹּ וַיִּבְכּוּ

“Esau ran toward him and embraced him, and he fell on his neck and kissed him, and they cried”. We Australians need to meet our fellow Australians, our neighbours, our brothers and sisters, respectfully, to address the fear, and to embrace one another!

Notes:

1) Genesis 32:8
2) Genesis 33:3
3) Genesis 32:25
4) Beresheet Rabba 77
5) Rashbam on 32:23 & 25, Chizkuni on 32:25, this is similar to an angel being sent to stop Balaam on his journey to curse the Israelites which was also contrary to God’s will.
6) Rashi to Genesis 32:27, also in Midrash Aggada and Zohar part 1, 144 cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 1 p. 1284, footnote 136
7) Genesis 32:27
8) Genesis 32:28-29
9) Beresheet Rabba 78
10) Avot Drabbi Nathan, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 1 p. 1302, footnote 16
11) Rabbi Shimon Ben Elazar in Beresheet Rabba 78
12) Genesis 33:5
13) Midrash Habiur from an ancient manuscript, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 1 p. 1302, 18
14) Genesis 32:23
15) Beresheet Rabba 76
16) Genesis 34

Beaten Beacons? Addiction/Recovery struggle & Tetzaveh

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The plight of the addict has been thrust into the limelight with the tragic death this week of a father of three. For two decades he was one of millions of recovering addicts who score glorious daily victories over the angel of death’s hideous helpers, alcohol and other pain numbing agents. Alas, he could not sustain whatever it was that enabled him to beat death. He succumbed at the age of 46, only two years older than me. I am referring to the actor, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, but I am thinking about so many mothers, fathers, sons and daughters who continue to battle addictions. I salute you all. I am in awe of your determination, perseverance, faith,  humility and even humour. 

Adversity can bring out the best in us, of course. This week’s Torah reading discusses the process of preparing olive oil (1), which can serve as metaphor for this idea (2). The olives would be beaten to extract the oil which was used to light the Menorah (lamp) in the temple.

Let us take a moment to reflect on the individual stories. They are awe inspiring. A mother with the toughest exterior who has been hurt in ways some of us can barely imagine who keeps working the twelve steps of AA, who chooses to surrender to God unconditionally, and continues to seek ways of improving her character, for her children’s sake as well as her own. She sees the hand of God in her recovery. It gives new meaning to the psalmist’s praise of God as “the one who heals the broken hearted” (3). 

I dare not romanticise the world of addiction. The families of addicts and the addicts themselves might live lives of violence, betrayal, neglect, lies, shame etc. under the shadow of untimely death. According to the sages, there were two grades of oil. First, oil was produced by ‘merely’ beating the olives, this grade of oil was considered fitting to be used to give light. The second grade, that was not “good enough” for the lamp, was produced by grinding the olives (4), symbolising for me, intensified pain, “going through the grinder”. It seems that when confronted by certain degrees of darkness and adversity, some souls might no longer be so likely to produce glorious “light in the temple”. Perhaps the crushed spirit is too broken for that. For the human “ground olives”, I cry out to God (5) “till when?!” How much must people endure?! Please end the suffering!! Instead grant us your grace and kindness.  

Yet, even the lower grade oil produced by grinding the olives, was used in the divine service as part of the offerings. Some people, who have been to hell and back, might not get the opportunity to "illuminate the holy temple” of society. Yet, they make valuable contributions in their own more discreet way, no bright lights, just breaking the cycle of suffering for themselves, their children and others whose lives they touch with love and compassion.

These heroes might not be up in lights, but don’t call them quiet! Their raging battles are much better symbolised by noise. This is also hinted at in our Torah portion. The high priest was required to have bells sewn into the hem of his robe, so that he would be heard when he walked in the sanctuary. Failure to wear the robe was considered a capital offence (6). The bells symbolise people who can be seen as estranged from God. Their surge back toward God is a noisy desperate fight to walk away from the lies of self-sufficiency and complete independence, to return home to God and to connecting with other people. It can be compared to a person drowning, facing the horror of imminent death, splashing, wildly waving limbs in a desperate attempt to stay alive. It is these people who must be represented and given a voice by the holiest man in the holiest house (7).

For so many of us seeking to connect with each other and with something/someone greater than ourselves, grappling with the beatings and/or grindings of life, I wish for God’s grace. After all He is the one who “gives snow like wool, throws His ice like breadcrumbs, before His cold who can stand?! but then sends His word and melts them, takes back His wind and they flow like water” (8). With apologies to my American friends, as an Australian returning back to our glorious sunshine, I found the snow in the Northeast of the US these last two weeks, awesome. Wishing for warmth, love and joy for all members of the human family, while also remembering those who lost their lives in their struggles, may their souls find peace and relief at last.  

1.    Exodus 27:20
2.    Shemot Rabba 36:1, Talmud Menachot 53b
3.    Psalm 147:3
4.    Rashi
5.    As the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi MM Schneerson, has taught and encouraged people to do in numerous talks over the years
6.    Exodus 28:33-35
7.    Schneerson, Rabbi MM, the Lubavitcher Rebbe in Likutei Sichos vol. 16, p. 338
8.    Psalm 147:16-18

Outcast Offenders – Understanding and High Expectations

From The Age newspaper

A white newspaper columnist called it “a Textbook case of society’s failure to save a child[1]”.  “Diane[2]” is a 15 year old Aboriginal girl who will be sentenced by an Australian court next Monday, 14 May 2012. She has repeatedly brutally attacked girls and women, stomping on one girl’s face before robbing her. She is illiterate, has trouble hearing and has an IQ score in the lowest 1 per cent. She is a regular drug user suffering unresolved grief who had thought of killing herself. The Columnist suggests that this case points to “a deeper failure to resolve the legacy of indigenous dispossession and alienation”.

This is not about what the courts should decide in these cases. It is about the broader moral question of how we think about alienated offenders with difficult circumstances be they black, brown or white. I think there is a lot of merit to the understanding approach that takes into account the horrific things done to Aboriginal people, the impact of the collective memory and ongoing issues and the individual hardship that people like Dianne experience. Still, I also worry about communicating a message to people of her situation that society is prepared to accept violence and robbery from them, because we think they cannot help themselves. What is the right response?

Death of the Blasphemer-Outcast-half-Breed-“Bastard”

There was a man of mixed heritage, son of Egyptian father and an Israelite mother named Shelomit of the tribe of Dan who quarrelled with an Israelite man[3]”. The Torah does not tell us the name of either of the flawed men who were quick to fight[4], but as a device let us call our Protagonist by the name Ben.

I feel for Ben, a half-Egyptian among the recently liberated Israelite former slaves. His mother Shelomit is described as a flawless beauty[5] that was a bit of a flirt, happily chatting with anyone[6]. Ben’s Egyptian father was an Egyptian task master who came to see his mother’s husband Dathan[7]. When the Egyptian official came into their tent Shelomit, flirted with him. The Egyptian hid behind a ladder[8] and when the husband went out he raped her[9]. Ben was the result of their encounter and according to one view his status was like that of a “Bastard[10]”. The Egyptian realised that the husband, Dathan, knew what happened, so the Egyptian beat him and tried to kill him. Moses appears on the scene at that moment and miraculously kills the Egyptian by pronouncing God’s name[11].  Dathan survives and divorces Shelomit. Shelomit’s brothers are furious and seek to kill Dathan[12]. What a load of baggage for a young man trying to find his place in the world.

Ben first identified with his absent Egyptian father but then decide to convert[13] and join his mother’s family[14]. The Israelites camped according to their tribes and Ben approaches the Dan camp[15] to join his mother’s tribe.  He receives a hostile reception, a Dan man fights with him, he degrades Ben’s mother[16], he tells Ben “you are a Bastard and the son an Egyptian[17]!” Ben asks the Israelite man, “where is my Egyptian father?” He is told that his father was killed by Moses by use of God’s name. Ben has been deeply humiliated by this stage, contrary to the idea “don’t rush out to fight[18]” he hurries[19] to the court of the great prophet Moses, his father’s extra-judicial killer[20], to resolve the issue but he loses the case[21].  Utterly rejected and furious, Ben pronounced the same Divine Name used by Moses to kill his father and blasphemes. He is promptly imprisoned and obeying divine guidance, he is executed, the whole camp stoning him.

How serious is Blasphemy?

The first objection the modern reader would raise is about Blasphemy being punished by death. I must be honest that I am glad that the laws relating to Blasphemy and punishments are not in force today. To try to imagine how seriously Blasphemy was taken it useful to read a description of the procedures of a Blasphemy. “The whole day [of the trial] the witnesses are examined by means of a euphemism for the divine name, ‘may Yose smite Yose.”  When the trial was finished, the accused was not executed on this evidence, but all persons were removed [from court], and the chief witness was told, ‘State literally what you heard.’ Thereupon he did so, [using the divine name]. The judges then arose and tore their garments (a sign of mourning), which were not to be resewn….[22]”. For the purpose of this discussion, it is useful to put to one side, the question of the harshness of the punishment or even the question about whether Blasphemy should be a crime. Instead let us focus on the moral question about how someone like Ben is to be approached can be considered in the light of this story and its commentaries.

Difficult Circumstances Defence

I would think Ben would be entitled to some understanding for his situation. We find that Job is not judged for his complaints against God[23], because, “Job, not with knowledge does he speak[24]”. Out of the difficulty of his pain, he is considered to not be of sound mind[25]. Based on this, our sages have concluded that a person is not punished for what s/he says in a situation of pain[26]. I wonder why Ben, is not let off the hook?

The bigotry/personal animosity motive?

Traditional commentary rejects the idea that the killing of the “son of the Egyptian” was motivated by hatred in the heart related to the fight with the “Israelite man[27]”. The Torah repeatedly emphasises equal treatment between the stranger and the long-standing “citizen”. It raises this point again twice! along with a few other laws in middle of the story of the Blasphemer[28]. We are then told, “the Israelites took the blasphemer outside the camp and stoned him…just as the Lord had commanded Moses[29]”.  The motive was solely to obey God’s command.

Combination of Understanding with high standards 

One approach to this issue combines genuine humility and understanding with high expectations. “One should not judge his fellow until being in their place[30]”. For it is literally his “place” i.e., his physical environment that causes him to sin, since his livelihood requires him to go about the market-place all day…(or) he is of those who sit at the street-corners. Thus his eyes see all sorts of temptation; and “‘what the eyes see, the heart desires….”. In addition a person who had the benefit of religious knowledge is encouraged to consider him/herself “lowly[31]” in comparison with an uneducated sinner. One must also avoid judgement based on other factors including individual temperaments. Alongside these teachings sits the following statement: In truth, even he who is extremely passionate by nature, and whose livelihood obliges him to sit all day at the street-corners, has no excuse whatsoever for his sins…For he should have controlled himself and restrained the feeling of desire in his heart….[32]”.  

Conclusion

I still have trouble with the whole sad episode of Ben, from his rejection by the tribe of Dan to the confirmation of that rejection by the court of Moses and Torah law, through to his execution. How do we reconcile this story with teachings about the importance of caring for the vulnerable and human dignity? Returning to the original question about the offender-victim, I will not make any attempt at offering solutions to the problems that led up to Dianne’s scheduled court appearance. But I will repeat what an Aboriginal community worker I have great respect for told me in another context, that it is vital that young people in her community learn that they have choices about their future.

---

[1] Horin, A, When all else fails, society can too. Sydney Morning Herald, Weekend Edition, 5-6 May 2012

[2] Not her real name

[3] Leviticus 24:10

[4] Klei Yakar

[5] Shemot Rabba 1:32

[6] Vayikra Rabba 32:5, Midrash Hagadol, also cited in Rashi, Her name is taken as a clue that she was a loose woman, “Shelomit” which is related to the word Shalom/peace and this is interpreted as asking everyone how they are, the name Dibri is closely related to the word for talking Daber and is also taken as reflecting her chattiness.

[7] Shemot Rabba 1:32

[8] Vayikra Rabba

[9] Midrash Hagadol

[10] Torat Cohanim, Vayikra Rabba 32:4

[11] Shemot Rabba 1:34

[12] Sefer Hayashar, and Midrash Divrei Hayamim L’Moshe cited in Torah Shelaima vol 8, p.77

[13] Torat Cohanim

[14] Hizkuni

[15] Torat Cohanim

[16] Zohar Vayikra, 106a, cited in http://www.aish.com/tp/i/moha/92077274.html

[17] Hizkuni

[18] Proverbs 25:8

[19] Yelamdenu

[20] There is an implied criticism of this killing in Midrash Petirat Moshe in which God asks Moses “did I tell you to kill the Egyptian?” Moses counters by pointing out God’s killing of the first born Egyptians, to which God retorts, “are you like me, to make die and make live, can you give life like I do? Cited in Torah Shelaima vol 8, p.81

[21] Torat Cohanim

[22] Mishna Sanhedrin, 7:5

[23] Job 9:24 “The earth has been given into the hands of a wicked one; he covers the faces of its judges. If not, then who is he?”

[24] Job 34:35

[25] Metzudat David

[26] Talmud Bava Basra 16b

[27] Ohr Hachayim, Ramban and Seforno on Leviticus 24: 23

[28] Leviticus 24: 16 & 22

[29] Leviticus 24: 23

[30] Pirkey Avod 2:4

[31] Pirkey Avot 4:10 combined with Talmud Bava Metzia 33b as explained in Tanya 30

[32] Tanya 30, translation text taken from Lessons in Tanya http://www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7909/jewish/Chapter-30.htm