Ok Being Small and the Glory of Being Large

 Last Friday, I shifted from feeling “small” to the state of “largeness”. The great Hasidic master, the Baal Shem Tov, taught: “Each person exists in two modes, smallness and largeness, and we can shift into largeness through joy and laughter.”[i] I was feeling small on Friday because of a mistake I made that caused me to feel really flat. Then, after a Shabbat dinner that included laughter and joy, with my adult sons and daughters-in-law who I am visiting in New York, my spirits lifted. As pleasing as this shift was, it showed me that we need to embrace both smallness and greatness.

Jacob in the Torah is an example of the two modes. The very name, Jacob, is symbolic of smallness and “lowliness.”[ii] The name was given to him as a baby because of his desperate gesture during his birth of holding on to the heel of his older twin, Esau.[iii] This hanging on to his brother’s heel was symbolic of his desperate attempt to prevent his senior twin from getting the status of being the firstborn.

The name “Jacob” is linked to being in states of sadness, sighing, worry and powerlessness,[iv] or being prone to such feelings.

Jacob was frightened of meeting his brother Esau[v] who held a grudge against him. Jacob was distressed when his wives criticised him for his fear and lack of faith.[vi] The criticism stung Jacob as he was already distressed internally.[vii] He had a really bad feeling about the fact that he was afraid.[viii] This is often the case when we are feeling low; we feel bad about feeling bad. Jacob declared in his prayer: “I became small, because of all your kindnesses.”[ix]  When Jacob ruminated on his status, his possible deficiencies[x] and how much kindness God had given him, he felt qualitatively[xi] “small” and undeserving.

I am in “Jacob mode” when I am feeling cautious, guarded, self-conscious, self-critical and evaluating myself or feeling a little inferior. It is not a pleasant state.

Jacob was liberated from this mode by Esau’s angel[xii] with whom he wrestled and beat[xiii]. Unlike Jacob’s previous conflicts – with Esau[xiv] and Laban[xv]- when he fled, this time he stayed and faced it. The angel told Jacob that his name would change to Israel (which means “prevailed with God”) because of his victory over one of God’s angels.

It feels great to be an “Israel”. It is a state of confidence where achievement feels effortless[xvi] and it is tempting to think that being in that mode all the time is the right way to be. It is not.

To get to be in “Israel” mode, one must first be in a “Jacob” state[xvii].  One does not get to the “zone” without the prior hard work and struggle over time to grapple with many challenges, and only after much toil does one sail through, apparently effortlessly, to achieve great things.

According to the psychotherapist, Alfred Adler, feelings of inferiority are “stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth. If it is not used in the wrong way.”[xviii] It is a feeling of wanting to be more and achieve more.  

Even once we get to that confident powerful place of being Israel, it does not last long. It is compared to being the Sabbath mode[xix], a beautiful state that lasts for one day per week before we return to the toil of the weekdays.

When I consider the fact that being in some form smallness/Jacob mode is a normal part of life, I realise that to be most effective in the struggles of life it helps to embrace them, rather than resist them. Count the blessings that are still present even in times of struggle, and find opportunities to be joyful and laugh to temporarily shift to the state of an enlarged spirit, before returning to the beautiful challenge of being a flawed human doing good. As the late Stella Cornelius used to say, “some great things were achieved by people who were not feeling so good that day" (xx). 

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[i] Baal Shem Tov on the Torah, a collection of quotes of the Baal Shem Tov

[ii] Ohr Hachayim on Genesis 47:28 and others

[iii] Genesis 25:26

[iv] Ohr Hachayim on Genesis 47:28

[v] Genesis

[vi] Ner Hachschalim manuscript, cited in Torah Shlaima, on Beresheet, p. 1266, Midrash Yelamdenu,

[vii] Chemdat Hayamim, cited in Torah Shlaima, on Beresheet, p. 1267, Midrash Yelamdenu,

[viii] Ha’Emek Davar

[ix] Genesis 32:11

[x] Bamidbar Rabba, 19:32

[xi] Mizrahi, Rabbi Eliyahu Mizrahi, on Genesis 32:11

[xii] Midrash Rabba

[xiii] Gensis 32:25-30

[xiv] Genesis 28:7

[xv] Genesis 31:21

[xvi] Likutei Torah on Balak

[xvii] Likutei Torah ibid

[xviii] Kishimi, I, Koga, F. (2017), The Courage To Be Disliked, Allen and Unwin, p.59

[xix] Likutei Torah

An Angel’s Touch and the Melancholy Murders Rabbi’s Talk at Mosque on Mental Health

An edited version of my talk at Dural Musalah on a panel with Imam Farhan Khalil 10.02.2019

One day, I stood in my school library and looked at the bookshelves. I was not looking for a book. I was just feeling down. A fellow student named Yossi came into the library and asked me what was wrong. I could tell, from the way he talked, from his tone and body language, that he cared. So I blurted out that I was never going to be anyone, I would never end up doing anything exciting in my life, I would be one of the “botched and befuddled, huddled masses” that Robin Williams’ character talked about in the movie “The Fisher King”. Yossi asked me why I thought this. “Because I am a yukel!” (1)I replied. "That’s why!” He said I should not believe that about myself. 

I have never forgotten that very short, caring conversation Yossi and I had, as 15 year old boys, over thirty years ago. He was like an angel sent to me when I needed it. I reiterate Imam Farhan’s guidance in his talk prior to mine: if we see someone who is feeling down and we are approached for moral support, we must make the time to provide it.  

In addition to the support we get from each other, we can also, as the Imam stated, draw strength from our faith. One lesson in my tradition is that God has infinite capacity for forgiveness:  if He can forgive me, surely, I can forgive myself (2). 

We must differentiate between clinical depression and low moods, because these are not identical phenomena; however there is certainly overlap between these states (3). I agree with the Imam that there are situations when professional help is the responsible path to take. However, it is also useful to explore how our mental state is influenced by our spirituality, and how our mental state, in turn, can impact on the spiritual and ethical dimensions of our lives. 

Sadness is quite appropriate and beneficial (4) at certain times. For example, sadness can lead to repentance, reflection, or heightened sensitivity to the plight of others. Being sad or depressed is not shameful. The secondary suffering that comes from people feeling ashamed that they are not upbeat all the time, is terribly harmful and unwarranted. It is ok, sometimes, to not feel ok. Furthermore, if I feel disappointed about my energy levels, I can remind myself that  I am not to blame for my nature because “I have not created myself” (5). However, I need to balance my rejection of shame and guilt about my sadness with recognition of its possible harmful repercussions. 

My community, the Hasidim, say: ”Melancholy is not a sin, but the spiritual damage it can do, no sin can do.” (6) This assertion is explained by using a metaphor of physical wrestlers. If one wrestler is in good spirits and the other is sluggish and sad, the weaker wrestler who is in high spirits, can easily overcome his sluggish, stronger opponent (7). The same is true for the inner jihad, the spiritual struggle with oneself (8). If we are in deep sadness, we have little energy to overcome our evil inclination, the “Nefesh Habehamis”, our animal soul, or, as Muslims might refer to it, the “Nafs” (9). Although depression is not shameful, it is often spiritually inconvenient.
  

The destructive potential of melancholy can be linked to the Genesis account of Cain, the son of Adam and Eve. He brought an offering to God of the fruit of the land. His brother Abel also brought an offering, of the firstborn of his flocks and of their fattest. The Lord turned to Abel and to his offering. But to Cain and to his offering, He did not turn. This angered Cain exceedingly, and “his face fell” (10). Cain was “despising himself” (11) when he saw how God not only rejected his poor quality offering, but him personally, as a lowly person, of poor character (12). 

God invited Cain to reflect on his anger and dejection, but Cain declined. Shortly thereafter, Cain murdered his brother Abel. 

Another example is the story of King Ahab and Naboth:

Naboth had a vineyard next to the palace of Ahab, the king of Samaria. Ahab asked Naboth to sell him the vineyard. Naboth refused to sell the inheritance of his forefathers to the King. “Ahab came to his house sad and upset because of [Naboth’s refusal]. He lay on his bed, turned his face away, and did not eat bread”. Queen Jezebel advised Ahab to frame Naboth. "Proclaim a fast and place Naboth in the forefront of the people. Set up two wicked men opposite him and they will testify [falsely] against him saying, 'You have cursed God and the king.'”  The plan went ahead and Naboth was killed. Ahab then stole the vineyard (13). 

In both of these cases, the murderer was in a poor mental state prior to the crime. Neither man received or, in the case of Cain, accepted help to deal with this. 

A third man was even more depressed. Elijah, the prophet, wanted to die. Terribly frustrated by the ongoing pressures (14) and disheartened, he would not eat. He just lay down in the shade and slept. But he got help. An angel touched him, woke him and urged him to eat. He ate a little bit but went back to sleep. The angel touched him again and urged him to eat (15). 

After the second “angel’s touch”, Elijah rose. Now, two of our stories converge. Elijah was sent to King Ahab with a stinging rebuke about what he did to Naboth, “Have you murdered and also inherited?!” (16).

To look after ourselves and each other emotionally and mentally, is a challenging religious responsibility.  Feeling depressed is not shameful; it is, at least partly, God’s doing. Many of us have experienced depression at some stage of our lives; in fact, it has even afflicted biblical prophets and kings. Sometimes, people need to be alone in their sadness. This must be respected. However, there are other situations where there is a need for, and openness to, being touched by an angel. Let us be that angel for those who are open to it. Further, when need support ourselves, let us find the strength to seek it, when it is right for us. Let us try our best to accept support by those angels who offer a loving touch. 

Notes: 

Thanks for inspiration on this topic to Rabbi Nicole Guzik and her article https://namisanmateo.org/judaism-and-mental-illness/

1)  The Yiddish word “yukel”, as we used it in our subculture, could be translated as a loser, and has connotations of weakness, the opposite of someone charismatic and at the top of the social food chain. 

2) Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, in Tanya, Igeret Hateshuva, chapter 11  

3) Lomas, T. (2016) The Positive Power of Negative Emotions, Piatkus, p. 48

4) Proverbs 14:23, Lomas, T. (2016) The Positive Power of Negative Emotions

5)  Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, in Tanya, chapter 31

6)  R. Aharon 'HaGadol’ of Karlin, cited in HaTomim, (1936) Feigin, R. Y. Vol. 4, Warsaw, Summer (Tammuz) p.58 [in the original publication, 388 in printed version], 

7)   Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, in Tanya chapter 26

8)  Well-known Islamic teaching, about the greater jihad being the battle within oneself. Also cited in R. Bachya ibn Pakuda in Chovot Halevavot, but attributed to an anonymous “pious one”. 

9)  S and Sh sounds are interchangeable in Hebrew, the Hebrew word Nefesh, soul, appears linked to the Arabic word Nafs. 

10)  Genesis 4:3-6 

11)  Midrash Hagadol, cited in Torah Shlaima, p. 312, 44. 

12)  Chasam Sofer commentary to Genesis 4:4-5, he draws attention to the lengthy wording in both verses.  The LORD paid heed to Abel and to his offering, and again, but to Cain and to his offering, He paid no heed.

13)  Kings I, 21:1-16

14)  Targum Yonatan Ben Uziel, on Kings I, 19:4

15)   Kings I, 19:4-8

16)  Kings I, 21:19