Ok Being Small and the Glory of Being Large

 Last Friday, I shifted from feeling “small” to the state of “largeness”. The great Hasidic master, the Baal Shem Tov, taught: “Each person exists in two modes, smallness and largeness, and we can shift into largeness through joy and laughter.”[i] I was feeling small on Friday because of a mistake I made that caused me to feel really flat. Then, after a Shabbat dinner that included laughter and joy, with my adult sons and daughters-in-law who I am visiting in New York, my spirits lifted. As pleasing as this shift was, it showed me that we need to embrace both smallness and greatness.

Jacob in the Torah is an example of the two modes. The very name, Jacob, is symbolic of smallness and “lowliness.”[ii] The name was given to him as a baby because of his desperate gesture during his birth of holding on to the heel of his older twin, Esau.[iii] This hanging on to his brother’s heel was symbolic of his desperate attempt to prevent his senior twin from getting the status of being the firstborn.

The name “Jacob” is linked to being in states of sadness, sighing, worry and powerlessness,[iv] or being prone to such feelings.

Jacob was frightened of meeting his brother Esau[v] who held a grudge against him. Jacob was distressed when his wives criticised him for his fear and lack of faith.[vi] The criticism stung Jacob as he was already distressed internally.[vii] He had a really bad feeling about the fact that he was afraid.[viii] This is often the case when we are feeling low; we feel bad about feeling bad. Jacob declared in his prayer: “I became small, because of all your kindnesses.”[ix]  When Jacob ruminated on his status, his possible deficiencies[x] and how much kindness God had given him, he felt qualitatively[xi] “small” and undeserving.

I am in “Jacob mode” when I am feeling cautious, guarded, self-conscious, self-critical and evaluating myself or feeling a little inferior. It is not a pleasant state.

Jacob was liberated from this mode by Esau’s angel[xii] with whom he wrestled and beat[xiii]. Unlike Jacob’s previous conflicts – with Esau[xiv] and Laban[xv]- when he fled, this time he stayed and faced it. The angel told Jacob that his name would change to Israel (which means “prevailed with God”) because of his victory over one of God’s angels.

It feels great to be an “Israel”. It is a state of confidence where achievement feels effortless[xvi] and it is tempting to think that being in that mode all the time is the right way to be. It is not.

To get to be in “Israel” mode, one must first be in a “Jacob” state[xvii].  One does not get to the “zone” without the prior hard work and struggle over time to grapple with many challenges, and only after much toil does one sail through, apparently effortlessly, to achieve great things.

According to the psychotherapist, Alfred Adler, feelings of inferiority are “stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth. If it is not used in the wrong way.”[xviii] It is a feeling of wanting to be more and achieve more.  

Even once we get to that confident powerful place of being Israel, it does not last long. It is compared to being the Sabbath mode[xix], a beautiful state that lasts for one day per week before we return to the toil of the weekdays.

When I consider the fact that being in some form smallness/Jacob mode is a normal part of life, I realise that to be most effective in the struggles of life it helps to embrace them, rather than resist them. Count the blessings that are still present even in times of struggle, and find opportunities to be joyful and laugh to temporarily shift to the state of an enlarged spirit, before returning to the beautiful challenge of being a flawed human doing good. As the late Stella Cornelius used to say, “some great things were achieved by people who were not feeling so good that day" (xx). 

---

[i] Baal Shem Tov on the Torah, a collection of quotes of the Baal Shem Tov

[ii] Ohr Hachayim on Genesis 47:28 and others

[iii] Genesis 25:26

[iv] Ohr Hachayim on Genesis 47:28

[v] Genesis

[vi] Ner Hachschalim manuscript, cited in Torah Shlaima, on Beresheet, p. 1266, Midrash Yelamdenu,

[vii] Chemdat Hayamim, cited in Torah Shlaima, on Beresheet, p. 1267, Midrash Yelamdenu,

[viii] Ha’Emek Davar

[ix] Genesis 32:11

[x] Bamidbar Rabba, 19:32

[xi] Mizrahi, Rabbi Eliyahu Mizrahi, on Genesis 32:11

[xii] Midrash Rabba

[xiii] Gensis 32:25-30

[xiv] Genesis 28:7

[xv] Genesis 31:21

[xvi] Likutei Torah on Balak

[xvii] Likutei Torah ibid

[xviii] Kishimi, I, Koga, F. (2017), The Courage To Be Disliked, Allen and Unwin, p.59

[xix] Likutei Torah

Fear, doubt and “the Muslims” Vayishlach

Photo by Nasrul Ekram,
https://www.flickr.com/photos/inrime_nasrul/
reproduced under creative commons
license 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Late one evening this week, I received yet another Facebook private message expressing hostility towards Muslims and Islam. This kind of hostility is often driven by fear, a combination of healthy self-preservation instincts given the terrible deeds of some, and misunderstanding due to an absence of meaningful contact with Muslim people. More generally, fear in peoples’ lives may be driven by self-doubt. In cultures that value confidence, feeling afraid can make one feel ashamed; hostility can serve as a more acceptable mask.

As he traveled home to the land of his birth, the Biblical Jacob became afraid and distressed about his brother Esau coming toward him with 400 men.  His fear was of being killed in an attack but his distress is interpreted as relating to the prospect of him killing his attackers.1 Yet that interpretation is questioned by other scholars who ask why Jacob should be distressed about killing assailants in self-defence? 2 I find this second line of commentary disturbing. Surely the prospect of “spilling blood”, destroying the priceless treasure that is every human being, is distressing to the spirit! 3 Fear about our safety due to the threat of terrorism, and acceptance of the need for defensive measures, should never be allowed to overcome our humanity, to blur our sense of right and wrong toward innocent people - including Muslims.

An alternative suggestion is that Jacob was distressed because he was grappling with two opposing arguments about killing his attackers. On the one hand, he had been promised protection by God which rendered him invincible; as his life would not be in danger, killing his assailants could not be justified based on concern for his own survival.  On the other hand, however, he might have sinned and in consequence lost God’s protection, in which case his life would be in danger and he would be justified in killing to defend it.4 

A related interpretation finds reason for his distress in the mouths of his wives.  “If you are afraid, why did you take us out of our father’s house? Rather you should trust in the ‘shade of your Creator’ who told you to return to the land of your fathers”. Immediately, “Jacob felt afraid of the external threat of attack by his brother and distressed internally because of the criticism of his wives”.5   Their words seem to have stung because he felt ashamed of his doubt. I feel for him.

All the above discussion assumes the possibility of a credible threat.  In an alternative authoritative interpretation Jacob had received a report from his scouts that in fact his brother Esau was approaching with 400 men to honour Jacob. The scouts reported that the delegation was motivated by Esau’s joy about Jacob’s return and his love for his brother. Yet Jacob disregarded the report of his own fact-finding and goodwill mission because he didn’t believe the evidence. He was so afraid because he clung to his prejudgment about Esau’s evil intentions.6 The intelligence from the scouts seems to have been proven correct, however, when Esau ran toward Jacob, hugged him, kissed him and cried when they met.7  Our response to perceived threats should respect evidence, or the absence of evidence, and be proportionate.

Fear and doubt are reasonable and natural reactions to threats of violence and the horrible deeds we have lately heard about, read about and seen on film. In one sense, it is unreasonable to feel ashamed of this fear. Yet some sense of shame can also be useful; it challenges us when we think we are letting ourselves down. When confronted with fear of the other, or with ourselves and when confronted with self-doubt, it is a good time to pray, to take some time alone 8 and to wrestle with the feelings, the facts and our faith. Jacob did that and emerged a champion.9   

Notes

1 Bereshit Rabba 76, cited in Rashi

2 Mizrahi on Genesis 32:8, Beer Basadeh, written by 19th century Bosnian Jewish scholar Rabbi Meir Danon

3 Kasher, R. Menachem, in Torah Shlaima p. 1267, note 50, follows the tradition about God silencing the song of the angels during the splitting of the sea because his Egyptian “creations were drowning”

4 Beer Basadeh on Genesis 32:8

5 Ner Haschalim, manuscript cited in Torah Shlaima p. 1266, 50

6 Rashbam Genesis 32:7, Bchor Shor offers a similar but less definite approach. In his view the scouts report that they came back and they don’t know what is in Esau’s mind, wether for good or bad because he didn’t respond to their questions, instead he said I will go to him and speak with him, “mouth to mouth”. 

7 Genesis 33:4, although one would think this evidence settles the argument about Esau’s good will, it does not. There is an argument in the Sifre cited in Rashi about Esau’s sincerity. One view asserts that in that moment he kissed him with his whole heart with another view that in fact it was done with his whole heart.  

8 Genesis 32:25

9 Genesis 32:29

Elusive love of the “undeserving” - Toldot

Copyright Noel Kessel 2015, first appeared in
the Australian Jewish News,
Jewish University student walked 8 hours from a Synagogue
in the East part of Sydney to a Mosque in the West. He was
accompanied by Muslim and Jewish friends for parts of the walk.

This post is less about answers than questions.  The fraught quest for attachment to parents and for parental love has scarred many people. I emphatically believe in unconditional parental love which is why I am so puzzled by the way the Torah reading this week seems to contradict this principle. A related, but broader question, is whether love must be earned or should love be our first and fundamental disposition towards all people? A very irate man called me this week to complain about what he described as my loving behavior toward Muslims; he seemed to regard love as something that Muslims, in general, do not deserve.  

In the Torah reading we are told that the mother, Rebecca, loved Jacob [1] but the text tells us nothing about how she felt about Jacob’s twin, Esau, at this point.  Disturbingly, commentary suggests that her love for one son rather than the other was based on them earning this love.  Commentary suggests that every time Rebecca heard Jacob’s voice her love for him would increase”; [2] “when she would hear his (Jacobs) pleasant words and would see his wholesome ways”. [3] However Rebecca is thought to not love her other son Esau [4] because “not only did he not occupy himself with wisdom and the ways of God, but he chose an occupation for himself that put him in danger every day…”. [5] Her love is clearly conditional which I find really hard to accept.

In contrast to Rebecca’s lack of love for the “evil” Esau we are told that “Isaac loved Esau because of the (hunting) game in his mouth”. [6] Far from this being seen as endorsement of unconditional love, by the practice of one of our patriarchs no less, this fathers love for his “bad child” seems a fault according to some of our traditional teachings.

A simple understanding of the text would have us believe that Esau’s hunting of “game from which he (Isaac) would eat” [7] was the reason Isaac loved this particular son. Isaac is portrayed in one tradition as quite particular in his tastes, indulgent and loving all kinds of delicacies, perhaps even spoiled, being the younger child born to his parents in their old age. Isaac consumed meat of the hunted animals and birds as well as choice wine brought to him by Esau. [8]   One Midrash links Isaac’s love to the evils of bribery and the proverb “A bribe is a precious stone in the eyes of the one who has it; wherever he turns, he prospers”, [9] asserting that bribery is like a stone, where ever it falls it breaks things. [10]

Yet, other teachings reflect a reluctance to portray our patriarch Isaac so harshly, instead either blaming Esau for misleading Isaac about his true nature [11] or believing that is was Isaac’s prophecy about a righteous descendent of Esau, named Ovadia, that was the reason for his love [12] rather than loving this boy Esau for himself. 

While the text tells us nothing about Isaac’s love for his “good son”, Jacob, commentary is not comfortable with leaving this as is, instead asserting that surely the deserving son enjoyed his father’s love and explaining away the fact that this is not stated in the text.[13]

As the story unfolds, Esau is eventually so resentful of his brother Jacob that he plans to kill him. Chillingly, Esau’s weak attachment to his mother can be seen in the fact that although Esau is reluctant to kill his brother while his father is alive (instead waiting for the end of the mourning period after his father’s death) [14] he thinks nothing of his mother’s grief.[15]

There is a cryptic phrase toward the end of the story that refers to Rebecca as the mother of both Jacob and Esau [16] when she sends Jacob away to her brother’s house to save him from Esau’s murderous plan. This reference is explained as her being concerned for the safety of both her sons, perhaps because, in a confrontation between the twins, Jacob might harm her other son Esau [17] whom she still cares about. Her brother would protect them both from each other. This suggests that after all Rebecca did love Esau despite her disapproval of him, despite the contrary impression from the texts mentioned above about love needing to be earned.

This discussion is about Midrash rather than Jewish Law which usually stipulates one right or wrong way to do things. When it comes to these moral discussions, there are 70 “faces to the Torah”, which means that a religious Jew is not strictly bound by any particular interpretations of this story. I look forward to learning more about this. I shall continue to advocate unconditional parental love and a presumption of love for all as primary virtues. There are, however, exceptions for me.  Jews, unlike Christians, are not called to love their enemies. I don’t love despots, tyrants, abusers of trust or my closed-minded caller who showed no interest in understanding what I do, or why, and who went so far as to say that I have no right  to call myself a Rabbi. But unless there is very good reason to the contrary, I believe I must approach each and every person with good will and an open heart. As we are taught, the Torah’s ways are pleasant and all it’s paths are of peace . [18]

1. Genesis 25:28
2. Bereshit Rabba 63a, commentary cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 2, 1030, note 181, highlights the particular word for love in the text is  אוהבתin the present tense rather than  אהבה in the past tense
3. Sachar Tov, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 2, 1030, note 181, Jacob’s wholesomeness is also cited in Rashbam, while Yalkut Ohr Afela, (cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 2, 1030, 182) suggests that the love was the result of Rebecca’s prophecy that Jacob would be righteous
4. Seforno
5. Radak
6. Genesis 25:28
7. Unkelos translation of Genesis 25:28
8. Sechel Tov, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 2, 1029, note 177
9. Proverbs 17:8
10. Midrash Tanchuma, Toldos 8
11. Midrash Tanchuma, Toldos 8, also cited in Rashi
12. Midrash Hagadol, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 2, 1030, 180
13. Radak asserts that there is no need to tell us that Isaac loved (the righteous?) Jacob, because he loved Jacob more than he Esau, in fact he did not love Esau (simply as a son) except for the fact that he would bring him hunted game to eat.  Seforno also asserts that Isaac’s love for Esau was in addition to his love for Jacob, but that although Isaac would have known, without a doubt, that Esau was not “complete” like Jacob he loved him anyway
14. Genesis 27:41
15. Ohr Hachayim on Genesis 25:28
16. Genesis 28:5
17. Rabbenu Bchai
18. Proverbs 3:17

Bigger than that! Jacob mode vs interfaith embrace and the inner Jihad of Yisrael

An edited version of my speech at the Together For Humanity Interfaith dinner, 30 Nov 2014. 

Jacob, the grandson of Abraham, was afraid of his own brother Esau (1). It is the same today: Australians fear their fellow Australians. 

Jacob offered a heartfelt prayer, “Save me, please, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he come and strike me, (and my family too) a mother and children”.

The dreaded moment arrived. Jacob met his brother Esau, who, because of an event in another time and another place, hated him.  Jacob bowed respectfully to his brother seven times (2).

“Esau ran toward him and embraced him, and he fell on his neck and kissed him, and they cried”.  We, Australians, need to meet our fellow Australian brothers and sisters respectfully to address the fear and embrace one another.

Before Jacob was to meet his brother, there was some internal work he needed to do, late at night, when he was “alone” (3). This is illustrated in an encounter he had with a “man”, who is said to be the guardian angel of his brother Esau (4). Jacob intended to run away from the encounter with his brother, but the angel was sent to prevent this. Jacob needed to show up and see that he would not be harmed (5).  With his escape cut off, Jacob wrestled with the angel. He asked his brother’s guardian angel to agree with his side of the argument (6). “Bless me,” (7) he pleaded, as if to say ‘tell me that I am right and my brother is wrong’.

The angel asked Jacob, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he replied.
The angel declared, “No more will your name be said as Jacob!” (8) The name Jacob means the one who holds others back, who plays a petty game, trying to prove that his/her group “are really the good ones”. “No!” the angel insisted, as if to say ‘it is time for you to embrace a bigger vision about who you are. Your new name, your new identity, is now Yisrael, the one who strives with God, who succeeds in an inner struggle/jihad in matters of the spirit and with men. You have a great purpose as the father of the Bnai Yisrael, (Banei Yisrael), to spread belief in God and promote righteousness.

Greg Barton, an Anglican Professor and expert on radicalisation, told me recently that, as he reads the story, Jacob had a cognitive opening. His thinking expanded. This is exactly what Australians of many backgrounds need. We need our thinking expanded. We need to be bigger - not allow our fears or the failings of some to define us or one another. We need to get to know the other as the other truly is and can potentially be, by stretching out a hand of friendship and showing respect. This has been the work of Together For Humanity, with over 75,000 children across Australia, many of whom had never met a Muslim or a Jew before. These children have participated in Together For Humanity programs facilitated by a Christian, a Muslim, a Jew and sometimes others.

Of course, there are reasons for hate, fear or avoiding embracing each other. Things have happened, thousands of miles from here that are unjust. There are legitimate concerns for many of us. It is not racist to say so. Things also happen in Australia that worry us - words spoken and prejudice. People wonder and worry about what people “here” think about what is happening “there”. Do they condemn it? Do they agree with it? How strong is the commitment to coexistence “on the other side”? Are they sincere?

Mistrust has deep roots. Esau’s embrace, kiss and weeping with Jacob have also been questioned. Some commentary suggests that Esau intended to bite Jacob’s neck (9). Esau is portrayed as telling himself, “I will not kill Jacob, my brother, with arrows and a bow, but I will kill him with my mouth and suck his blood!” (10). However there are other traditions that teach that, in that moment, Esau kissed Jacob sincerely “with his whole heart” (11).

The debate rages on in the Torah. The next verse tells us that “Esau lifted up his eyes, saw the women and the children and asked who they were” (12). The words “he saw the women” are interpreted to have sexual connotations - “Cursed are the wicked, that even during a time of trouble, their (evil) desires rules them” (13). Commentary ascribes this kind of thinking to Jacob as well. His daughter, Dina, is completely absent from the narrative. Even when it explicitly lists Jacob's wives and his eleven sons (14), there is no mention of his daughter, Dina. According to the Midrash (commentary), “Jacob put Dina in a box and locked it”, to protect her from Esau. However, this fear is met with divine disapproval and given as a “reason” for Dina’s eventually ending up in a “forbidden marriage” (15) with Shchem, the local prince, who abducted and abused her (16).  The ambivalence lingers on, thousands of years later.

What I take from all of this, are three lessons: 1) Conflict transformation is possible. 2) It is not easy to overcome fear and suspicion. 3) There are often ambiguities and judgement calls, such as, ‘do we ignore the elephant in the room, Israel/Palestine, for example?’ ‘do we feed it and allow the problems half a world away to take over and destroy the bridges we have so carefully built here?’  

At the dinner, Sheikh Ahmed Abdo suggested that “it is time that we stopped building bridges and started walking across the bridges we have already built”. Together For Humanity in its thirteenth years is attempting to walk across these bridges. Our vision is to ensure that every child and every teacher experiences an opening of their mind and expanding of their spirit, so that no-one needs to be afraid, no-one will choose to hate any group and we all have a sense of belonging together.

וַיָּרָץ עֵשָׂו לִקְרָאתוֹ וַיְחַבְּקֵהוּ וַיִּפֹּל עַל צַוָּארָיו וַֹיִֹשָֹׁקֵֹהֹוֹּ וַיִּבְכּוּ

“Esau ran toward him and embraced him, and he fell on his neck and kissed him, and they cried”. We Australians need to meet our fellow Australians, our neighbours, our brothers and sisters, respectfully, to address the fear, and to embrace one another!

Notes:

1) Genesis 32:8
2) Genesis 33:3
3) Genesis 32:25
4) Beresheet Rabba 77
5) Rashbam on 32:23 & 25, Chizkuni on 32:25, this is similar to an angel being sent to stop Balaam on his journey to curse the Israelites which was also contrary to God’s will.
6) Rashi to Genesis 32:27, also in Midrash Aggada and Zohar part 1, 144 cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 1 p. 1284, footnote 136
7) Genesis 32:27
8) Genesis 32:28-29
9) Beresheet Rabba 78
10) Avot Drabbi Nathan, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 1 p. 1302, footnote 16
11) Rabbi Shimon Ben Elazar in Beresheet Rabba 78
12) Genesis 33:5
13) Midrash Habiur from an ancient manuscript, cited in Torah Shlaima, vol. 1 p. 1302, 18
14) Genesis 32:23
15) Beresheet Rabba 76
16) Genesis 34

Preserving Relationships Here - Refusing to Demonise

Craig Laundy MP (Member of Australian Parliament) in a
Hug with Sheikh Wesam Charkawi in a hoola hoop as part of a
Together For Humanity bridge building day between
students from different backgrounds

As a bridge- builder working for a Christian, Jewish and Muslim organisation, it is unwise for me to offer comments on conflict overseas. An exception to this rule would be to reflect on the ways in which we ensure that our ties to, and concerns about, what happens elsewhere do not destroy relationships in Australia.” The Australian” newspaper quotes me making such a comment this week to students from Granville Boys and Cronulla High Schools, referring to the deadly attack in a Jerusalem synagogue this week. “If I didn’t know these guys, ”I said, gesturing to my Muslim friends, “I would probably feel very distant because of the stuff that happens overseas. But, because of these connections, I’m able to continue to be friends with these guys, because we’ve got nothing to do with things happening thousands of kilometres away.” As my colleague Sheikh Ahmed said, “we need to localize” our thinking.

It is tempting to paint the “race” or “religion” of those on the opposite side of a conflict, no matter how far away, as monstrous and to essentialise the problem as being the rotten core of the “enemy religion or culture”. This is something that should not happen anywhere, certainly not in far-off Australia.

This relates to a theme in the Torah reading this week. Jacob, through various means, including impersonation of his brother, manages to acquire the blessings intended for his older brother Esau, which earns him his brother’s enmity (1). In later times, Esau would come to represent Rome, an empire known to have done terrible things to the Jews and others.

Esau, symbol of Rome, is born hairy and red (2).  This is taken to mean that “all of him was a spiller of blood” (3), and that “he was filled with blood…he hates blood as it stands in the human body (4)”. Strangely, we are told that “even while in his mother’s womb he drank her menstrual blood” (5). A Dracula foetus! Esau then marries women who are an “embittering of the spirit” for Esau’s parents with their intentionally difficult behaviour in the larger family home (6), further casting Esau in a negative light. 

Yet, there is an interesting counter lesson. The Torah tells us that Isaac, Esau’s father, became blind, which enabled Jacob to impersonate Esau and get the blessings. There was an easier way for Jacob to get the blessing. God could have simply told Isaac that Esau was evil and deceiving his father with his false piety. Yet, God chose not to speak badly about Esau and, instead, opted to make Isaac blind and leave him in ignorance of his son’s wickedness. Isaac’s blindness is, therefore, interpreted as a lesson in not speaking “Lashon Harah”, evil talk, even about Esau (7). While there are certainly very real problems for people to engage with constructively, care needs to be taken not to demonise a race or religion, but rather to “fight fair”, if one thinks one can right a wrong through “fighting”.

There is a touching story in our tradition about one of our sages, who helped a naked Roman survivor of a shipwreck. The sage saw him as a human being rather than as the “evil other”.  Perhaps, the easiest way to recognise each other’s humanity is by interacting. This was the experience of the students this week, as described in  ”The Australian” article below. If you live in Sydney, you are invited to have one more cross-cultural experience of your own at Together For Humanity’s fundraising dinner with former Governor Marie Bashir on 30th November in Auburn. (Details at this link http://togetherforhumanity.org.au/get_involved/dinner.php)  

(1) Genesis 27:41
(2) Genesis 25:25
(3) Midrash Rabbah 63
(4) Midrash Hagadol, cited in Torah Shlaima vol 2, p 1020, note 133
(5) Midrash Abchir, cited in Torah Shlaima vol 2, p 1020, note 131
(6) Genesis 26:35, commentary of Radak
(7) The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Likutei Sichos vol 15, p 215.


THEIRS are friendships formed across culture and religion in the wake of one of the ugliest ¬episodes of -racial violence in the nation’s history.
By Natasha Robinson, originally published in the Australian Newspaper 21/11/2014, reprinted with permission.

Now, Jewish, Christian and Islamic leaders are uniting again to connect the children of the southern Sydney beach suburb of Cronulla — barely old enough to go to school at the time of the riots eight years ago — with the boys from Granville in the city’s southwest, a heartland of Arabic, Islander and pretty much every other culture.

This week, at the home of the AFL’s Western Sydney Giants, students from Cronulla High and Granville Boys High hung out, kicked a footy and bemoaned the lack of teenage freedoms. It could have been any other day at school.

The Granville boys thought kids from “The Shire” were the children of “like, rich people”. They soon learned the Cronulla crew were a lot like them, and from a variety of ethnic backgrounds, too.

The boys from Granville spoke about the threat of Islamic State and how it had affected everyday lives. Joseph Valu, 15, recalled the day 800 police descended on the homes of young terror suspects.“When that ISIS thing happened, my mum called me three times. She was like, ‘Come home. Now’. She told me to be careful.”

Run by the interfaith Together for Humanity Foundation, this is the kind of cross-cultural program those with long experience in combating extremism and social alienation say works.

Craig Laundy, federal MP for Reid, which takes in swaths of Sydney’s ethnically diverse western suburbs, is pushing for the government to fund the program more widely using a pool set aside for the counter-radicalisation programs, which are unpopular among many Muslim leaders.

“We don’t acknowledge each other by what makes us different, we identify what unites us,” Mr Laundy says. “This is a perfect ¬example of how we as a federal government should work with people with great ideas.”

Rabbi Zalman Kastel, who runs Together for Humanity, spoke to the children about the deadly ¬attack in a Jerusalem synagogue this week. “If I didn’t know these guys,” he says, gesturing to his Muslim friends, “I would probably feel very distant because of the stuff that happens overseas. “But because of these connections I’m able to continue to be friends with these guys because we’ve got nothing to do with things happening thousands of kilometres away.” He met one of the co-ordinators of the cross-¬cultural program, Emad Elkheir, after the Cronulla riots.

Mr Elkheir — now a community engagement co-ordinator with the Giants — was then a 17-year-old at Granville Boys and took part in a similar program. “I guess you could say of September 11 … It was a disgusting event, but it woke up those that were sleeping.”

The Humanity of Perpetrators

I have been thinking about three people who can be described as perpetrators of crimes: one, who inspired me in Bondi last week; another is a member of the group of men and boys who attacked several Jewish people on a Friday night in Bondi. The third case involves a man we will call H who was arrested this week and charged with sexual abuse. I also seek some insights about these events from the Torah reading that tells of a villain named Esau and the context of his upbringing.

Last week, I encountered a young man named Jimmy, with an inspirational story: Jimmy has a history of crime, stealing his first car when he was 12 years old. Jimmy is of Aboriginal heritage but knew nothing about his heritage growing up. Later, he was reticent about telling anyone about his heritage because he thought they would think he was looking for a handout. He was ashamed of being Aboriginal. He told his mother he was disappointed with his first 8-month jail sentence. He considered it too short for him - he actually preferred a longer sentence which would have given him some status. Some years later, now the father of a young girl, he received an 8-year sentence. During this period, he made a choice to go straight because “I didn’t want to not be there for my daughter - to be the kind of dad that my dad was, never being there for me”.


Jimmy got permission for day release from prison to work in the community- based “Our Big Kitchen” in Bondi, where he was welcomed. He developed a talent for baking Challah (the Jewish Sabbath bread).  He was very shy at first, even running away when asked to talk to a group of pre-school children, but eventually his confidence grew. Last week he addressed a group of Muslim, Jewish and other students at an interschool program I led under the banner of Together For Humanity. He powerfully illustrated the idea that every human being should be thought of as a human being; the crimes or lesser sins committed by people are one important element of who they are, but not their essence. Jimmy is rising above his crimes by his choices.


The second case is far from inspiring. I have known the Jewish family who were attacked on a Bondi street since the 1990’s; one teaches at a school my children attend. She is a warm, kind and personable woman.  I am disgusted by the attack on them and especially about the significant anti-Semitic nature of the attack.

I was saddened to learn that some of the perpetrators of the attack on this lovely family were apparently Pacific Islanders , although somewhat relieved that the attackers were not Muslims. The organisation I lead, Together For Humanity, works intensively with Arabic Muslim and Pacific Islander teenagers not much older than this alleged perpetrator. There are significant challenges for these boys who are coming from a different world, where there is a great emphasis on family and different ways of showing respect. Pacific Islander students show respect by looking down and “not answering back” in a culture (ours) that values eye contact and verbal communication when dealing with a problem (see embedded video that features Pacific Islander Academic Dr Jioji Ravulo taken from  http://www.differencedifferently.edu.au/prof_learning/) . Newspapers quoted the boy’s mother talking about his problems with alcohol. Like Jimmy, he has spent time in Juvenile Detention, and - I suspect - sought glory or pleasure in “badness”. Unlike Jimmy, he has not yet made a choice to turn his life around.

Very disturbing in a different way is the recent arrest for sex offences of a man I knew in the 1990’s as a fun, dedicated, altruistic, somewhat wild, community volunteer, always smiling, often busy helping people with Mezuza scrolls and making their homes Kosher. Normally, when I hear about sexual abuse, I think about the terrible ordeal of the victims, the perpetrators being viewed as one- dimensional, evil monsters. Yet, this man H, whatever terrible harm he has inflicted on his young victims and the absolute primacy of justice for the current and potential victims, is a multi-dimensional human being. In addition to the tragedy and the terrible costs borne by his victims, it is very sad for him and his family. I shudder to think about what darkness in his soul drove him to commit the acts he allegedly committed. 


Esau, the son of Isaac and Rebecca, is generally thought of as a villain in Judaism. Unlike Jimmy, Esau’s father is not absent. In fact, we are told that he loved Esau although the love is conditional upon the meat he is able to hunt and bring to his dad . Still, it is not smooth sailing. We are told that his mother Rebecca loved Jacob. This is understood to mean that she did not love Esau because she recognised his wickedness . It is further suggested that it is, only when the “the lads grow up ”, that anyone pays attention to their unique natures: Esau was a man of the field while Jacob sat and studied in tents. The parents fail to recognize or notice Esau’s character, with all the “strength, energy, agility, and courage that lie slumbering in this child ”. Esau was the first born son in a culture in which the first born was to be treated with a measure of deference. Esau is further alienated when Jacob figures out a way to free himself from these customs  by purchasing the Birth-Right for a pot of lentils , legally displacing Esau from his elevated position.

In many conversations about offences, there is an either/or approach to the issues. One is either tough on crime with mandatory sentences, pink prison clothes and throwing away the key, or one is a bleeding heart, soft on crime, caring only about the perpetrators and not the victims. This is a false choice. We can forcefully condemn crimes against people because of their race and the exploitation of children, and insist that, no matter what their circumstances, people are responsible for their choices. At the same time, we can also recognise the humanity, the struggles and social context of those human beings who have chosen at certain moments of their life to be perpetrators . May we succeed as a community to maintain justice and order while also improving the conditions in which young people and older people find themselves, so that they are less likely to be drawn towards choosing to do evil.






References
    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/the-mother-of-the-boy-accused-of-racehate-attack-in-bondi-works-in-a-jewish-nursing-home/story-fni0cx12-1226748562990
  video by Dr Jioji Ravulo at http://www.differencedifferently.edu.au/prof_learning/
  Genesis 25:28
  Seforno
  Genesis 25:27
  Samson Raphael Hirsch
  Radak
  Genesis 25:30-33
  Do  not judge your fellow until you have been in their place, Pirkey Avod 2:4 as discussed in Tanya 30