Plebiscite Restraint, Stigma, Gay Men, and a Blaspheming “Bastard” (Emor)

Last week I participated in a panel with Anthony Venn-Brown, Anglican Priest, Rod Bower, and business leader, Peta Granger, regarding the relationship between LGBQTI people, business and religion. The session was facilitated by LGBT rights campaigner Tiernan Brady, who concluded the discussion with a plea for civility and restraint during the upcoming debate in Australia about broadening the legal definition of marriage. I agree that this is extremely important in order to avoid the negative impact on LGBQTI young people of a slanging match that would demonise and denigrate proponents of both change and the status quo.

In preparation for the panel I read; A Life of Unlearning: a preacher's struggle with his homosexuality, church and faith by Brown which he had given me. I found it quite unsettling. The impact that shame made on his life over a period of many years has been devastating. The secret life he led as a gay person left him exposed to exploitation, prone to making self-destructive choices and caused him terrible suffering. Eventually, when he disclosed his sexuality, he was shunned and his family was abandoned by the Christian community of which they had been a part. 

One aspect of Brown’s story, as well as the broader history of the experience of gay men in the 60s and 70s, led me to revisit something I had written in 2011. At the time, I was critical of Rabbi Moshe Feinstein’s view expressed in a letter written in 1976 that “the whole world despises homosexuals...”... and that gay men also despised each other[i]”. While no one needs to pretend that the Torah does not prohibit homosexual acts, I argued that it was “hard to believe that this conclusion was based on intensive interviews with a representative sample of homosexuals[ii]”. Yet, Brown writes about the significant impact of stigma, and shaming on gay men in the early 70s that led to a split between activists who wanted to focus on politics and others who sought to focus on improved self-image.

I must concede that Feinstein did have some factual basis for his assertions that were at least true at the time he wrote his letter. Where this Halachic authority and reality part company is in his wishful conclusion that stigma would lead same sex attracted men to avoid homosexual sex[iii]. Brown’s experience illustrates that stigma had no such impact on him, but that it did have an extremely damaging impact on his life. Negative self-perception has also been linked to diminished religious adherence[iv], which is another reason some orthodox Rabbis who are concerned about alienating LGBQTI people have opted for restraint.

The relationship between stigma and alienation from religion comes up in commentary at the end of our Torah reading last week. We read about “the son of an Israelite woman, and he was the son of an Egyptian man, went out among the children of Israel, and they quarrelled in the camp… The son of the Israelite woman pronounced the [Divine] Name and cursed. ...They took the blasphemer outside the camp and stoned him[v]”. Commentary tells us that the blasphemer of mixed heritage ‘was known until shortly before this episode, as the son of an Israelite woman among the other Israelites he had chosen to identify with. His mother had concealed the truth about her son’s birth by an Egyptian father that she slept with while married to another man, because of her honour. Somehow people began to talk about the fact that he was, in fact, “the son of an Egyptian”’[vi].  At that time, he sought acceptance and dignity by being allowed to pitch his tent among his mother’s tribe. However he was rejected and this lead him to lash out against God and ultimately to his death. 

While I am pleased that capital punishment is no longer practiced in Jewish law for blasphemy or any other crime, I think there is a lesson in this story about stigma and its impact on LGBQTI people. Drawing on Brown’s experience as well as the Biblical blasphemer, I think there is a particularly strong lesson relating to those who also seek a home within orthodox Jewish communities and other conservative faith communities. The Israelites in the desert lost a man who desperately wanted to belong within their faith community but instead turned to blasphemy. There is a big difference in tone between Feinstein’s writing in the 70s and the empathy shown by Rapoport, an orthodox Jewish scholar whose book was published thirty years later[vii]. 

Also at the forum, leading politician Penny Wong talked about the importance of considering where public figures’ words land and their impact. She could have quoted the Talmudic advice; “Wise people, be careful with your words[viii]”. I hope Tiernan’s call for civility and restraint on all sides of this debate will be heeded.  

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[i] Feinstien, R. Moshe, (1976) Igrot Moshe, Orach Chayim 4, p. 206, in a letter dated 1 Adar II, 5736

[ii] http://torahforsociallyawarehasid.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/torah-based-responses-to-homosexuality.html

[iii] Feinstien, R. Moshe, (1976) p. 205 and 206

[iv] See Tanya chapter 1

[v] Leviticus 24:10-23

[vi] Abarbanel p 281

[vii] Rapoport, Rabbi C, (2004) Judaism and Homosexuality, Vallentine Mitchell, London & Portland

[viii] Pirkey Avot 1:11

Religious attitudes about sexuality in the context of harming LGBTI youth - Tazria

River is the name of an Australian high school student who is homeless. Although born female, River does not identify as a girl, but rather as “gender fluid”. Like other LGBTI youth River has been subjected to abuse and hostility ultimately leading to homelessness. On a radio program this week[i], I heard one LGBTI young person who turned to a religious based service for emotional support but found that the minute they identified as gay, there was a dramatic shift in the mood away from compassion and empathy to distance. “When I asked for the help that she (previously) mentioned she said ‘It is not for me’”.

The hostility toward the Safe Schools program that addressed some of the anti-gay bullying in schools has come under fire by religious people. Of course for Jews and Christians there is the Biblical prohibition against homosexual sex. Still, out of the 613 commandments in the Torah this one generates disproportionate passion[ii].  This got me thinking more broadly about religions’ reservations about sex as one possible factor that makes empathy with and acceptance of LGBTI people harder for some religious people.

The Torah reading this week begins with an unusual expression “A woman who will seed and she will give birth to a male[iii]”. It proceeds to declare her ritually impure for seven days as a result of childbirth. I find this puzzling as in Judaism we regard death as the source of spiritual impurity. That being the case I would have thought the miracle of a new life would be a completely positive thing. To put it another way, “the key to birth is in the hands of God and has not been handed over to any messenger (such as an angel), how can this result in impurity?[iv]”

One commentary about this verse references the fact that the laws about human impurity follows the laws about animal based impurity. This sequence is meant to lead to humans feeling humbled by reflecting on the fact that both in creation and in listing of the laws they come later than animals. In addition, the Torah seeks to foster humility by drawing a person’s attention to “his lowliness and his disgusting formation from a putrid drop^[v] that he was formed from… and how polluted is his birth so how can he be arrogant?![vi]” This commentary does not accord with my view that birth is the most beautiful miracle from conception to delivery.

An alternative[vii] is that on the contrary the “impurity” relates to “the greatness of the human, the chosen one of creation”.  It is precisely because of the holiness of the new life that it draws negative energies[viii]. In this mystical approach, a spiritually neutral situation does not attract the forces of darkness but where something holy is present these spirits are drawn to it, to try to (appear?) similar to the holy. This approach is similar to Newton’s law that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. 

A similar explanation is that the impurity is not a result of birth itself but comes after the birth. It is related to the reason for impurity of a dead body. “The place has been emptied of holiness - that is the soul of the person,   therefore the forces of impurity seek to dwell there. The same is true with a woman giving birth. Because God himself was the one opening (the womb), and therefore when the Divine presence leaves, the forces of impurity desire to attached themselves to her[ix]”.

Despite the problems some sources have with sexual desire, even linking it to an idea of original sin[x], there are clearly some sources in Judaism that see sexual desire as a positive thing. The Talmud refers to the sexual act as “Shalom Bayit”, peace in the home. Recognising the relational benefit to the marriage and broadening its legitimacy beyond procreation.

Another teaching relates to the verse at the start of this blog post. The Talmud infers a practical message about managing male desire from a creative interpretation of this verse. If a woman seeds (climaxes) first she will give birth to a male...this is only that they (the males) delay themselves… so that their wife should seed first (and as “reward for this”) their children will be male.... ^[xi] Let us put aside the implications about gender equality arising from male offspring being offered as a reward. This is an ethical teaching about the obligations of men to concern themselves with female desire rather than just their own.   

Male sexual desire is also seen as a positive thing in another context. The basin used by the priests (Kohanim) to wash themselves in the temple was made from the mirrors that the Hebrew slave women used in Egypt to attract their husbands’ attention^[xii]. “Moses despised the mirrors because they are made for the evil inclination, but The Holy One Blessed Be He said to him, accept them as these are dearer to me than everything. It is through these (mirrors) that the women stood up many hosts in Egypt. When their husbands were exhausted from the back breaking work they would go and bring food and drink and feed them, they would take the mirrors and each one would see herself and her husband in the mirror and she would coax him with words, saying “I am more pretty than you” and through this would bring their husbands to desire and they would attend to them and they would become pregnant and give birth^[xiii]”.

I don’t know if this kind of exploration of positive religious teachings about sexuality in general can lead to better outcomes for LGBTI young people. Perhaps what is needed is more direct action to ensure that the ideals of compassion and the dignity of all people are extended to LGTBI people, especially in “safe schools”. On the other hand maybe a healthier understanding of this beautiful part of being human can help religious people more calmly see variations of sexuality and gender in context, as just aspects of how various humans are, without losing sight of the humanity of people like River.

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[i] http://mpegmedia.abc.net.au/rn/podcast/2016/04/bbg_20160403_0805.mp3

[ii] Boteach, Rabbi S., http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704361504575552203494330686 and others

[iii]  Leviticus 12:1

[iv] Shem Mishmuel in the name of the Rebbe of Kotzk, quoted in Greenberg, A. Y, (1996) Iturei Torah, p. 64 Yavneh, Tel Aviv

^[v] Pirkey Avot – Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 3, Mishna 1

[vi]  Yaffa, Rabbi Mordechai (1604) in Levush HaOrah, on Leviticus 12:6 (note, the Hebrew word that I translate as Polluted is מזוהם)

[vii] This is by a student of Rabbi Yaffa, but he declares his interpretation to be “the opposite, from one extreme to the other” to that of his teacher.

[viii] Eilenberg, Rabbi Y.B, (1623) in Tzeda Lderech, Eilenberg was a student of R. Yaffa, another layer to this I heard in the name of Rav Frand, is that the birth of a daughter requires twice as long to deal with the “impurity” because not only is there one miracle of life but the double miracle of the creation of a child who will herself also bear children.

[ix] Shem Mishmuel in the name of the Rebbe of Kotzk, quoted in Greenberg, (1996)

[x] See Rabbenu Bchai, Tazria 12:7, “it can be explained that the sacrifice was not because of her own sin but because of her mother's sin (Eve) the mother of all the living. Because were it not for that sin, man  would cause birth with his wife not in the way of lust and desire but rather in a completely natural way just like the nature of the tree that brings forth its fruits every year without lust. This woman giving birth, (it can be said of her) like mother, like daughter in the act of sin. Because the branches are rotten with the rot of the root. Therefore she is required by the verse to bring an offering to atone for that primordial sin. ...

^[xi]  Talmud, Nida 31a&b see also Rabbenu Bchai, Tazria 12:7 One who can conquer his (evil) inclination and delay himself so that she “seeds” first he receives his reward…

^[xii]    Exodus 38:8

^[xiii]   Rashi on Exodus 38:8, 

Pride and Prejudice - Ki Tisa

This week, the Australian government announced an inquiry into the Safe Schools coalition; an initiative focused the creation of “safe and inclusive school environments for same sex attracted, intersex and gender diverse students, staff and families[1]”. The aim of Safe Schools is one I wholeheartedly support and I hope the inquiry does not undermine this vital work. I do not accept the argument against this kind of work that “it goes beyond education and compels students into advocacy of a social engineering agenda[2]”. Creating spaces that are inclusive and free of discrimination and teaching children to embrace all their peers regardless of differences should be fundamental to education.

This controversy comes at an interesting time for me.  I have been trying to get my head around notions of Jewish pride and how it might be related to gay pride.

One way of looking at pride is to see it as promoting that group, or practices associated with that group as superior to others.

It is undoubtedly wrong to claim that Jews are superior to those who are not Jewish. For example, using the expression “goyishe kop” which means “non-Jewish head” to suggest that because someone is not Jewish they are not clever demonstrates the wrong kind of pride. However this kind of chauvinism is different to a legitimate claim that being Jewish is a better way to live and worship than other paths. Jews, like Muslims, or vegans are entitled and argue for the merits of particular ways of living. The Torah expresses this by stating that “it (the Torah) is your wisdom in the eyes of the nations…[3]” who will praise the Jews because of their adherence to God’s law. Islamic teachings contain the message that “Verily, we were a disgraceful people and Allah honored us with Islam, so if we seek honor from other than Islam, then Allah will humiliate us[4].”

The link between pride or honour and disgrace, shame or derision is one that I kept bumping into this whole week while I pondered this idea of pride. I spoke to a Sydney man who was one of the only Jews among 900 students in an Australian public school. When I asked him about pride he talked about the discrimination he faced as school boy.

Jonathan Sacks, addressing the topic of Jewish pride tells a story about his father being approached by a fellow congregant at a London Synagogue who thought young Jonathan had forgotten to remove his Kippa (skullcap) as he went out into the street. Jonathan’s dad replied: “no son of my mine will be ashamed of who he is[5]”. I also found pride linked to confidence in oneself and determination to follow one’s faith in the face of opposition[6]

The stress young LGBT school students suffer as a result of prejudice is a matter of life and death for some[7], and for many others a source of great anguish. A social worker and advocate for LGBT people in the Jewish community wrote “I have friends who have succumbed to this hopelessness (caused by the attitudes to LGBT people in the Orthodox Jewish community) and are no longer here to make their case. I know people who are alive today because of the outspoken compassion of the rabbis”[8]. He explains pride as serving to “combat institutionalized shame and re-build a strong sense of self-esteem. This is the true meaning of pride. Pride is about affirming our (collective) self-worth despite the challenges we face.”

There are dangers with pride. One Jewish educator suggested to me, that Jewish pride is more important than interfaith respect. His argument was that ‘Jewish children in a particular city don’t have adequate pride in who they are, so showing them how people of other faiths are wonderful might further weaken their commitment to their Jewishness’. I do not accept that Jewish pride should be allowed to become a barrier to embracing the “other”. Research has found that “it is possible to improve children’s attitudes toward a racial outgroup without causing a negative impact on their feelings toward their racial in-group[9]”. We should not resort to reinforcing a weak sense of self by encouraging defining oneself by what one is not.

Pride takes many forms. One source for the idea of Jewish pride is the reference to the desirability of “lifting up the horn of Israel[10]”. The metaphor of raised horns can be understood to be about relief from being downtrodden but is also interpreted as being about glory, and power. According to the Talmud[11] Moses asked God how this could be achieved. God replied that the Jews’ “horn” could be uplifted[12] through giving charity. I am strongly in favour of pride that is compassionate and charitable, and creates a safe place for people to thrive and learn.

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[1] http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org.au/who-we-are

[2] http://www.corybernardi.com/remove_funding_from_safe_schools_propaganda

[3] Deuteronomy, 4:6 a related concept is the idea of behaving in a way that makes the name of heaven become beloved through your behaviour in the Talmud Yoma 86a 
בגמרא (יומא פו ע"א) מובא: "ואהבת את ה' א-להיך (דברים ו, ה) – שיהא שם שמים מתאהב על ידך,

[4] http://dailyhadith.abuaminaelias.com/2013/02/23/umar-on-humility-if-we-seek-honor-from-other-than-islam-we-will-be-humiliated/

[5] http://www.rabbisacks.org/rabbi-sacks-on-jewish-pride/ video

[6] The Lubavitcher Rebbe,
בנוגע לטעם אמירת ההפטרה – מובא בכמה מקומות (שולחן-ערוך אדמו"ר הזקן אורח-חיים ריש סימן רפ"ד, ובכמה מקומות) שמלכות הרשעה גזרה על ישראל שלא יקראו בתורה ברבים, ולכן תיקנו לקרות בנביאים מעניין הפרשה. וגם כאשר בטלה הגזירה, לא נתבטל המנהג לקרות גם בנביאים...זהו גם המענה לאלו ש"תואנה הם מבקשים" וטוענים: כיצד ייתכן לומר שגם כאשר בני ישראל נמצאים בזמן הגלות, אין להם להתפעל כלל מאומות העולם (מלכות המדינה וכו'), ויכולים וצריכים הם לעמוד בכל התוקף על כל ענייני התורה ומצוותיה… והמענה לזה – על-פי האמור לעיל אודות הגזירה על קריאת התורה: אף-על-פי שגזירה זו היתה בזמן הגלות (כאשר "אותותינו לא ראינו גו'") – אף-על-פי-כן, ראו בפועל ממש נס גלוי, שכאשר בני ישראל לא התפעלו מגזירת המלכות (שכוונתה היתה לנתק את בני ישראל חס-ושלום מתורה), ואדרבה: בעקבות גזירה זו חידשו בני ישראל מנהג ישן – לקרוא בנביאים, שזהו עניין נעלה יותר מדברי תורה (כנ"ל), הנה לא זו בלבד שאומות העולם לא יכלו לגזור עליהם ולהרע להם בעניין זה, אלא אדרבה: על-ידי זה הצליחו לבטל גם את הגזירה שלא לקרוא בתורה. וזוהי ההוראה הנלמדת מאופן הנהגתם של בני ישראל במעשה בפועל ("מעשה רב...כלומר: בעניין האמור רואים במעשה בפועל שכאשר בני ישראל מתנהגים על-פי הוראת התורה מתוך "גאון יעקב", מבלי להתפעל מאומות העולם, ולא מסתפקים בהחלטות טובות בעניין זה, אלא מתנהגים כן בפועל ובגלוי, עד שאפילו אומות העולם רואים זאת – הנה לא זו בלבד שאומות העולם אין יכולים להרע להם חס-ושלום, אלא אדרבה: על-ידי זה פועלים שאומות העולם יסייעו לבני ישראל בכל ענייניהם… (מהתוועדות שבת-קודש פרשת בשלח, ט"ו בשבט התשמ"ג. 'תורת-מנחם – התוועדויות' תשמ"ג, כרך ב, עמ' 924-922 – בלתי מוגה http://www.chabad.org.il/Magazines/Article.asp?ArticleID=3645&CategoryID=933#sthash.38RHYpke.dpuf

[7] http://www.apa.org/pi/aids/resources/exchange/2012/04/minority-stress.aspx

[8] Mordechai Levovitz,  http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/orthodox-gay-and-the-rest-is-private/

[9] Levi, S.R., West, T. L., Bigler, R.S., Karafantis, D.M., Ramizez, L., Velilla, E. (2005) Messages about the uniqueness and similarities of people: Impact on US Black and Latino youth. Journal of Applied Development Psychology 26 p.714-713

[10] The Hebrew metaphoric words of “lifting up the horn” a variously translated as relating to power in the Tehilat Hashem translation of the Amida, or glory in translation of the Avinu Malkeinu prayer, in the new Siddur with Hebrew commentary it relates the term to both power and glory or honor like an animal with horns being seen as powerful, and I guess if it’s horns are held high there can be an element of pride it in as well. The term is also used in Psalm 148, commentary there…. I would see it as possibly being protected from defeat. There is another take on it that is tangential to our discussion but will be on interest to some.

[11] Talmud Bava Basra 10b, cited in Baal Haturim on Exodus 30:11,  he links this Talmudic teaching to the juxtaposition of Exodus 30:10, which refers to Keren (corners of the altar) and the discussion here of giving. 

[12] Alluding to the words Ki Tisa (Exodus 30:11) at the beginning of the Sidra with this name which begins by discussing the donation of half shekels by each Jew toward the construction of the tabernacle