Settled Soul Practices Clarity Coherence and Calm.

It is the first week of February. Sadly, this is where New Year resolutions go to die. However, I am feeling confident that for me, this year it will be different.

In early January, I was sitting on a plane somewhere over the Pacific when I encountered, what I hope will be, life changing wisdom about “settled souls”. I used to think that a settled soul was an outcome. Instead, I learned that being a settled soul was an ethical practice. One of my commitments for 2025 is to live by “settled-soul” practices of clarity, coherence, calm and presence.

To better understand how this works, let us consider the opposite of the settled soul, “the scattered soul”[i]. An example of this state can be found in the ways of Jacob’s son Reuben. Jacob spoke harshly on his deathbed to Reuben, criticising him for being hasty, rash or impetuous, like water[ii].

The problem with haste is discussed in the teaching of the Musar (ethical development) movement[iii]. One of the leaders of this movement taught the importance of the calm mind that is not hassled. This consists of having clear direction in life, living in coherence with one’s principles and not pursuing vices and lusts that cause a person to leap from one temptation to another. A lack of moral clarity can be masked by mannerisms that appear calm on the outside, but it is the internal clarity and coherence that matters. 

Once a person has this clarity, it is then important to focus and be present to whatever she or he is doing. In contrast to the multitasker, whose attention is constantly shifting between one thing and another, the settled soul is highly intentional with their attention. When Abraham became aware of visitors in his peripheral vision, he considered whether to look up, which, when he did, is described as “Abraham lifted his eyes”[iv].  For me, this means putting my phone out of reach when studying Torah and ignoring the dinging announcements of new WhatsApp messages.

The saddest example of Reuben being unsettled was his failure to save his younger brother, Joseph, from the rest of their brothers when they were plotting to kill him. First he advocated against harming the boy, then he disappeared. During Reuben’s absence, Joseph was sold into slavery. Reuben returned too late, and was beside himself with grief. “And I, where, can I ever come [home]”.[v]

One of the key practices of the settled soul is to do one thing at a time. Yet, Reuben could not stay focused on saving Joseph. He was off doing other things but failed to come through for someone who needed him.[vi]

For the last four weeks, I have been focused on the aim of living the settled-soul way. I am doing more of what I am committed to and feeling healthier and often more energetic. Now, I am thinking about retaining this approach.

When the Hebrew slaves were liberated from Egypt, there was the very real possibility that they would go right back.[vii] For me, the Exodus from Egypt represents my personal redemption from the tyranny of more limited ways of being[viii] but, like my ancestors, I am concerned about regression.

Nutritionist, Yehudis Kluwgant stated that ‘to lose weight and change to a healthy lifestyle, a person needs to change their identity, beliefs and values.’[ix] When the Hebrews left Egypt, they were first referred to simply as ‘the people’.[x] When they agreed to trust God completely and go into the desert where nothing grows[xi], their name and identity changed.[xii] They were then called the sons of Israel[xiii], symbolic of mastery of spiritual struggles.[xiv] I feel like something has shifted in me over these last few weeks, and in a sense, I am a new person. If this is correct, I think it is likely that my New Year’s resolution will endure long past early February.

   

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[i] Rabbi Y. Y. Schneerson, Naaseh Nuh Aliyas Kir Ktana, in Sefer Hamaamarim Kuntreisim, vol. 1, p. 332,

[ii] Genesis 49:4

[iii] ר' שמחה זיסל זיו[iii] Rabbi Simcha Zisl, known at der Alter fun Kelm, a leader of the Kelm Musar
אור רש"ז, מאמר קע"ט, עמוד רכה

[iv] Genesis 22:4

[v] Genesis 37:18-30

[vi] The Lubavitcher Rebbe in Likutei Sichos, vol. 15, p. 445.

[vii] Exodus 13:17

[viii] The Lubavitcher Rebbe

[ix] In a conversation on 3.02.2025

[x] Exodus 13:17 refers to the Hebrews as the people three times

[xi] Jeremiah 2:2

[xii] Klei Yakar on Exodus 13:17

[xiii] Exodus 13:18

[xiv] Genesis 32:29

Bullies, Patriarchy and Death of the First Born Sons

We cheer for the little guy when we see a bully making threats and throwing their weight around. It is the principle that “Might does not make right! Right makes right[i]” that is at the heart of the story in which God killed the first-born sons of Pharoah’s Egypt[ii]. This principle is also a significant aspect of the most important story of Judaism, the Exodus from Egypt, that is acknowledged twice daily by religious Jews. To explore this further, we need to consider that dangerous word, patriarchy.

I suggest we rethink the Exodus story. The common understanding of the story is that one bad man named Pharoah and his people used their power to oppress members of a powerless group of foreigners, the Hebrews. Then, like in an action movie, God was stronger than the Pharoah, so God beat up the Egyptians with 10 plagues and the Hebrews were freed by the relatively weaker Egyptians.

There is another way of reading the story, that follows the interpretation of the late Rabbi JB Soloveitchik[iii]. In considering his approach, let us not worry about the archaeological evidence about ancient Egypt, and just follow the argument in the text to understand what it might mean to us today[iv].  

Egypt was the superpower of their time and very much a patriarchal society where “might did make right”. As is often the case, the ways in which societies are organised are also reflected in the dynamics in families. The father was the head bully in the family, and the first-born male was not far behind. The first-born males cruelly dominated their siblings and were seen as being of higher status in the community, which enabled them to bully some more.

This concept of the first-born son is linked to the idea that he is the father’s “might and first manifestation of [his] vigour”[v]. In other words, the first
born son symbolised the father’s manhood and was expected to assert his manliness over others.

In the twisted society of the Pharaoh, these ruthless men brutally mistreated the Hebrew slaves. It is for this reason that they are central to the process of breaking down the oppressive system of slavery and are killed by God during the plague of the death of the first born.

The intimidation of the Pharaoh is not replaced by a scarier tyrant (despite the violent plagues). When God appointed a messenger to free the Hebrews from this society, He did not recruit a warrior. Instead, He sent Moses, a shepherd with a speech impediment.  

The Hebrews were invited to reimagine the idea of the first-born son when they were commanded to temporarily set aside such a child as “holy to God”[vi], until a ceremony when they are a month old called Pidyon Haben – “redeeming the son”. When the Torah introduced this commandment, it did not reference the father’s forcefulness; instead, the Torah highlights that the first born is the one who “opened their mother’s womb”. The word for “womb” in Hebrew is rechem, which is closely linked to the word for “mercy”, rachem, and to one of the Jewish names of God, HaRachaman, “the Merciful One”. The first-born child is met with boundless love by their mother, whose baby is her greatest joy.

May we all orient our lives around love and mercy and see these qualities prevail over violence and threats.

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[i] T.H. White, The Once and Future King

[ii] Exodus 4:22-23, 11:4-5

[iii] David, A, (2020) Drosh Darash Yosef, Mosad Harav Kook, Jerusalem, p 108.

[iv] See Blidstein, G. J. who makes a similar point in Rabbi Soloveitchik’s Abraham, https://traditiononline.org/rabbi-soloveitchiks-abraham/

[v] Genesis, 49:3, Deuteronomy 21:17

[vi] Exodus 13:2, 12-16

Darkness is Light and Liberating

I learned a remarkable teaching the other day relating to the dark times in our lives and the plague of darkness in ancient Egypt. “Darkness” - deep discomfort - is necessary for breaking free. Contrary to the idea that religion is the opium of the masses, and that spiritual practice should make us feel good, in the short term, is the simple truth that growth requires some discomfort.

Our lives take on familiar patterns. Comedian Jim Carey struggled with depression, despite his fame and success. Reflecting on his experience, he said,” depression is your body saying it had enough” [he used more colourful language.] ”…I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar that you created in the world. It’s too much for me”. His point is that it’s totally pointless to spend our whole lives creating and curating an identity for ourselves. This is all propping up our ego: desiring to be important, to be someone, to ‘matter’[i].

To be free, from a spiritual and emotional perspective, is to realise our potential and be oriented to, and focused on, our purpose rather than our ‘brand’ and others’ perceptions of us[ii]. The Talmudic sages stated, “there is no one who is free, other than one who is occupied with the Torah[iii]”.

From Chasidic/Kabbalist and allegorical perspectives, the ten plagues that were inflicted on the Egyptians at the time of the exodus were powerful forces that contributed to spiritual liberation[iv].

Of all the ten plagues, only one - darkness - was so important that it is predicted to be repeated, for fifteen days, during the final redemption by the Messiah[v]. It struck me as odd; how can darkness be critical for positive transformation?

This can be understood when we consider that circumstances experienced as light and pleasure by one person can be experienced as darkness and a plague by another. Moses initiated the plague of darkness by extending his hands over the heaven[vi]. This represents a flow of spiritual energy down into the land of Egypt. For people who were already tuned into spirituality, this was delightful and ‘light’, however for those who were oriented towards decadence and cruelty, this same situation was alienating and uncomfortable or ’dark‘. In other words, there is no greater hell than the experience of a wicked person put in a spiritual paradise[vii].

My takeout from this is that, in seeking to negotiate my relationship with God and personal growth, perseverance is needed when something doesn’t immediately click and doesn’t feel right. It might be because it is out of my comfort zone rather than because ‘it is not for me’. 

According to tradition, during the plague of darkness, any Jewish people who did not wish to leave Egypt died[viii]. This will also be the case for those in future who will not want to leave the state of exile[ix]. This represents the agony that can be experienced with significant change. Experiences of ‘darkness’ invite us to reflect on the choice between growth and stagnation, and a kind of death. We are forced to ask ourselves ‘are we willing to give up, or do we have the fight in us?’ Is the pain of growth unbearable? The answer must be “I will not die, but live[x]!”

 This theme plays out again when the Israelites encountered bitter water that became sweet when a stick was thrown in[xi]. This story reiterates the same message - the unfamiliar water that initially appeared bitter was revealed as being sweet after a bit of discomfort. Bitter can be the other side of the coin to sweet, as darkness can be to light[xii]. 

It has been said that “breakdown is often breakthrough[xiii]”. The dark times in our lives can be like having “fallen down a ravine, falling into the gap between who you are and who you want to be[xiv]”.

 

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[i] https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/11/jim-carrey-explains-depression-in-the-best-way-ive-ever-heard/

[ii] Lowenthal, T, https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/2754/jewish/Freedom-in-Five-Dimensions.htm

[iii] Pirkey Avot 6:2

[iv] The Zohar cited in https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/819472/jewish/Fire-and-Ice.htm and Schneerson, Rabbi M.M, in Likutei Sichos vol 1, Vaera

[v] The Zohar, cited in Chida on the Chumash, Shemot, p. 89. Note also Isaiah 60:2

[vi] Exodus 10:21

[vii] Yaakov Yosef of Polnoah, one of the Chasidic masters, in Toldos Yaakov Yosef, parshas Bo, p. 148

[viii] Shmos Rabba, 14:3

[ix] The Zohar, cited in Chida as cited above

[x] Psalms 118:17

[xi] Exodus 16:23-25

[xii] Yaakov Yosef of Polnoah, p. 147

[xiii] Laing, R.D. in Haig, M, (2015), Dear Stranger, Letters on the Subject of Happiness, Penguin Books, p. 34

[xiv] Haig, M, (2015), Dear Stranger, Letters on the Subject of Happiness, Penguin Books, p. 34

 

Embracing Uncertainty and Pharaoh’s hardened heart Vayera

Aboriginal and Military men on Australia day on a navy ship

I am feeling daunted. I need to make things happen in a messy context of conflicting beliefs, ranging from relativist/postmodernist to “fundamentalist”/positivist. Some object to Muslim girls in hijabs being on an Australia day poster; others donate money to reinstate the poster and a third group who believe Australia Day itself is symbolically evil because of its celebration on a day when injustices were inflicted on Aboriginal people that lasted for many generations.

In addition, my core team at Together For Humanity is growing to 6. It was not that long ago when it was just 2 or 3. In the course of our work we deal with a range of people including genuine committed people who ‘get it’ and the insincere or misguided who present obstacles to meaningful conversations about contentious issues or our work more generally.  I need to lead this team through all of this ambiguity to get results for students, stakeholders and governments, all with their own sometimes conflicting interests, beliefs and needs.

One comforting thought that came up in discussions with some Muslim applicants during job interviews at TFH  was that “God’s will will be done”. Similarly, one religious response to the rise of a certain world leader who appears to be neither wise nor principled, is that God will guide him in accordance with the tradition that “The hearts of Kings are in the hands of God” (1).

The hunger for escape from uncertainty in faith is similar to the impulse that drives otherwise sane people to embrace a comical con-man and give him power. Yet, this comfort - of a compassionate God controlling the hearts of rulers- comes up against the reality that many rulers, past and present, have done and continue to do terrible things regardless of whatever divine influences are at play.

At a work level I trust God, myself and my team to do good and to navigate the complexities, while acknowledging that some external factors might be too difficult to overcome. I suggest that we are better off acknowledging the uncertain nature of reality (2), and that whatever divine influence there is, is more indirect and complex.  

This is a tricky topic for me. For many years I rejected the argument that ‘God didn’t do the Holocaust, men did’ (3). I grew up with a sense of God being the one that basically controlled everything. I thought: ‘Why would you pray to a God who had left the affairs of humans to the whims of sadistic tyrants?’

Like many things in Judaism there are conflicting views. In the Torah reading this week, we learn how God planned to manipulate the Pharaoh’s emotions by “hardening his heart” (4) so that he would initially ignore God’s messengers of freedom. One authority taught that in matters of the kingdom, the choices of the king are restricted by God and the king is like a messenger of God. “If these matters were given over to his choice completely just as his private activities are, this would be an astounding danger to the nation under the sovereignty of that king” (5).  

Despite the risks of out-of-control rulers, I was delighted to read the work of one of our great authorities who challenged the simple understanding that God manipulated Pharaoh’s emotions. This scholar dismissed attempts to justify divine control as very strange and difficult! (6) Instead he argued that the choices of kings are not manipulated in a puppet like fashion (7). Rather, God acts in such a way that can lead the ruler to make a particular choice. In the case of the Pharaoh, God indirectly hardened his heart by bringing plagues on the Egyptians in what seemed to be happenstance: a plague began but was not sustained. This created an opportunity for the Pharaoh to dismiss the significance of the plague as a natural occurrence.   

Another view about this is the punitive approach that explains the hardening of Pharaoh’s heart as an exceptional punishment for his wickedness (8). However this implies that normally kings do have free choice (9). All in all, it is fair to conclude that Judaism’s teaching about the nature of God’s intervention in the affairs of rulers is complex and that is ok.

I read a delightful thought this week about embracing complexity. “The dilemma of rigor or relevance. In the varied topography of professional practice, there is a high, hard ground overlooking a swamp.  On the high ground, manageable problems lend themselves to solution through the use of research-based theory and technique.  In the swampy lowlands, problems are messy and confusing and incapable of technical solution.  The irony of this situation is that the problems of the high ground tend to be relatively unimportant to individuals or society at large,...while in the swamp lie the problems of greatest human concern…” (10)

So it is clear, that a lot of what matters is inherently unclear but that is where the opportunities for contribution lie. So I take a deep breath and dive into the swamp. I am comforted by the belief that in some mysterious way my heart will be guided.   

1. This often quoted Jewish teaching appears to be based on Proverbs 21:1 states: “A king's heart is like rivulets of water in the Lord's hand; wherever He wishes, He turns it. The book of Ezra 6:22 it states: And they celebrated the feast of unleavened bread seven days with joy, for the Lord made them joyful and turned the heart of the king of Assyria toward them to strengthen their hands in the work of the House of God, the God of Israel. Rashi’s commentary on Ezra 6:22 makes clear that it is God who turned the heart of the King of Assyria. Ibn Ezra’s commentary on the verse is less clear. He points out that Assyria had previously destroyed the land of Israel, but now his heart was turned from his evil thoughts to good and this is the reason to strengthen their hands. It is not clear if Ibn Ezra agrees with Rashi that it is God who turned the hearts or with Sadiaa Gaon in note 7 that kings turn their own hearts. I found some of these references at http://forum.otzar.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=992
2. See the work of Donald Schon who sees reality as inherently uncertain and complex. http://infed.org/mobi/donald-schon-learning-reflection-change/
3. Harold Kushner in When Bad Things Happen to Good People.
4. Exodus 7:3
5. Ralbag, on Proverbs 21:1,
   אילו היה פועל המלך מסור בליבו לאלו העינינים בשלמות כדרך המסור לבחירתו פעולותיו לעצמו, היה זה העניין סכנה נפלאה (= חמורה) אל העם אשר תחת המלך ההוא" וכו'
6. Abarbanel on Exodus 7:3
7. Abarbanel, see also Rabbi Saadia Gaon who characterised the idea that there is some kind of supernatural divine planting of thoughts in the hearts of kings is an exaggeration, instead it is the king himself who turns his own heart as he desires, in Emunot Vdeot, Maamar 4, close to the end.
8. Shemot Rabba, 13:4- cited in Torah Shlaima, on Exodus 10:1, parshat Bo, page 1, Rashi on Exodus 7:3, Maimonides, introduction to Pirkey Avot, chapter 8. This formulation is articulated as being withheld from repentance, although this concept is also explained psychologically by Ohr HaAfelia, (Torah Shlaima, on Exodus 10:1, parshat Bo, page 2- in note 2 from previous page) that being entrenched in a particular sin is itself the active factor in being withheld from repertance.
9. http://forum.otzar.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=992

Schon, Donald http://dsmgt310.faculty.ku.edu/SuppMaterial/SchonEpistofPractice.htm

Managing the inner slave driver - Beshalach

The other night I celebrated by 45th birthday with a variation of the Chasidic “Farbrengen”. Typically, this involves a group of Jewish Hasidic men, telling stories, drinking vodka, singing songs and discussing personal growth and other spiritual themes.  We had a gathering of Jewish men, but also a Muslim cleric, and a Christian minister. We had Vodka in another room not to compromise the sheikh but still honour my tradition. Another difference was that typically one is expected to make resolutions about doing more, I chose not to.  While I sometimes find some value in ‘managing myself’, at other times the inner manager can become oppressive, leading me not to trust myself to make good choices and to feeling anxious about reasonable risks.  This is an exploration of the merits and process of breaking free and the Torah reading Beshalach.
 
The story of the Exodus from Egypt is understood in Chasidic teaching as relating to personal growth in overcoming moral or personal limitations. I have an inner Pharaoh who echoes his literal historical counterpart. When Moses suggested some time away from the grind for the Hebrews to go out in to the wilderness to worship and celebrate, Pharaoh became suspicious. He interpreted this request as evidence of laziness (1), instead of giving them a break he demands more productivity while also providing less resources.  The increased demands lead to cries of desperation by representatives of the overwhelmed slaves. Pharaoh responded with urgency and anger (2), “you are slackers, slackers (3)!  My own Pharaoh worries about me not being productive enough when I take time out for myself or my soul. In recognising this pattern I feel a bit freer, because “knowing the illness is half a remedy”(4).

One important principle that I learned is that while change takes time, changing direction can be quite quick and an important part of the process. This played out with the Hebrews after having been removed from Egypt by external factors God was concerned about them falling back into old patterns and ‘return to Egypt’ (5). The people here are referred to as “the nation” rather than their distinctive name of Benei Yisrael - the Israelites who are descendants of Jacob who was renamed “Israel” to reflect his being a champion with God and men. They were seen as not deserving this title at this time because their faith was incomplete. If they were to attempt to go straight to the Promised Land at this point they would have crumbled at the first challenge (6).

God set the former slaves a challenge and a means to grow. They would go to the Promised Land the long way, by way of a detour into the wilderness. There they would need to develop the quality of being satisfied with very little. They would get Manna every day but only for that day, if they hoarded even a bit extra as some people inevitably did, it stank and was infested with worms (7).   On this journey they would encounter their old enemies, the Egyptians at the sea, which would split miraculously allowing the Hebrews to cross while their ‘old problems’ drowned. In this way their faith would be strengthened. Remarkably, the Torah does not wait for the whole drama to play out before celebrating the change. The moment that “the people” signed up for this journey into the uncertainty of the desert, “a land that has not been planted”, their name was immediately changed to Benei Yisrael/the Israelites (8).  They had turned away from the pharaoh of certainty and control to the uncertainty of trust. 

As the work of 2015 begins, I have turned toward working in a more trusting, less anxious way. I don’t know how it will all come together but I don’t need my inner Pharaoh looking over my shoulder. I am not lazy. I am on to it. With the help of God and some good people, we will achieve important progress toward the goal of coexistence.

Notes
1) Exodus 5:8-9
2) Lekach Tov, cited in Torah Shlaima p. 225
3) Exodus 5:17 note Targum translation of Nirpim as “Batlanim”.
4) Attributed to Maimonides, on  http://www.tchorim.com/%D7%94%D7%9E%D7%93%D7%A8%D7%99%D7%9A/%D7%94%D7%A7%D7%93%D7%9E%D7%94/
5) Exodus 13:17
6) Klei Yakar
7) Exodus 16:20
8) Klei Yakar