Righting Wrongs - Reflection on Hannah and COVID Rosh Hashanah

 

In these difficult times, it can become difficult to hope that what is wrong in the world, and in ourselves, can be made right. Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, is a time to engage with this challenge. In this blog post, I offer a glimpse into how I grappled with this on this day.   

The Biblical Hannah was always known to me as the silent woman. Hannah stands in the Jewish imagination as the taunted, childless, embittered woman who prayed with “her lips moving, but her voice not heard (1)” as she pleaded to give birth to a child. She is credited with the invention of Jewish silent prayer (2). But I heard her loud and clear this year, as if for the first time, due to my lockdown Rosh Hashanah experience. 

Unlike the past 45 years when I spent Rosh Hashanah in the Synagogue, this year I experienced it around my kitchen table with my family. Part of this experience was reading out loud in Hebrew the passage about Hannah in the Prophets (Haftorah) and translating it into English for my family. It was then that the power of her words hit me.

After Hannah’s prayer had been answered, she came to the temple and gave voice to her experience:

“It was this boy I prayed for; the Lord granted me what I asked of Him... My horn [pride] is high through the LORD, My mouth is wide over my enemies...

...Do not talk, [in a] high, high [manner], let no arrogance cross your lips! The bows of the mighty are broken, [while] the faltering are girded with strength.

Men who were once sated, must hire out for bread; [but] Men who were once hungry, hunger no more. While the barren woman bears seven, the mother of many is forlorn.

...The Lord casts down, He also lifts high. He raises the poor from the dust. Lifts up the needy from the dunghill, setting them with nobles, granting them seats of honor…”. (3). 

Hannah’s affirmation of hope touched me. I was moved by the image of “her horn” being elevated. The “barren,” belittled woman saw herself enlarged in her new success as a mother. It reminded me that the “little people” can become “big,” and enjoy dignity and pride.

Over the last few days, I read Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe (4) that describes the humiliation of Igbo tribesmen of Nigeria by their land’s Colonisers. This disturbing story acknowledges some complexities, for example  benefits for the Igbo such as reducing the killing of twins (5). On the other hand, the harsh subjugation of the clans and their leaders echoes much of the continuing pain in the world. Hannah’s proclamation that, with God’s help, wrongs can be righted, offers a counterpoint to despair and encouragement to hope.

This encouragement is alluded to in Hannah’s widened “mouth.” There are times when people feel shut down by the disinterest of others in their views. The Rosh Hashanah liturgy includes a prayer for “an opening of the mouth” for those who continue to hope for divine assistance. We pray that as we seek to right wrongs, we do not succumb to the resistance by those who don’t share our vision or by obstacles that stand in our way; rather, we continue to speak our truth. 

Hannah articulated a vision of the fortunes of the humble and battlers changing for the better, which continues to inspire Jews in our daily and festival prayers (6). Hannah’s words touched and inspired me on this holy day, as I hope they inspire you to continue to hope and work for better outcomes for individuals, communities and perhaps one day, even nations and humanity.  

   

Notes: 

1. Samuel I, 1:13 

2. Talmud 31a

3. Samuel I, 1:27-2: 

4. Achebe, C. (1958), Things Fall Apart

5. https://www.jstor.org/stable/3773886 , https://www.theguardian.com/working-in-development/2018/jan/19/twin-baby-dies-secret-killings-nigeria-remote-communities 

6. Psalms 113:7-8, 146, 7-9

Judgement Acceptance and Celebration Rosh Hashanah

Accommodating! The word appeared in large font, an accusation, that screamed at me from my Lumina Spark personality report. The report that was generated in response to a detailed survey about my workplace behaviours featured a word cloud with the most significant of my characteristics shown in the biggest writing. There it was, in huge type - ACCOMODATING.

One of my hang-ups, and I don’t think I am unique in this, is questioning my own strength. Am I strong or weak? Does my reluctance to confront conflict prove that I am a wimp? Are my doubts and agonising about decision-making further proof of weakness? These kinds of ruminations are not useful, but if we have them, we are better off dealing with them than avoiding thinking about them.

As I reflect on such questions, it occurs to me that the Jewish New Year’s Day, Rosh Hashanah is fast approaching on 7-8 September. The words “behold, the day of judgement” echo in my mind. At my synagogue on Rosh Hashanah, we would have  a choir, and two of its members with very strong deep singing voices – one a lawyer the other a judge – would sing these words in Hebrew in a slow solemn melody: Heenaaaay Yom Hadeeen, Heee-naay, Yo-o-m, Ha-----deeeen! Behold, the day of judgement!

The backstory of the Jewish day of judgement is that the first humans, Adam and Eve, were created on this date, and on that same day they ate forbidden fruit and were judged for it (1). History is repeated every year on the same day.

As He did to Adam in the Garden of Eden, God calls out to us, “where are you?” (2) “Where are you in the world? What have you accomplished? You have been allotted a certain number of days, hours, and minutes in which to fulfil your mission in life. You have lived so many years and so many days,”- over 50 years in my case - “Where are you? What have you achieved?” (3). And the super-ego can’t help itself but to appropriate the role of the divine judge to do a bit of judging of its own. Are you good enough? Big enough? Strong enough?

For a long time, I regularly showed up to the court of the false God in my head. I pleaded my case and presented my defence. I protested too much, then noticed that these thoughts were never enough to end the judgement. Self-criticism and self-doubt continue to be part of my life. But one day I decided that I had enough. I declared to the inner critic that I no longer recognised the legitimacy of his court. This is a pointless exercise! I thought, I just need to ignore it.

It worked to some extent but the other day I decided to change tack and take ownership of who I am and accept the gifts and challenges that God has given me.

I am accommodating! That is my nature. I am not a tough New Yorker. I am not Donald Trump. Good. I acknowledge that sometimes I will be accommodating in situations in which it would be more useful to me and the people I care about, or the cause I serve if I were to be assertive. But I also celebrate that I can tune in to other peoples’ perspectives and see the world through their eyes, and do what they want when it does not compromise my principles at all.

I remind myself that strength is defined by our sages as the conquest of one’s own self (4). To act with self-control. I am not perfect at this, but I often score some victories here. I would love to do even better.

With regards to one’s failure to exercise self-control, it is also useful to practice some degree of acceptance. We can work to address problems we own and acknowledge, but not those we deny. The first human to be judged, Adam, admitted to God that he ate the forbidden fruit (5).  But as he did, he used the present tense, admitting that after he was offered the forbidden fruit, “I am eating it.” That is, I ate some, and I will continue to eat it (6). While some would regard this as brazen, another perspective is that Adam was owning up to the truth about himself. He knew his own reality that included a weakness for these forbidden fruits and was completely honest about this (7). This honesty is surely the first step to growth.

As we look back at a year that included challenges relating to COVID and lockdowns, let us be honest about what we noticed about ourselves and accept the truths we learned. Then let us forgive ourselves as surely as we believe that a Merciful God certainly forgives us (8). In fact, as Jews we approach the day of judgement as a celebration, wearing our best clothing; we eat and drink as we are confident in God’s mercy (9). We also engage in some serious self-reflection and prayer. Not a bad mix of responses to honestly engaging with the truth of our flawed and lovable selves.  

For all who are observing Rosh Hashana, I wish you a happy and sweet new year. May it be sweet prosperous, free and healthy for all of humanity.

Sources

1. Rabbi Nissim in Pesikta
2. Genesis 3:9
3. R. Schneur Zalman of Liadi,  https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1107/jewish/Where-Are-You.htm
4. Pirkey Avot 4:1
5. Genesis 3:12
6. Genesis Rabba 19:22
7. Rabbi Mendel of Kotzk, in Oratz, E. (1990) Nothing but the Truth p. 43-44 Judaica Press.
8. Tanya, end of chapter 26
9. Jerusalem Talmud, Rosh Hashana 1:3

COVID Tensions Prejudice and Tisha B'Av

"Where is the Aussie spirit?" Aren't we all Aussies?! the man with the long orange beard asked a group of police officers. I was very moved when I watched this highly charged exchange that began over allegations about masks. It got me thinking about maintaining solidarity in general, and especially during COVID. 

I write from two perspectives: as the National Director of Together For Humanity, my work is focused on fostering interfaith and intercultural understanding. I also write as a Jewish person sharing my experiences with you, dear reader, as another way of fostering understanding.

The bearded man at the beginning of this article is Rami Ykmour, an Australian of Lebanese heritage and co-founder of popular restaurant chain Rashays. On the afternoon of 8 July 2021, police entered his Chester Hill office over allegations that some of his staff were breaching face mask orders.  

After some disagreement about how to proceed, the situation escalated. Rami made his appeal to the police, whose patience with him was quickly wearing thin. In the days since the incident, Rami has expressed regret for how things unfolded and support for the police for doing their jobs. He rightly observed that many people are very stressed and stretched at this time.

The exchange happened at a crucial moment during the intensifying current Sydney lockdown. There have been anguished assertions of unequal and harsh treatment of Western Sydney residents from non-English speaking backgrounds, compared with residents in other parts of Sydney. One Western Sydney man from an Arab background told me he was reluctant to leave his home to go to the shops for food he needed because he just was not up for “dealing with all this.” No doubt there are reasons for specific police decisions relating to facts about the virus – rather than ethnicity – that I do not fully understand, so I don’t feel equipped to comment on the actions of the police.

However, what is happening in Sydney now brings to mind long-standing experiences of prejudice experienced by many people from migrant backgrounds, and this worries me greatly.

Rami’s question about us all being Aussies reminds me of the plea of the Jewish character Shylock in the Merchant of Venice: “Doesn’t a Jew… warm up in summer and cool off in winter just like a Christian? If you prick us, don’t we bleed?”

We discussed this among the Together For Humanity team. One of our teachers, Kate Xavier, herself a South-Western Sydney resident of Croatian Catholic heritage shared the following sentiment: “the danger for us living out West is real. Not only a sense that we don’t belong or are inferior, but a sense of feeling that any minute we fall into that trap of believing the media narrative and forgetting the humanity of our neighbours and ourselves.”

As a Jewish person, I feel called to counter any form of prejudice. It is for this reason that I feel so strongly about everyone feeling that they belong. The most repeated commandment in the Hebrew Bible concerns the treatment of the “stranger”– the minority member – the less powerful, less established “stranger.” Jews are called to remember that the Jewish people were once “strangers” in Egypt.

I write these lines on the saddest day of the Jewish calendar, Tisha B’Av. This year, I joined other members of my community to recite Lamentations in the traditional mournful tune via Zoom under lockdown. On this day we mourn destruction, division and loss of dignity. One legend of this day involves a man, Bar Kamtza, who - like Rami - pleaded for dignity. Solidarity means that every Australian, regardless of background, never needs to question if they are as Aussie as anyone else. 

Linguistic Diversity Cohesion and Power

The 3 year old girl pointed at the fire truck. “Fie-er lesher, Fie-er lesher” she shouted excitedly in yiddish. 

The little girl was my mother. She had recently arrived in San Francisco from Shanghai, where she was born to yiddish speaking parents who narrowly escaped the Nazis in World War 2.  

“She should not speak in yiddish! She must speak English” her parents were told angrily!

It is wrong to prevent migrants from speaking their native languages. I believe this, despite my view that migrants must learn the language of their new country (if they can, some people find it quite difficult). It is hard for people to be united or even really get along if they can’t talk to each other. In fact, the first time the Torah mentions linguistic diversity is in the story of the Tower of Babel. We are told that people speaking one language makes their society strong, but if they speak different languages it will weaken them (1). However, being able to communicate in the language of one’s new country can be achieved without restraining migrants from speaking their native languages. 

This approach is not without risks. The easiest way to learn a language is to practice it and be immersed in it. There are parts of Australia that have high concentrations of people who speak languages other than English. In these areas, migrants can get by without properly learning the language of the land. Research has shown that being surrounded by signs in foreign languages caused significant discomfort to older Anglo-saxon residents in one of these areas (2). These risks should be addressed and mitigated rather than going to the extreme and trying to stamp out other languages from our shared spaces. 

Preserving native languages is important for two reasons:  one is self-expression and the other is power. 

Educator Ronit Baras introduced me to the idea of “language of the heart”. As I understand it, the language we speak as children enables us to express ourselves most effectively, especially when trying to articulate what is in our hearts. Languages learned later operate on a more technical level. We can express what we think effectively in a second language, but it can be hard to express how we feel. Assuming that this is true for many migrants, it would be a terrible imposition to restrict them from using their own language most of the time. 

The second argument relates to power. Because our ability to express our feelings is impeded when we are forced to use a second language, we are therefore not as powerful in negotiating everyday situations when speaking that language. I noticed that intuitively as a teenager when dealing with a particularly harsh teacher (who died from COVID last year). This teacher had a sharp tongue and could pack a powerful verbal punch in his native Yiddish, which was my first language. To change the power dynamic between us, I always addressed him in English rather than in Yiddish. It really threw him. The best he could do when I told him I thought I was  a nice guy was to tell me in a thick accent “you not, nice guy, you nice garbage”. That is a bit harsh, but nothing compared to what he could deliver in Yiddish! 

 

The relationship between power and language can explain a peculiar phrase in the story of Esther. The context is a king wishing to subdue women under the control of men. The royal edict stated that every man will be a ruler in his home, and [in the case where husband and wife speak different languages, the husband and therefore his wife] will speak in the language of his [the husband’s] nation (3). There we have it, suppression of linguistic diversity to serve male domination, with the loss of the right to speak one’s native language is clearly linked to a loss of power.  

The Torah urges us not to mistreat the stranger (4). Allowing them to speak in their native language is one way to adhere to this commandment. 

Notes

1. Genesis 11:6-9

2. Wise, A, (2004) Contact Zones: Experiences of cultural diversity and rapid neighbourhood change among Anglo-Celtic and long term elderly residents in Ashfield. Centre for Research on Social Inclusion, Macquarie University

3. Esther 1:22

4. Leviticus 19:33

 

Receiving Charity is Divine - Terumah

Nine year old Bert Facey was a slave in 1904-5. He desperately wanted to escape the house of the stranger who had him working from morning to night, but could not. He was brutally beaten. His family’s terrible poverty deprived young Bert of schooling, and the love of family through his childhood and adolescence (1). He grew up resilient and stoic and is the author of the classic and inspiring book, “A Fortunate Life”. Despite his heroic life, it is a shame, he never received charity. My argument in this blog is that the acceptance of needed charity is a beautiful thing. 

Image by Sachin Modgekar
Reproduced under 
Creative Commons License

The Jewish mystic the Baal Shem Tov taught that taking charity is a sacred act. Like other solemn activities such as a wedding or prayer, it ought to be done with the right intention. In this case, it should be accepted with the intention of it being “for the sake of heaven”. [Thus] “the one who receives should not accept charity for superfluous items ,... but instead to take what is needed to sustain oneself and one’s family as is appropriate and right [for them]” (2).

Let me pause here with a disclaimer. My intention in citing this teaching is not to endorse the implication that the poor should never have any luxuries. I interpret the second half of the statement that sets an aspirational standard of “appropriateness and right” as subjective, to be determined by the recipient rather than society. It is wrong for members of the community to police the poor to ensure they use what is given to them for necessities. (The virtues of not taking what is not needed is beyond the scope of this blog (3)).  Sometimes there are factors that others are simply unaware of (4) and so we must give people the benefit of the doubt (5). 

Putting this aside, the point I want to emphasise is the way the Baal Shem Tov turns the focus away from the experience of the giver to consider the dignity of, and the spiritual significance of the act for the recipient. 

Receiving charity is linked to what the mystics would regard as the holiest spiritual processes: the repair or “unification” of God’s name. Unification is a key underlying purpose of many of the rituals of Judaism. God’s name is split apart by human evil. Virtuous deeds reunite the four letters of God’s name. The exalted process is activated by the receipt of charity. The letter Yud י is shaped like a coin. The letters Hey ה (the 5th letter of the alphabet, linked to the number five) represent the hands - with their five fingers - of both the giver and recipient, and the letter Vav ו represents the giver’s arm (6).

One scholar tried to restrict the designation of the divine character of receiving charity to apply only to poor scholars who receive without asking for help. This restriction is dismissed (7). Regardless of how it happens, the act of receiving charity is considered a greater gift to the giver than what the giver of charity provides to the recipient” (8). 

I love these teachings. On the one hand, I admire people like Facey, who despite all his troubles named his book “AFortunate Life” as an expression of incredible positivity and gratitude. However, we need to combine an emphasis on the virtue of resilience and self-sufficiency with the virtue of asking and accepting help when we truly need it. Like many others, I have tried both paths. Being tough and independent when I needed help, and later learning the value of receiving support. I am a better man for learning to do the latter, and I pay forward the support given to me to others who benefit from my strengthened self.  

Notes

(1) Facey, A.B. A Fortunate Life. 

(2) The Baal Shem Tov- in Tshuas Chein, Teruma, cited in the Baal Shem Tov on the Torah

(3) Numerous sources in the Talmud and Jewish law, Pesachim 112b, רמב"ם (משנה תורה, הלכות מתנות עניים פרק י הלכה יח

(4) Thank you too PS on the Facebook discussion for highlighting this. 

(5) Pirkei Avot 2:5

(6) The Arizal, cited in Chido on Teruma, p. 255, 1

(7) Chido, ibid. 

(8) Midrash Rabba Ruth 5:9

 

“Jewish Soul”, Is it a software thing? Yitro

The idea of the Jews being a “chosen people” (1) can motivate us in worshiping God (2) and service to humanity. I don’t think of it as me being better, or more worthy than virtuous people I know and admire who are not Jewish. However, there is a risk that the idea of being ‘chosen’ - if it is taken to mean that there is an intrinsic difference to the Jewish soul - can make some Jews feel less connected to, or to devalue their non-Jewish neighbours (3).

How we choose to understand ethnic identity can be compared either to computer software - that is installed and added on but not essential, or to hardware, in that we regard it as intrinsic to who we are (4). If it is software, the brotherhood of mankind is more plausible than if it is hardware. Jewish scholarship on this question is mixed and complex.  

Image by Steven Depolo, used under 
Creative Commons Licence 3.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

On the hardware side of the argument is the idea of a unique Jewish soul (5) which, according to a mystical perspective, is “a part of God” (6). However, this needs to be taken in the context of the belief that God is present in everything in existence. Even rocks, according to the mystics, contain a “divine spark” (7), although these “sparks” are deemed to differ between inanimate objects and different peoples (8). 

We should not overstate the concept of the “Godly soul” because, according to its chief proponent, it is quite marginal to the lived experience of the Jew. The day-to-day life of the Jew is an experience of an “animal soul” rather than a Godly one. It is this animal soul that is the true everyday identity of the Jewish person (9). The Godly soul is something “that has been placed within him” (10) but is not him or her (11). It seems more like an obscure “plug in”, than a core element.

On the other side of the argument stands Maimonides (12). Repeatedly, he emphasises that it is an individual’s knowledge and motivations that are key to one’s spiritual standing. “Every person can be righteous like Moses” (13). “Every single person from all inhabitants of the world whose spirit guides him and whose intellect leads him to understand, to separate himself and to stand before God...to walk straight as God created him...he is sanctified [with the greatest holiness],“Holy of Holies”...” (14). 

A Chasidic master put it: “Holiness is not found in the human being in essence unless he sanctifies himself. According to his preparation for holiness, so it comes upon him from on High. A person does not acquire holiness while inside his mother. He is not holy from the womb, but has to labor from the very day he comes into the air of the world” (15). Indeed, whatever faults one might attribute to a non-Jewish idol worshipper’s soul would also describe our Jewish ancestors when we worshipped idols in Egypt, “with no difference!” (16). Clearly holiness is determined by behaviour.

Regardless of hardware or software, the idea of chosenness is linked to service (17). One form of this service is the role of the Jews in bringing an understanding of monotheism to all humans and uniting them in worship (18). This emphasises the importance of humanity as a whole, and sees the role of the Jewish people to benefit mankind rather than one of self-centeredness. This is because “all humans are cherished by God, and the Righteous of the Nations are precious to God without a doubt” (19). Furthermore Jews are urged to approach this concept with humility (20). 

I will end with a quote from one of the Rabbis, who, despite being aligned with the inherent differences approach, still strongly embraced love of all humanity. He wrote:

“The highest state of love of creatures should be allotted to the love of mankind, and it must extend to all of mankind, despite all variations of religions, opinions, and faiths, and despite all distinctions of race and climate. It is right to get to the bottom of the views of different peoples and groups, to learn, as much as possible, their characters and qualities, in order to know how to base love of humanity on foundations that approach action. 

For only upon a soul rich in love for creatures and love of man can the love of the nation raise itself up in its full nobility and spiritual and natural greatness. The narrowness that causes one to see whatever is outside the border of the special nation, even outside the border of [the people of] Israel, as ugly and defiled, is a terrible darkness that brings general destruction upon all [efforts at] building of spiritual good, for the light of which every refined soul hopes" (21).

 

Perhaps hardware or software does not matter quite as much as it would seem, as long as we can embrace all of humanity. 

 

Notes: 

I acknowledge Rabbi Hanan Balk and his essay referenced in the notes below as the basis of much of what I have written above. 

1. Exodus 19:5-6, Isaia 41:8-10
2. Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel to Exodus 19:6
3. Ohr Hachayim commentary to Exodus 22:20
4. Murray, D. (2019) The Madness of Crowds, Gender, Race and Identity, Bloomsbury
5. Zohar, Genesis 170, & 171, Kuzari, 1:41-43, in In Balk H., (2013) The Soul of a Jew and the Soul of a Non-Jew, p. 49, 
6. An Inconvenient Truth and the Search for an Alternative in Hakira, vol 13, http://www.hakirah.org/Vol%2016%20Balk.pdf 
7. Eitz  Chayim gate 5:2, Tanya chapter 1 and 2 by R. Shneur Zalman of Liady (1745–1815), and Nefesh ha-Ḥayyim sha’ar 1, ch. 4, by R. Ḥayyim of Volozhin (1749–1821)
8. Tanya, Shaar Hayichud V’Haemuna, chapter 1
9. cited in the discussion between the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Hilel students, cited in Balk, H.,  p.51 
10. With the exception of the extremely rare super saint or tzadik as defined in Tanya chapter 1
11. The text of the morning prayer Elokai Neshama, my God, the soul that you placed within me...
12. Tanya chapter, 29
13. Balk, H., (2013) ibid, see also his strong approach to the interpretation of the coerced divorce
14. Maimonides, Yad Hachazakah, Laws of Repentance 5:2
15. Maimonides, Yad Hachazakah, Laws of Sabbatical and Jubilee Years, 13:13
16. R. Simḥa Bunim of Przysukha, Kol Simḥa, Parshat Miketz, p. 47 and Mesharatav Eish Lohet, p. 228, quoted in Noam Siaḥ, p. 263. In Balk, p. 47
17. Ohr Hachayim commentary to Exodus 22:20, נשמות ישראל עצמם היו טבועות בקליפה ואם כן יהיה גר זה כאחד מכם באין הבדל
18. Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel 
19. Seforno on Exodus 19:5-6  
20. Seforno ibid
21. Chatam Sofer on Yitro, p. 38-39
22. Kook (Mussar Avikha (Jerusalem, 1985), p. 58, no. 10; Orot ha-Kodesh (Jerusalem, 1990), vol. 4, p. 405. In Balk p.54

Frantic to Equanimity? Jacob Renamed Israel

I have set myself a goal for December – to shift from feeling driven in the way I work, to calmer and more accepting ways of being at work. I often feel like I am frantically moving my attention from one urgent task to another, doubting myself, feeling disappointed, and worrying about what might happen next. However, change is risky because we can try to change too much and either fail to change very much at all –  or, worse, succeed in overbalancing from too anxious to become too relaxed and passive. This is an exploration of the challenges of equanimity and personal change, and draws on the example of the patriarch Jacob. 

Equanimity

Jewish tradition extolls the virtue of השתוות – Hishtavut, equanimity. This quality is illustrated by the story of the man who sought to join a group of Kabbalists as an initiate. The admission test, which he failed, was whether he felt the same when people praised or insulted him (1). I remember, as a child, being in awe of my father when something went wrong in his work and his reaction was of one of utter calm.  However, equanimity is an ideal that eluded the patriarch Jacob.

Jacob – the name means the crooked blocker

Jacob’s name and identity was inherently about trying to stop the inevitable. When Jacob was born, his hand held on to his brother's heel, which is interpreted as him trying to prevent the inevitable fact of his brother being the first born (2). This act earned him the name Jacob (3), which has connotations of thwarting someone and trickery. As a teenager he again tried to change the facts of the birth order by offering his brother a bowl of lentils in exchange for the birth-right (4). Despite Jacob’s scheme for advancing his status, his dying blind father still chose to bless Jacob’s older brother. In response Jacob, disregarding his deep ethical reservations, impersonated Esau and was blessed instead (5). This deception enraged Esau, which led Jacob to flee to another country. When he arrived there, he boasted that he could be devious if someone tried to trick him (6). Yet, despite his boast, he was repeatedly deceived (7), and resorted to strange tricks with sticks in a never-ending fight for his rights (8). 

Frantic approach to a brother

Two decades after the bitter falling out with his brother, Esau, Jacob returned to his homeland.  Anticipating a confrontation with Esau, Jacob prepared frantically with gifts, flattery, and preparation for war (9). He cried out to God with a heartfelt prayer, “Save me, please, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he come and strike me, (and my family too) a mother and children” (10). Yet, it turned out that his brother kissed him when they met rather than sought to attack him as Jacob had expected (11). Esau even reassured Jacob about the disputed blessings (12), with the statement: “let what is yours, be yours” (13).

Jacob was criticized for not simply letting things be (14). Jacob’s anxious approach is linked to an interpretation to the verse in the psalm, may “goodness and kindness pursue me” (15). We can be too anxious or unaware of blessings that are sent to us, so we run away. In this psalm we request that the blessings pursue us despite our difficulty in receiving them (16). 

Personal Rebranding

In the middle of all the frantic preparation, Jacob stopped. It was the middle of the night, and he was alone (17). Jacob entered a heightened state of consciousness and inner struggle,   separating himself from his material self and his external identity and his name Jacob (18). Perhaps he had enough of being “Jacob”, was tired of hustling, of the ethical ambiguities and the anxiety and stress. We read that Jacob wrestled with a “man” while he was alone. The man was “the guardian angel of his brother Esau” (19) – or perhaps it was how Jacob would imagine his brother’s angel (20).  

At the end of this epiphany or spiritual encounter, Jacob emerged with a new name, Israel; he was not to be called Jacob anymore. This new name symbolises strength and ability to confidently negotiate with humans or divine beings (21). This experience was intense and left Jacob scarred in his thigh (22). Perhaps the thigh represents walking and movement (23), and it being injured was symbolic of reducing Jacob's hectic pace. According to the mystics, the thigh represents the drive to victory or competitiveness (24), and it being hit represented shifting to a calmer approach.  

Balance

When I studied this transformation of identity, I was drawn to it and thought I might model my personal growth on Jacob-Israel's dramatic change. As I read more and reflected on this, it started to become disturbing. Despite Jacob’s new identity as Israel, a new man filled with confidence and strength, a new crisis arose with the abduction of Jacob-Israel’s daughter Dina (25). The old frenetic Jack-in-the-box Jacob was silent and missing in action, but so was the new Israel identity. New ways of being taking practice and time to develop, and can’t always be manifest. Yet, it seems like Jacob did not fall back on his old ways either, to save his daughter through desperate measures or tricks.

My conclusion is to aim for equanimity, but also to embrace my New York-Chabad forged drive and hustle as tools in my toolbox and aspects of my personality. Like Jacob, I can become an Israel, but I am not aiming for a negation of my earlier way of being or identity. Equanimity begins for me with being ok with being a little stressed. I anticipate that I will learn how to work more calmly, but I am trying to be ready for the times when “I don’t, because sometimes I won’t” (26). And when that happens, I hope to be ok with that too.    

Notes

1)  Gates of Holiness, 4^th chapter, Third Gate, section 5- By Rabbi Chaim Vital; translated and adapted by Zechariah Goldman https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380555/jewish/Equanimity.htm
2)     Rashi
3)     Genesis 25:26
4)     Genesis 25:29-31
5)     Genesis 27:11-14, the sin of his deception was considered so serious that the in the Talmud, Sanhedrin 92a Jacob’s behaviour is compared to idol worship.
6)     Genesis 29:12 Jacob states that he is Laban’s sister’s brother which is understood by Talmud Megila 13b to state that he “is his brother in deception”
7)     Genesis 29:18-23 and 31:7
8)     Genesis 30:31-41
9)     Genesis 32:4-21, see Jonathan Sacks, in Covenant and Conversation p. 230
10)   Genesis 32:12
11)   Genesis 33:4, See Midrash Rabba 78:9 (33:4), p. 773, it was sincere and with his whole heart. 
12)   Rashi to Genesis 33:9, see Baal Haturim:  the Gematriya, the numerical value of the letters in the words אחי יהי לך אשר לך (my brother let what is yours be yours) is the same as זה הברכות they both equal the number 645.
13)   Genesis 33:9
14)   Midrash Rabba Midrash Rabba 32:4
15)   Psalm 23:6
16)   Baal Shem Tov, in Shimon Menachem Mendel of Gavaratchov (ed).  on the Torah, p. 271, 9
17)   Genesis 32:25
18)   Malbim on 32:25 p.319, his being alone relates to his preparation for prophecy, in a state of התבודדות
19)   Beresheet Rabba 77
20)   Ralbag, p 202 & 204, The Midrash Aggada, cited in Kasher, Torah Shlaima, p. 1282, 146 tells us that Jacob pleaded with his brother’s angel for forgiveness for the blessings from his father, but the angel representing Esau, seemed to have moved on as he responded with the question “who is complaining about you [about this]?
21)   Genesis 32:29
22)   Genesis 32:26
23)   Netziv, in Lamm, N. A commentary for the ages- Genesis, p. 176, it is associated with the hip that is linked to walking and it represents movement.
24)   Derech Mitzbotecha, Mitzvat Gid Hanasheh
25)   Genesis 34:1-5
26)   Dr. Seuss, Oh, the places you’ll go.