Envy, grief, anxiety, resentment and anger are not just
unpleasant for the person feeling these emotions but also for the people around
them. One young man struggling with painful inner turmoil told me “I put a mask
on every morning”, a false smile firmly planted on his face to get through the
day. There is merit in containing our emotions, thinking about events
differently perhaps or considering time and place. Equally, there is a need to
acknowledge that we feel what we feel, however painful, and not seek to deny
reality. Both of these approaches are reflected in the teachings of our sages
and the Torah itself. The nuances of these teachings shed additional light on
this challenge.
Aaron the brother of Moses, and his wife Elisheva, are confronted
with the death of their two sons, Nadab and Abihu, in middle of a very public celebration
of the dedication ceremony of the temporary temple in the desert. The text does
not mention Elisheva and does not tell us about Aaron’s initial reaction, only
that after Moses speaks to him he is “silent[i]”.
Commentators offer a variety of interpretations about what
happened prior to his chat with Moses. One tells us that Aaron was crying out
loud at first[ii],
“screaming out of the bitterness of his spirit[iii]”.
“It is not right” argues another “that
he should raise his voice and scream before God on this day… of the joy of his
(God’s) heart[iv]”. How dare he make a scene in God’s house - even
if his two sons had just died?
The meaning of Aaron’s silence is also ambiguous. One
translation renders his silence as praising God[v],
or a quietness of the heart and an inner calmness of the spirit[vi]
reflecting his acceptance of the tragedy. Today part of the ritual response to
the death of a loved one is to recite “blessed is the true judge”, in
acceptance of God’s judgement. Another view is that Aaron is persuaded by Moses
that the death of his sons had a different meaning and reflected their
greatness[vii].
Yet other commentaries see his silence as being about having a broken heart[viii]
or “his heart becoming like an inanimate stone…not accepting any consolation
from Moses as no soul was left in him”.
Moses also faces a moment of loss, not as great as Aaron’s
but still substantial. He thought he would have the role of high priest in the
temple, which would be passed on to his descendants. Instead, by God’s command
he appointed his brother Aaron to the position he had coveted for himself. In a
poignant observation one commentator writes that despite Moses’ humility and
righteousness, every living heart feels[ix]!
In other commentary, Moses is praised for wholeheartedly
installing Aaron in the role and being happy for him in it. When Aaron is
reluctant, Moses insists that he is reciprocating Aaron’s earlier joy at Moses
being chosen a leader rather than himself as the older brother.
It might not be a contradiction. Moses might have felt the
deep pain of disappointment at first, but perhaps after noticing and
acknowledging his feeling to himself, he then took a deep breath, even a long
quiet walk in the desert and reflected on how he was feeling and whether there
was another way to look at it. When he found this other perspective he changed
his thinking and was able to feel happy for his brother rather than sorry for
himself. One of the wisest women in our tradition, Beruria, managed to shift
her thinking about the death of her two sons from solely focusing on her loss
to the idea that these children were loaned to her by God who then collected
them. In contrast to Beruria, we are simply taught that Elisheva goes from the
joy of having her husband installed as high priest and her two sons as deputy
high priest, to the terrible sadness of a mother who has lost her children[x].
[i]
Leviticus 10:1-3
[ii]
Ramban
[iii]
Abarbanel’s understanding of Ramban’s commentary
[iv]
Abarbanel
[v] Targum
Unkelus, version in the Chumash Kesser Torah, cited in Torah Shlaima
[vi]
Shem Olam cited in Torah Shlaima
[vii]
Rashi This connection is based on the idea that when the great were harshly
punished for disrespecting the temple, it showed the importance of the temple
and would have a positive impact on the rest of the people.
[viii]
Toldot Adam (commentary on Mechilta) cited in Torah Shlaima
[ix]
Ohr Hachayim
[x] Rabenu Bchai
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